Thursday, April 29, 2010

one of those topics.... those touchy topics....

i tossed the idea around about this blog, and after reading a WONDERFUL woman's blog that I follow, i decided i was going to do it....
I've got to tell you....
last night.... was just eye opening....
The night before last i had a boatload of chocolate before i went to bed, and had nightmares.
i did everything in my power to not have nightmares last night, so i drank a bunch of water, and had NO chocolate. none.
well, i had nightmares.
horrible HORRIBLE nightmares.
i woke up at 337 am this morning in tears.
i was scared out of my mind.
you're totally going to laugh at me, but i sleep with a nightlight in our master bathroom.
i do that so i can somewhat see, and for when i wake up at night to go to the bathroom, i don't want to run into the edge of the dresser going into the bathroom (i've totally done it before)....
don't forget, i'm legally blind, so without my glasses and contacts on at night, i see things.... jason's clump of 6 white hanging shirts in the closet, looks like a floating ghost.
the light from the living room window, shines onto the floor in the master bedroom and i swear it moves, which makes me think that something is crawling across the floor.... but it's just my legally blind self and my warped brain creating images out of stuff, HOWEVER, i do sleep with my glasses on the edge of the bed (the ledge) and i can reach over and put them on quickly if ever i think i see something.... i put the glasses on to see what it is NOT.... and then i feel better, take them off and go back to bed. i know that sounds entirely pathetic, and you all probably think i'm a freakin paranoid schizophrenic.... i'm not.... most of the time.... until something like last night happens....

i had the most AWFUL dream about my daughter, Taylor..... I HATE to even THINK about something like this because it just turns my stomach.... i am SOOOOO deathly paranoid of anyone kidnapping her, or doing anything inappropriate to her.... i've had dreams like this before, and i wake up, literally, crying. jason has woken me up sometimes because i'll be crying in my sleep.... well this morning, i woke up. i turned on the bathroom light (in our bedroom), then walked into the hall and turned that light on.... then i walked into the living room and turned that light on.... i fixed the curtains so that no one could see in and turned on all the outside lights we have.... i went straight for taylor's room, and turned on the light outside her room.... i adjusted her curtains so that no one could see in and then just sat at the edge of her bed....

i ran my fingers through her short hair, and my eyes, again, filled up with tears.... she was sleeping so peacefully.... she wasn't how i'd seen her in my nightmare.... she was sleeping like a sweet angel... a peaceful angel.... and i just wept at her bedside. and i KNOW that sounds sooooo absolutely pathetic, but it was truly a wake up call....

i've been complaining so much about how my kids drive me UP the freakin wall (well, lewie moreso than Taylor, but still).... I just kissed her head and gave thanks that she was alive and well.... i checked on Lewie, and he was fine, and i went back to our bedroom, leaving all of the outside lights on and our bathroom light on....

then i couldn't sleep.

i tapped jason, (who was totally snoring) and seriously asked him if he would just hold me....
he asked me what was wrong and i'd told him i was having nightmares again and he rolled over and just snuggled me into a comfort i just absolutely needed at that moment.... i felt safe.... but my mind wouldn't shut off there....

i started thinking about what parents teach their children about strangers. i'm so friendly to everyone i meet. i can strike up a conversation with anyone and taylor sees this. she is the same way. and as much as i love it, it scares me.... i don't want her to be so friendly with the wrong person that something ends up happening to her.... i don't want her to just trust anyone and everyone, but i don't want to make her paranoid either....

what is the right age to start talking to your children about who to talk to and who not to? who is allowed to touch you (NO ONE!) and who isn't.... i remember starting this conversation with her when she was about 2 years old.... and i've ALWAYS ALWAYS reminded her.... with age comes different ways to reiterate the same message.... and i think it's terribly important that, we, as parents do this! It's uncomfortable, i get it.... it's difficult and we don't know if we're doing it "right" and so we might just put it off... DON'T!!!!

i've covered almost as many aspects and different scenarios as i can possibly cover with taylor.... you hear of all different stories on the news and read about them on the internet.... "man lures child with a puppy" or crazy stuff like that!!! stuff you wouldn't even think about, because you, yourself aren't capable of commiting such a horrific crime!!! but these people, these SICKENING beings exist!!!!

we used to live right across the street from taylor's school. literally it took about 3 minutes to get there, walking, it was that close. so many of her friends walked to school. but i wouldn't let her.... i'm sorry. call me overprotective.... those who know me in real life, know that taylor's not entirely overprotected, BUT i am not one to gamble.... especially with my daughter's well being... there is NO way i was going to take the chance.... i get it.... kids used to be able to do so much more on their own. go to the park, ride bikes to the store, walk to school, walk to a friend's house.... maybe there are more predators today than before? maybe there are the same amount, but we just know about it more via the news and internet and all that stuff?? i don't know. i don't know what it is.... i know that i cannot protect taylor for the rest of her life, but at 7 years of age, i am not willing to hand over the responsibility of her own life's safety and well being.... sure, she can get up and pick out her clothes and get her breakfast and pack her lunch, but that's entirely different than saying, "okay go walk to school and if anyone tries to kidnap you, defend yourself."

this is probably one of those controversial topics, like politics or abortion, and i'm sure there will be many people with many different views.... i'm open to hearing them all, i really am.... like Stacey says in her blog entry "cheerleader," it takes a village.... but we, as their parents, are the ones who ultimately end up making the decision in the end....

12 comments:

Pat Tillett said...

Those are terrible dreams.
A couple of things.

Didn't your parents or friends ever teach you:

1. NOT to stare at things in the dark? They ALWAYS start moving.
2. To ALWAYS close the closet door before going to bed.
3. That there are no such things as ghosts. Or did they teach you that, but you chose to "believe" anyway?

I wonder what would happen if you saw a ghost while a earthquake was taking place? LOL...blog entry, please!

Ashley King said...

they are AWFUL nightmares.... you cannot call them dreams.... they are not dreamy.... they are not pleasant....

1. i do not stare at things in the dark. they stare at me.
2. i do close the closet door. the ghosts open them.
3. there are totally such things as ghosts, and freddie krueger lives under my bed.

and 4. be careful what you wish for.... you're lucky i was there. you wouldn't be alive if i wasn't.

Ms. Anthropy said...

I used to interact in my dreams and it was an excellent way to problem solve. I miss that. I was very overprotective of my kids, still am and they are grown. Same with the grandkids. Ounce of prevention...

So, does this mean you DO believe in ghosts? I could discuss this topic all day long!

Bossy Betty said...

You are a good mom to want to protect your kids--really you are, but if the thoughts of abduction drive Mommy to the looney-bin, then, well, that's a bad thing. I'm big into the role of positive thinking. That doesn't mean ignoring the dangers that are out there, but just envisioning peaceful, wonderful scenes before you go to sleep. Envision your daughter safe and confident.

I think it's fine to talk to kids about strangers, and to let them know to trust their "inner voices" and listen to them. It's a fine line, but try not to let your fears transfer to her.

It's just not easy, is it?

Ashley King said...

i totally don't interact in my dreams. i am a stupid victim to them and can't ever wake up!!! the ghost topic .... an entirely separate blog. lol.

@ Bossy Betty,
you are right. it can't drive me to the looney bin... nothing has happened to ME personally, but i know a few people it has happened to, and you just don't ever expect it to happen, you know? i am all about the positive thinking! and i break down and cry and complain about my kiddos every once in a while, and then i dust myself off, gather myself and continue on... i would hope it's not driving me to the looney bin, because most often i don't express my fears, but it doesn't mean i don't try to think of ways to prevent the stuff.... i watched the movie "the secret" and did amazingly well with the positive thinking for a while... could probably use a refresher. =) thanks for always having uplifting words and encouragement!

Mainland Streel said...

Betty's right, I think... It's very important to have an open line of communication with your kids about this kind of thing, but it has to be done with care.

My mom always talked to us about scenarios and stuff, but the way she did it actually just made me terrified of men. It lasted well into my teen years, sadly, since I thought every man was out to rape or kill me. :(

You're a good mom, and your kids seem well-adjusted. I don't think not letting her walk to school is a bad thing. I wasn't allowed to walk anywhere out of my mom's sight until I was probably about ten or twelve. I turned out alright, despite her protectiveness, and I was never kidnapped. ;)

Andrea said...

You seem like such a good mom!! Gut tells us a lot! Just use your head and gut and I w/Ms Anthropy - ounce of prevention. My kids and I talk about stuff like that, but I try not to let them see my obsessive side! However, we live in an "information overload" society and they need as much good information as they see bad. Teaching them that you care and how to care for themselves (and others) isn't a bad thing. At least you are a parent that worries enough to get up at ungodly hours and kiss your kids (thought I was the only quacky one who did that!). Love 'em while you got 'em! Nothing wrong w/that as long as you don't smother them or become that "evil controling in-law" that can't let go. LOL! Don't see that happening. Kiss 'em both again if you get up tonight, and the next night, and the next night....

Ally said...

I had such a bad nightmare last night too but in my case someone stole my purse. I think your feelings of insecurity with your kids is normal. You seem like a great mom. I don't know how moms do it. I'd be a worried, anxious mess. I can't even babysit other people's kids. I'm that nuts. I make them sit and I'm afraid if they move they will get hurt. Ugh.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

You're Pat's daughter? And a choco-fiend? That's a double bonus. I'm following twice!
Cheers,
Robyn

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

I'm glad to see that there are more people out there like my wife and I....

My side of the family says that we're over protective.... I say that we're just protective enough....

Ashley King said...

haha! thanks rawknrobyn!!!
life would be horrific without them both!!! (pat and chocolate) ;)

i'm glad you're here!

ASBLACKASOBAMA, i know this post made me sound completely paranoid and overprotective, and honestly i'm usually not, but the nightmare made my insides just turn.... a gruesome glimpse into what COULD be a reality.... i can't imagine how the mother's feel who have had this actually happen to them.... i guess it's better to be safe than to be sorry.... but i know that i cannot go around protecting her forever... it's hard when you face family's feedback constantly and it differs from what you believe.... how do you and your wife cope with that? do you guys discuss the family's opinions? do you ignore them? do you get upset? i'm curious.

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

The post doesn't make you sound paranoid or overprotective at all....

My side of the family is of the opinion that I'm way too overprotective....

I tell my wife that our children are our children, and we make the decisions for our children.... At this point, my family has come to grips with the fact that we parent the way we want to parent, and they can't change us.... You do what you've got to do.... I'm going to e-mail you an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago.... But my brother was doing things (not yucky things) that made us, as parents, uncomfortable.... We asked him nicely to stop, and there was a huuuuuuuge blow up.... We haven't talked since.... But my family and I never really had a perfect relationship and I didn't see my brother much to begin with.... You probably have a different relationship with your family....

My wife and I discuss things like our family disagreeing with our parenting habits all of the time.... But we're a team, and we make decisions together and I'm not going to let myself sway from my parenting beliefs, just because my parents or siblings try to make me feel bad about them....