As"King" Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I'm pretty sure I have A.D.D. I mean, everything I read seems to point in the general direction of ME and my whole life.... I think it's affected many of my relationships and I'd like to get the help I need so that I do not ruin relationships in the future. You seem kind of scattered or crazy yourself.... What do you think I should do?

Sincerely,

Likely ADD

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Dear What's your name,

I am NOT scattered OR crazy.... I am both!!!

I'm sorry, what was your question?

As"King" Ashley #3.... i think?

I hadn't planned on blogging much, but i HAD to blog about this one, because i had a mouthful to say, and i couldn't push it to the back of my head no matter how hard i wanted to, or how hard i tried....

so here goes....

Dear Ashley,

I have been married for a little over a year now and i think my wife is cheating on me.... i REALLLLLY want to spy on her so that i have the evidence i need to show her that i know she's been cheating on me.... should i spy or shouldn't i?

sincerely,

desperate for answers

Dear Snoopy,

I think you are desperate for far more than answers. you need help.... because 1 of 2 things is going on here.... either 1. your wife is really cheating on you, which is why you have the gut feeling she is, and if that is the case you shouldn't be with her anyway.... or 2. you are SUPER insecure, which if this is the case, you really shouldn't be with her anyway, because YOU, my friend, need some serious help, and this has everything in the world to do with YOU and YOUR insecurities and NOT with her.... you said you wanted to snoop so that you would have the evidence to show her that you know she's cheating on you.... well, i hate to break it to you, but chances are since she is the one doing the cheating, it's quite a heavy possibility that she already KNOWS she's cheating on you.... and, in fact, she would need no evidence at all, for i'm pretty darn certain, her memory provides her with enough. do BOTH of you guys the favor, and set her free.... set yourself free....

.... and then seek professional help....

cheaters suck. it's true,

but insecure people suck just as bad....

sincerely,

ashy elbows

As"King" Ashley # i don't remember what number.... 2, maybe?

Dear Ashley,

You seem to know a lot about the medical field and such. what's the best kind of birth control out there?

Sincerely,

Undecided on children

Dear Decided on children,

Sounds like you are decided on children if you are asking about birth control options.... and why the HELL did you ask ME what the best kind of birth control there is out there? i have TWO (not one, but TWO) children....

There are a few different options out there on the market.

Aspirin (generic brand, whatever's cheapest).

pinch that sucker in between your knees and don't let it fall....

that works....

or..... you can just watch this video....

just think.... he COULD be yours....

you're welcome,

Ashley

As"King" Ashley #1

so a friend of mine (whose little girl is just a few weeks younger than Lewie) says

"OMG! im getting nervous... I have a feeling Mia is about to crawl any day... Im not ready for this... i need help! and make a cocktail.. lol....
Do you know of any tricks to make this not happen... im looking foward to your words of wisdom... :) "

and i totally started a response to her, but it just was getting too long.... and well, that's just TOTALLY unlike me.... so i decided to come on here and let her (as well as any other parents with mobile children) in on my little secrets (to mobile children, of course)

First of all, if your children are now in motion, jumpers are fantastic.

i believe this one is called the "safari jumparoo." babies r us sells them for right around 90 bucks, but i tell you this was the best 90 bucks we've spent on this child (as i've been putting him in it since he was about 5 weeks old).... they can't hold their heads up at 5 weeks and they can't touch the floor.... you're right. that's why you put pillows underneath their feet and roll up receiving blankets around them and notice the monkey head on the jumper? that helps with their head too.... trust me. it's fantastic! (and it sits them upright which is what most babies like anyway)

the playpens work great...

upside down!

because if you keep them right side up, they eventually learn how to climb out of them and once again they are loose.... and can totally rip cords out of machines, and shock themselves and break things.... (this totally reminds me of the simpsons episode when homer makes little bunnies out of all the outlets and marge says "but maggie's not afraid of bunnies." and homer says, "she will be!") sorry. totally not funny if you didn't see it.

upside down playpens.... keeps them in an enclosed area, until the get enough back (or head) strength to then move the playpen along .... this only works until they're like 3 feet tall. then.... you can switch it up.... to things like this....

or things like this:

children are very much like dogs. they snoop, they eat stuff off the floor, they eat and drink and drool on stuff. they cost a lot and need a lot of attention.... therefore, these metal gates are an excellent idea (but plastic is probably better).... you can enclose the area that is considered "safe" for them.... and throw food over the top (as mentioned above, they'll eat it off the floor anyway).... if they attempt to climb out of it, well it will just collapse, make a really loud noise, they'll start crying and this will give you enough time to get into the kitchen (or wherever you put this "safe" place) before they get into anything else. =)

There you have it my friends.... all you need to know for your mobile, or soon to be mobile children....

as"King" Ashley anything.... that you want to know about you. not me.

okay, so i don't think that's probably the most appropriate name for the whole "ask ashley" if you wanna know something (but not about me.... i post everything you could ever want to know about me in my blog), but feel free to ask anything else.... i'll do my best to find an answer for ya!!! =)

i've been emailed by a few friends of mine asking my advice, or thoughts on certain situations.

it's inspired me to open this up for everyone.... i'll even keep you anonymous. =)

so really.... what should the name of this type of thing be?

"Ask Ashley" ?? (seems kind of UNoriginal to me)