So long, Little Red Wagon....

Okay... this is lame.... but this Radio Flyer wagon was my gift to Taylor on her 1st birthday.... Well, it wasn't JUST this wagon, but the wagon (and the umbrella that attached to the side) was her "big gift." She loved going on walks and riding in wagons.... we'd put blankets and pillows in this one.  There are 2 cup holders, so she could always bring her sippy cup with her... This one even had a built-in cooler (see how the bottom, beige part, dips down? That's the cooler.... There's even a drainage hole so the ice could melt and drain out.... we actually used that "cooler" more for storage when we'd go to the swap meet). The 4 interlocking sides of the wagon are all removable, so sometimes, over the more recent years, I'd use it as a dolly for heavier items.... 

Next month, she is turning 13.... we've had this wagon for almost 12 years.... I was thinking that maybe it had some sentimental value to her, buuuuut.... after trying to convince her that it did talking to her about it.... no.... it really doesn't.... not now, anyway.... 

A few months back, mom and I were at Costco and we saw this foldable/collapsable wagon with a carrying handle (even though it is heavy as all heck and you wouldn't really "carry" it anywhere, other than lifting it in and out of your car).... My immediate thoughts were, "PERFECT! I could get this one and get rid of the radio flyer! It would save room in the garage and Jason will be happy!" Last month, mom got me that wagon for my birthday but she also told Jason my ORIGINAL plan about getting rid of the radio flyer also, so now I feel obligated to get rid of this wagon, and I guess I really don't NEED to have TWO wagons.... especially because I'd just recently purchased a dolly to serve the purpose of a dolly.... 

For all the wonderful walks we shared in this little red wagon.... the countless smiles and joy you brought Taylor, circling around and around in the backyard.... For holding our purchases, our belongings.... for carrying Asia on "walks".... for helping me carry things around the yard and from the truck to the garage.... I am so thankful for you, sweet Radio Flyer.... I hope we can find you a new and wonderful family.... one you can bring many more smiles and memories to for years to come!!! 

(Do you wanna know how dysfunctional I am? I'm literally typing this with tears in my eyes, thinking about all of the memories!!) 

So long, Little Red Wagon.... with this post, we will never forget you!!! 

A.D.D. Solution #437- How to get rid of stuff

Soooo.... I've struggled with "getting rid of stuff" for quite some time.... I don't know if it's the A.D.D part or my crazy emotions.... I have so much "stuff".... I remember who gave me what and when and everything else you could possibly remember about items.... I have all these wonderful intentions of finding the perfect people who might want or NEED these items, but where do you actually FIND the perfect people for your stuff? I imagine finding a woman who is looking for work and then giving her my Express dress clothes, because I know how much I paid for each pair of those pants and shirts.... Or, I imagine finding kids who don't have toys or kids who need clothes and giving them all of the kids' things.... Where I'm going to find these kids? I'm not really sure... Our garage is like.... ummm, I don't even know what you'd want to call it, but it's scary.... it has a whole bunch of crap from a whole bunch of years, holding a whole bunch of memories (and not) and I just have a really hard (and overwhelming) time going through any and all of it....

A few weeks ago, in one of my therapy sessions, I'd had this idea.... what if I took my laptop with me, out into the garage and took photos with the "stuff" that I've been holding on to.... take a photo with the stuff and then jot down the memories that I'm afraid of losing if this item goes away....

So.... It's been an idea for some time and I haven't really started it yet, but last Sunday, after some good tunes and a few glasses of wine, I'd decided to give it a shot.... I made a sign.... "Get Rid Of.... (Let it go) of all your junk & dysfunctions...." and then started piling stuff shit next to that sign.... You may laugh.... you may wonder why I've held onto it for so long.... I couldn't tell you exactly why, but for whatever reason it's been in my shelf-less garage.... and I've had a hard time determining a "stack" for it to go into.... but this.... THIS marks my starting point.... well actually like my 3rd or 4th starting point, because I've been throwing some plants away for a few weeks already.... (which I feel TERRIBLY guilty about).... anyway.... here goes.... bear with me on this BORING and highly emotional (for me) journey.... as I go piece by piece, through all kind of crap... and let. it. go..... (of course, I'm singing "Let It Go")....

AHHHH!!!!!

dysfunctions run deep....

I woke up with great intentions and an internal monologue that went something like this:

"i'm gonna make those planters my, nevermind. i'm going to hack them all down and just cut everything down.... and the yard is going to look so clean and nice! YESSSSS!"

and then I get started. I mow and edge the grass.... I pulled the trashcan out and started cutting the rose bushes. But it didn't quite go as planned.

I seriously didn't have the heart to cut down the fresh, little red buds.... I felt like they were all crying to me, "please don't cut me down. i'm just a baby! i'm just starting to grow. i'm a living creature, just like you!"

so needless to say, my freakin planters look like crap, but at least i saved some little living creatures.... ugh.

my dysfunctions run pretty dang deep.

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.

so where can i start with all of this?

or where can i continue....

i left off my last entry with my feelings of knowing a gentleman was going to be losing his battle to cancer within days....

he lost his battle on saturday afternoon.

he was so young....

i didn't know him personally, but i watched the lives he touched.

i listened to his words spoken....

i watched him fight a good fight....

and then i watched everyone's grief when he passed....

you know, i wrote about this just yesterday morning, bright and early.....

just a little food for thought on Facebook....

i watched the outpour of all of these heartfelt messages to him....

why didn't these people come forward with these words before?

where were all these thoughts,

and prayers

and love

and messages BEFORE he passed away....

my main point yesterday was if you are touched by someone and their smile, their laugh, their optimistic attitude....

if you enjoy spending time with someone, or love to kiss them, or get excited when they call....

if you are touched by someone who is ALIVE AND WELL, TELL THEM, PEOPLE!!!!!!!! Do you notice how people come forth to speak about all these wonderful memories and such AFTER the person is gone??

Do you notice how someone becomes a hero once they are gone? All of these people speak up after the fact.... i don't get it. i mean, i appreciate the thoughts of their actions, but to me, it seems like it's more about the people saying the nice things, once the person's already gone, than it is about the person who is gone.... when you tell the person who is ALIVE how wonderful they are, they can share in the joy that you are feeling.... am i wrong? they can KNOW the lives they touch.... or how contagious their laughter and smiles are.... wouldn't you agree?

i know many people have different beliefs as to what happens to people.

some people believe that once you're dead,

you're just gone.

there is not life after.

there is no communication.

no heaven.

there is nothing else that happens, but that you are buried....

there is no hell.

no pearly gates,

no God waiting for you.

that's it.

others believe that there is life after death.

there's a heaven.

a God waiting.

a hell waiting.

most people want to believe that there loved one has gone to heaven once they have passed.

and although there are many people i have known, who have not had any "religious beliefs" at all, when they lose a loved one, or someone else does, i notice they are praying all of a sudden....

i notice their loved one has "Gone to heaven," or that "heaven has another wonderful angel now."

i'm not quite sure i fully understand people's beliefs, or lack thereof, or if it's just "hope" and "weakness" that leads them to pray... that leads them to say such things as "i'm praying for you" and such.... anyway.... regardless of people's beliefs, i think it shows that in moments of weakness, and fear and sorrow, many of us turn to a higher power to somehow magically "fix" what is going on.... i remember praying as a little girl, when i was little. i used to just pray that bad things would go right, but never prayed to thank God for the wonderful things I was given....

In my last post, i went on and on about how in love with my husband i was.... and how i adore even the smallest (most annoying) things he does.... how empty my entire life would be without him....

i give thanks for him every morning I wake up, and he is still breathing... i give thanks again around 6 am, when i receive his text or call that he's made it to work safely.... i give thanks again when we go to sleep at night, because he's made it home safe and sound and i get to fall asleep next to him again.... how wonderful that is!!!!

_____________________

so remember that "we all take life for granted" that i was talking about in my last post?

i totally did something that i feel terribly guilty about....

terribly guilty, because i am still slighlty upset about it, but i don't know who to be upset with, therefore, i sit back with squinted eyes feeling upset at everyone.... =(

i know, shame on me, right?

and you'll ask over what, and i'll tell you and then you'll all laugh and say "REALLY ashley?!"

and i'll say, "ummm, no? i was just kidding. i'm not really mad about it."

i'm cheap.

sometimes, when it comes to money, i'm cheap.

but i'm sentimental as all heck!

everything that someone gives to me, holds such great meaning (remember? i would be a hoarder if jason hadn't come into my life)

so saturday was lewie's birthday party, and he received ALL kinds of different gifts....

most of them toys to help him to walk.... he stands up and, as long as he's holding onto something, he'll take off, BUT he won't walk by himself....

we got the hint.

everyone was telling us Lewie's behind. ;)

anyway,

my younger sister bought lewie toy story bedding.....

wrapped up in toy story wrapping paper....

we had the party at jason's dad's and stepmom's house, and it was mostly family there....

everything came in huge boxes and there was just one big bag that someone had given us a gift in.

anyway, the night goes on, and it's time to load the truck and go home.

i don't know who loaded the truck, and at this point i don't really care.... (although my curiosity still wants to know)....

buuuut, the bedding is missing.

every.thing.else. is here.... except the bedding....

we searched high and low for it.

checked the car.

the garage.

the entire house....

called them to check their house....

it's not there.

they checked everywhere, and the trash.

they couldn't even find the wrapping paper it was wrapped in.

now there were 2 thoughts that initially went through my mind....

1. maybe we didn't open the bedding there?? maybe i just THOUGHT we opened it there, and we really didn't!!!!

nope. not the case.... i'm pretty sure THAT'S the toy story bedding right below taylor in the picture.... you see the clear bag that says TOY STORY on it.... in the bedding bag?? there is picture proof that the bedding DID exist!!!!

and yes, it was Lewie's birthday, not Taylor's, however, with all of Lewie's toys that were purchased, his dad and stepmom were thoughtful and got her one to open too so she wouldn't feel left out. how sweet, because i wouldn't think of something like that. i'd give her a hard time and say, "dude, your birthday is coming up in a few months. get over it."

then i thought, okay, well SINCE the bedding DID exist, then maybe it flew out of the car.... or someone stole it from our car.... well, truck.

(because if it was put in the back of the truck, then it COULD have flown OUT of the truck, OR when we stopped for PANDA EXPRESS on our way HOME, someone COULD have STOLEN it out of the BACK OF OUR TRUCK!!!!!!!) which is why i NEVER PUT STUFF IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK THAT CAN FLY OUT OR BE STOLEN!!!! i'm crazy about this!!!!! jason ALWAYS says it will be okay....

anyway, i didn't load the truck, so honestly i can't tell you where the bedding was loaded. jason says that the bag was put INSIDE the truck, which only leaves one other explanation for the missing bedding.... a ghost stole it.

so i was upset with jason all day yesterday over this bedding.

1. because if he DID put it in the back of the truck and it flew out, I TOLD YOU SO!

2. if someone stole it out of the back of the truck, I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

or

3. if a ghost stole it, I TOLD YOU THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS! I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

so whatever happened to the bedding, I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!

not only was it one of the most expensive gifts we had, it was from my younger sister who doesn't have a whole lot of money to spend.... here i go with my dang sentimental-ness....

jason tried sooo hard to get me to get over the missing bedding.

"we'll go buy new bedding." he said. "then lewie will have the bedding you wanted him to have, and the only thing that is really missing is the 40 bucks."

it sounded good, but not good enough at the time.

i was still upset.

he said a bunch more, that all likely sounded good to him, but i was still upset....

how does bedding just DISAPPEAR!?!?

then i started thinking, "if i loaded the truck myself, i would know where the bedding was put. i would know where it went missing, and probably at what time." because i'm weird like that....

this took me back to my super controlling ways of it just being taylor and i, and i was upset....

and no matter how hard i tried talking myself out of it, nothing was working,

until this....

"what if something were to happen to him RIGHT NOW?! how HORRIBLE would i feel for bickering about toy story bedding that would just cost us 4o bucks.... (well actually 80 if you count the 40 that was already spent on it)...."

the answer: i'd feel horrible. so i sent him a text message and said, "i'd choose you over 40 dollar toy story bedding anyday honey."

his response: "you wouldn't have said that an hour ago."

my response: "nevermind."

lol. the bottom line is, that no matter how major things seem, remember if it isn't life or death, chances are it's petty.... (unless it has to do with toy story bedding, then it's major)....

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.....

....i'm ALMOST convinced it's petty..... ;)

obligation.

Have you ever done stuff out of obligation??

I'm sure most of us have....

Do you STILL do things out of obligation??

I'm not even going to lie.

I'm totally one of these people, who although not ALWAYS, i sometimes do things out of a feeling of obligation....

sometimes i clean the house out of feelings of obligation....

even if i REALLY don't WANT to clean the house, i somehow manage to talk myself into doing it before jason gets home....

my thought process goes something like this.

"if i worked a few hours away, and have been gone since 430 am, and worked my butt off all day in the heat, and then sat in rush hour traffic to come home.... i'd at least want the house to be clean."

and then my selfish, tired self whines.... "but i don't want tooooooo...."

and then the obligated self says, "quit being so selfish and just clean the house real quick."

and then i seriously like hate myself for like 10 minutes (well at least the obligated self), because she usually wins in stupid battles like this....

and then sometimes, when jason comes home and doesn't even realize that i seriously just fought with myself for like a really long time to get myself to clean the house, and that the house could have been so messy when he got home, but instead, it's clean and smells good.... sometimes i just wanna sit on the couch the next day.... and NOT do anything.... and see if he notices.... (and in his defense, he normally does notice when i clean.... even if it is just a small comment like, "the house looks great mama.")

i guess the obligations kind of go hand in hand with the stupid expectations....

when i feel OBLIGATED to do something, i feel like i am just fulfilling someone else's expectations of myself.... and even if i reallllly don't want to do something, sometimes i just do, because who knows.... i may just really make their day.... BUT sometimes i think i just get angry with myself for doing so....

ACK! i don't know why i do this!!!! i mean, i KNOW why i do this.... what i guess i DON'T know why, is why i can't stop it!!!!

I think it's my thinking.... something like, "your 1 hour of hating to clean the house is so much easier than jason's bad mood for the entire night if the house is messy." (which is kind of a lousy example, BUT that's the example i'm going to use for now.... because.... well, i don't want to put a whole lot of other people on blast in my blog.... who knows who reads this thing....)

one day i'll come around to just putting it all out there (like i normally do).... but for now.... i need to sit and think about this one.... the obligations i often feel for many different people.... i try like hell not to do anything out of obligation, but it's this sick part of me that thinks i'm selfish if i don't just swallow a tad bit of my unhappiness for someone else's satisfaction, and no, not men.... not even a little bit.... i mean like family members.... or friends....

and if you're reading this and feeling guilty, maybe you should rethink the expectations you have of people.... focus on your own feelings and how you can change THOSE, rather than expecting the entire world to change for you.... i try really really hard to change the way I FEEL about things, because, ultimately, that's the ONLY thing i have control of. hell, i don't even have control of my kids.... you know?

it's just something to think about....

i apologize for venting about this.... it's just bugging the crap out of me right now.

MONSTERS!!!!!!

i totally wouldn't watch this before bed.... these things will EAT YOU ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!

(just per your request Ms. Anthropy!!)

watch out taylor swift.

well let me go back a bit.... taylor records music videos on my computer often!

i come on here, and there's just a new video... this is like a weekly ritual for her.... or something like that.... one was so cute and animated that i posted it on here (her imitation of Fergie and "big girls don't cry") this one was not so animated, but still made me laugh when i happen to stumble upon it randomly....

since she made this video, we decided we'd make one together....

this video was not recorded with the intent to post.....

but i've got nothin' for you guys today.

nothin' but a cheap taylor swift/dork video.... (and this was from a few weeks ago)

i wish i could be nearly as cute as Ally from "Fourth grade nothing".... but unfortunately.... i'm no where near that.... so this is just gonna have to do for now.....

i think taylor totally got embarrassed and backed out of the whole "making the video TOGETHER" part, and ended up ditching me shortly after we started....

notice the closed door in the back?

jason was taking a nap.

he woke up and asks, "is this what happens everytime i take a nap?"

ummmm..... pretty much.... ;)

glasses.

i have a confession to make.

it's been years since I was in the 7th grade, but i still feel horribly guilty about this....

we were watching a film in our 7th grade english class.

lights were out.

tv was loud.

this goofy looking kid sat behind me....

he kept kicking my chair and it was slowly driving me nuts.

i'd asked him to stop a bunch of times.

he wouldn't stop.

i even threatened him and told him that if he didn't stop, i was going to punch him.

yeah.

that's what i said.

"if you don't stop, i'm gonna punch you!!!!"

he didn't stop.

in fact, he kept kicking and LAUGHED while he did it.

i remember his shoes left shoe marks on my clothes and that was it for me.

i turned around and slugged the guy so hard, right in his face.

i knocked his glasses off of his face and onto the floor and he cried.

i felt horrible.

speaking of glasses....

it reminded me of when this kid named jonathan guerrero and some other bully played keep away with my glasses in first grade, and when they dropped them (somewhere) on the playground, i couldn't see them, and i remember asking people in passing if they saw a pair of glasses on the ground....

is that absolutely pathetic of me that I remember 2 boys playing keep away with my glasses in the first grade?

you'd think you'd let the small stuff go, right?

i think this was the beginning of my caring heart....

i never wanted to intentionally make someone feel that bad....

well that started the caring heart thing, but why, at SUCH a young age did i start hoarding things?

(fear of abandonment?) i don't know.... but i still have EVERY single pair of glasses i've ever owned.

i have a totem pole that i made in 1st grade.

i have a doll that my dad gave me when i was five.

since then i've thrown up in her hair, attempted to wash it, and when that failed, i just cut her tangled hair and then attempted to brush the rest. (that was at about 7 years of age, and i stillllll have this doll. her name is pamela.)

i think i'm going to take a picture of all of these belongings (dysfunctions) and post them on here.

THEN i just might start feeling embarrassed that i still actually have all this stuff and start getting rid of it.

anyway.... sorry brian wooten for punching you in the face and knocking your glasses off.

now i'd probably better go help jason. he's outside pulling weeds by his lonesome.

what a great husband.

i hate yardwork.

questions to the mistress.

i called her earlier today, twice.

i called her once in the morning.

she didn't answer.

and then again around noon.

she obviously hadn't heard the news.

he's gone.

he's been gone.

for some time now.

she musn't befriend anyone mutual, or she would have known that by now.

my heart isn't at peace.

not with her.

or the other woman.

heck, maybe there were more, but those were the only 2 i could ever reach.

and i reached them both.

it's not my place.

sure, it's not my place.

but it wasn't their place either.

sure it's not my place to want answers, but i still do.

what goes through a mistresses mind when she knows a man is married, but continues to follow everything against what is right?

i want to know.

a big part of me wants to be the voice that no one ever had....

so shame me for wanting to know.

but i still do.

and shame me for asking what i want to know.

but i still will....

stupid people.

you know, i try VERY hard to be a very good person.

I try not to think bad things,

or say mean things.

i do really well at not saying mean things, or acting mean....

but i'm not entirely innocent on the thought part, and i know that if you think it you are just as guilty as doing it and it's pretty much eating me up.

am i the only person who thinks there are terribly STUPID and MEAN people out there?

i very much dislike some people to the point that seeing their picture kind of makes me burp up a little throw up acid in the back of my throat.... i sometimes wish i had a delete button for these stupid people, and although I shouldn't judge, forgive me for the times i have these thoughts.

they usually subside and aren't as intense, but sometimes i could really use a good mean person's face to punch....

UGH!!!!!

now is one of those times....

stupid people.

to you, sharpie writer....

This is a follow up to my crazy neighbor lady.... So since that letter was sent to us (which anyone who knows me, knows that I HATE doing something because someone threatens me or pushes me to do something) Jason and I have been suuuper careful with asia and having her outside.... We ONLY let her out on our patio at night to avoid the risk of her possibly barking at any freak of nature that might pass by.... Jason wants to handle things the right way and not stir up anything before we move (which by the way I don't know when will happen), while I, on the other hand, feel like putting asia on the patio and telling her to "get em!!!! BARK AWAY my crazy beast of a dog!" Haha!

Anyway.... The next day after that crazy woman of a neighbor left that nasty letter on our door, she posted 2 "anonymous" letters on the mailboxes for the rest of the neighbors to pretty much "rally together," because "us residents deserve better than inconsiderate dogs!" Oh this letter was very similar to the one left at our door.... Complete with a phone number about who to call to report the dogs to and all this. You know, if asia was really a pain in the butt, I'd admit it, I would. I would understand, but SHE'S NOT!!!! She is the sweetest thing who RARELY barks and if she does, it's for good reason! THAT'S WHAT DOGS DO!

Sorry! I keep getting distracted! So this letter has all types of typing and spelling errors.... (Which drives me nuts when someone is trying to sound like a know-it-all).... My instinct was to take the letters off and call the number to the homeowners association about our crazy neighbor who is sending out these harrassing letters to our doors and posting retarded letters on the mailboxes. Jason said to leave it alone.... (So I did.... But I don't ALWAYS listen) hee hee.... Okay but seriously.... today, one note was ripped off the mailboxes (and NO! I didn't rip it off) and then tonight, when I took asia out for her dump/walk ritual, I saw that someone had taken a black sharpie marker to the other one. They corrected all the incorrect spellings, and wrote at the top of the page "this letter is absolutely ridiculous!". Blacked out the telephone number and wrote "if you have a problem, why don't you be civil and talk to your neighbor about it instead of sending out threatening letters anonymously!". Whaaaaaattt?!?!?! You mean maybe I wasn't the only one to receive a threatening letter?! I LOVED that someone spoke up! I agreed that this letter was completely ridiculous, but kudos to whoever said something!!!! This is like a little mini soap opera. I feel like I want to set my video camera up facing the mailboxes to see who posts the next letter. Man, I have no life.... This is so incredibly lame all because I got boiling blood the other night from some psycho lady who leaves a mean anonymous letter at my door.... Whatever.... I'll keep you guys posted on this stupid lady saga if anything actually happens worth sharing.


Sharks back asleep now from his middle of the night feeding (which by the way, I'm STOOOKED he didn't stay up past his feeding.... Awesome!) So I'm going to take my half asleep self baaaack to sleep now after I drink a big glass of ice water to calm my turning stomach. It was probably all the extra grease from those amazing tasty burgers tonight.... YUM!!!! It was so worth it by the way....=)

To you, brave sharpie writer.... Thank you for saying what I was thinking, and for standing up to kathy bates. PSY-CHOOOOO!!!! Hahaha! Good night!

and to you, crazy lady....

So today is the continuation of a not so great night... If there was a toilet big enough to fit me in it, I would probably cover my face in a snorkle mask and hide out for the day....

I don't know what happened.... I didn't get anything "accomplished" yesterday, but filling my belly and spending 35 bucks to do so.... But it was a nice lunch. My only problem now, is that I didn't get anything done on my "to-do" list....

Last night was just.... BLAH! Jason had a super sensitive headache (which I felt horrible for) I know how awful those things are! And even worse because he doesn't like to take medicine so he basically just sat it out.... And went to sleep early.... Which left me with the two kiddos and myself to look after.... Which doesn't seem like it would be too much, but with a 3 wk old and a 6 year old, it kind of was. Taylor was needing extra attention last night, and I was actually okay to give it to her.... But I had a whiny fussing baby in my arms.... I fed him (about 4 times) and put him in his carrier and carried him out of our bedroom (so jason could, hopefully, get some sleep and get rid of his killer headache).... Went to taylors room to tuck her in (which she was sooo disappointed that this was the first time he was here and didn't tuck her in).... But momma tucked her in.... While little shark was fussin for me again.... Wanted to eat or be held to sleep.... But I still had to get ready for bed and go potty (after 8 glasses of water).... The dog still needed to be taken out and fed.... So out with asia (the dog) we went.... Little man and I.... Only to find a nice, sweet (horribly rude, inconsiderate and THREATENING) letter about our sweet asia on our front door mat (which just so happens to be the coolest doormat around).... This letter was "anonymous" but not very anonymous, when we just had a lady come to our door the other night at 1030 pm asking if anyone lived here because she thought our dog was stranded on the patio with no tenants.... Yes we live here and are here, in fact, every single day.... And I take her out for walks, every single day.... This old (crazy) lady is indeed crazy!!!! Not just saying that because she came over the other night at 1030 at night, ringing the doorbell like she was being chased and about to be killed, but because she happens to be the same lady that was yelling, I mean SCREAMING and cursing at one of the other neighbors at 4 or 5 something in the morning about a month or 2 ago.... And then this letter.... THIS letter is what had my blood boiling last night.... I mean, I was so upset, my head felt fuzzy... It was like I couldn't even see straight.... Come knock on my door... And not at 1030 at night, but knock on my door and act like there's an issue, not like ur concerned.... Act as tough as you did in that letter, not all sweet and innocent, you know? Not saying I would have done anything crazy, but the issue would have probably been addressed a little bit differently than as politely as it was.... (Maybe Jason standing there in his underwear lightened the situation.... It probably would have lightened it for me, had I been the old crazy lady standing outside the door of a studly man in his underwear....). ;)

Yeah so anyway.... I was awake for about an hour and a half after shark went to sleep, thinking about that letter and how I couldn't let it offend me.... And alas, I fell asleep....

Then I wake up this morning to my dear sweet taylor wanting mucho attention and to know when we were going to go to the craft store to purchase some very much needed elastic, so that she could continue her new obsession.... Beading!!!! I couldn't even see straight at 8 am, being that I had been back to sleep for about 2 hrs or so. It's okay though.... She is only 6! (I kept telling myself that).... I told her we would get it today.... She need not worry. =). Little man eats and then falls back asleep. I jump in the shower, only to come out and find him squirming restlessly and whimpering.... Standing in my bra and drawstring pants (with a towel on my head) I picked him up, feeling rather soft at the moment.... *PUKE* all down the front of me.... And all over my fresh clean black pants.... He looks like he feels much better. His whimpering stops and now he's just bright eyed and wants to hang.... Awesome.... (With the exception of the warm wet puke I just sat in on my bed too.... Yep. His puke managed to land on the sheets on my side of the bed! Like I said, awesome!). Ha!

Soooo.... I don't think I mentioned that our bathroom outlets stopped working about a week ago or so.... There is no reset button on the outlets, so I figured maybe it was a breaker? (However, the breaker box is in the garage and covered by about 8 big heavy boxes.... Not very easily accessible) Both bathroom's outlets were not working.... Anyway.... I took a fan down to the garage and plugged it in, and turned it on.... Nothing.... After looking at this outlet, it HAD a reset button. I pushed the reset button, and turned on the fan again.... This time, IT WORKED!!!! At the exact same time the fan turned on, I got this brilliant idea that "hey! Maybe the bathroom outlets were somehow tied to this outlet!". So upstairs I went and plugged in our sonicare toothbrush charger, put the toothbrush on the charger and voila!!! The green light began flashing.... It was charging!!!! Woo hoo!!!! I should become an electrician! Okay, so maybe not, but at least I fixed something that has been incredibly annoying! (I.e. Blowdrying my hair in the living room.)

I thought about typing out the entire RUDE letter but decided against it. In fact, I don't even want to re-open the letter and re-read it.... I know how upset it made me last night, and I really don't feel like getting that upset again, which drew me to another epiphany/conclusion today.... The many years of therapy I've had, have actually helped me!!! Haha! I used to read and re-read stuff like that.... Or in the relationship aspect of it, I'd intentionally look for stuff to be mad about.... Stupid text messages and stuff like that.... Now I try to steer clear of all that "make me mad" stuff.... Probably because there is none in this relationship, and so the closest thing I can compare it to is this rude mean letter from an old crazy lady about my "beast of a dog!"

Okay, yeah. Sometimes my mind goes to "this place" where only I fully understand what I'm talking about.... Now is probably one of those times....

To my old, crazy neighbor, I wish I had the courage to smear dog poop all over your car (or your face), because I would. I would show you what a beast of a dog my dear sweet asia is, (or what kind of beasts she can release)....

To my precious taylor, we will get your elastic.... But life isn't always on your schedule... And right now.... It's really not on mine either. It's frustrating, I know.

To shane, (one of jason's younger brothers) congrats on passing ur drivers test and getting your license.

To Jason, the greatest hub in the world, thanks for the pep talk this morning! You are the greatest!!!! And even though you get bossy sometimes and think u can tell me what to do (and even though I don't listen) I love you with all of my heart and soul! You are the best! Now I hope ur headaches gone, cuz I'm not doing all job duties every night! ;) I'm kidding, my love. I love you!!!! (I wish you could see our son right now. His neck is leaning back and his mouth is wide open with his arms to the side of his head.) It's great! =)

And to myself.... Get off the computer and go accomplish something else today....