Valentines day, Love, As-Is.

so romance sure makes for a great story.... it often lets your heart dream and fantasize.... =)

so often we hope for something terribly romantic so that we can boast and brag to the world about what a terribly romantic spouse we have.... we almost "compare" our romantic stories to others (even if it is subconsciously)....

well i don't have a romantic story to share, but i guess it carries its own level of romance and it's just the perfect amount of romance for me.... it was all i needed....

absolutely, all i needed....

so yesterday, valentines day, doesn't start off terribly romantic.

after a few swift kicks (and punches) to the ribs (and face), and the distant hacking cough (and cries) from taylor in her room, we were both sitting at the edges of the bed.

no words exchanged between us, jason went straight to taylor's room (and got her cough medicine and sat comforting her), while i'm messing around with Lewie's bottle, trying to make the 8 ounce bottle, holding a very squirmy Lewie... he's screaming in my left ear and trying to lean forward to watch me make his bottle.

Lewie, you don't need to watch what i'm doing.... it doesn't make the process any faster. in fact it only slows it down.... of course, i only WISH he understood what i'm saying.... but he doesn't. but i wish he did....

so i'm carrying lewie back to our room, and jason's walking back to our room too....

we kinda meet up in the living room, both heading back to the bedroom, and i rub his back and kinda chuckle, "happy valentines day honey."

and i couldnt help but to think, "we chose this life. we CHOSE this."

lewie was no mistake...

i smiled to myself and thought that as much as i wanted to pull my hair out at times, this is exactly what we chose, and we are beyond blessed to have what we have.... even though sometimes i think i hate waking up at 4 am, my life would be so incredibly empty without those "rude awakenings."

we are sleep deprived.... "riding the wheel" as a pastor said.... wake up, go on about our day, meet up again at dinnertime, get the kids ready for bed, flip a few channels, before calling it a night and going to bed too.... anyway... we are sleep deprived and the morning isn't the most pleasant. I don't even think we said happy valentines day until much later in the morning.

we got up early and all jumped in the car to go deliver the valentines day cards that taylor had made for everyone. she wanted to drop them off on their doorsteps before they woke up, so we all jumped in the car in our pjs (well everyone except daddy)....

we dropped off all the cards and candy and then got starbucks and came home. we cleaned a little.... picked at each other for a bit.... then went into one of our discussions that lead me to falling in love with my husband a million times over all over again....

so we are ready for the day, showered, dressed and ready for this sunny day. we load up the truck and head over to mom's.... we aren't there for too long, but enjoy some guacamole and chips.... well more like, we nearly STUFF ourselves with guacamole and chips.... we enjoy the company of our family. we exchanged little goodies and came home. Lewie needed his nap (and crib, since he doesn't sleep anywhere WELL except for his crib).... and dinner would be approaching much quicker than we realized. being the lousy planner that I am, I hadn't even thought about what to make for dinner. well, i'd thought about it, but still had no idea what to make. i wanted to make something special. something i don't make too often, but i don't really rotate around too many recipes, and i'm not entirely sure what he would feel like eating anyway.... i really overthink things. he's told me this on multiple occasions, but there i was.... overthinking again. i wanted to include Taylor very much in our dinner plans.... so i thought about her and i making a pizza with the pepperonis into a heart shape on the pizza, but we had just had pizza the night before, so that was scratched out of the possibilities. i wanted something not too over the top, something fairly simple and I WANTED TO INCLUDE TAYLOR in our plans.... well, taylor had other plans of her own. she wanted to spend the night at nana and pawpa's.... mom said it was fine and that she'd love to have taylor over.... so once we came home, i had taylor gather up her stuff so that i could take her right back. lewie laid down and was out in an instant. i was hoping to hurry back and have alone time with jason.... once i left the house, i called newport rib company to order take out... yum! ribs and cornbread sounded SO good.... so i thought that while i dropped taylor off, i'd swing by, grab the ribs and head home... well the wait was a little bit longer than i'd hoped for, so i sat around waiting just a tad bit longer than expected.... but got it none the less... YUM! it smelled delicious.... the entire car smelled like the bbq ribs that were boxed tightly in the bag on the seat next to me.... i couldn't wait to get home and dig into them with Jason. as i was driving up crown valley, heading home, the sun was setting.... this was one of those grateful moments that almost bring tears to your eyes.... I was so grateful to be living here in California, in such a beautiful are of california.... i could see the city lights view.... the buildings and city lights lit up the sky as the sun began to set behind the cliffs.... Garth Brooks' 'Shameless' came on the radio, and i turned it up as loud as it sounded clear.... i belted out the song at the top of my lungs.... such a great song!!!! it gave me chills.... kind of reminded me of Jason....

and I gave thanks to God for being right here in this moment in time....

grateful for a husband that I respected more than I'd respected any other being in my life....

thankful that it was HIM I was driving home to....

with these wonderfully smelling bbq ribs and cornbread and sweet butter....

i couldn't wait....

you know, i RESPECT my husband. i VALUE his opinions and they matter. i TRUST his opinions and genuinely CARE about what he has to say and how he feels. i know that he is constantly striving to be a better person, as am i, and i think that is what keeps our love on this "level." it may not sound incredibly romantic, but it's a different kind of romance. a romance on a level i can't even begin to tell you about.... i mean, i really genuinely fall in love with my husband all over again after these discussions, these talks.... these moments of vulnerability....

so i got home....

there were 2 plates on the table.

and a candle.

the playpen was set up in the living room and the tv was on mute...

if that meant that lewie was going in his playpen so that we could have a dinner together, then he was going in his playpen, because we were not passing this moment up....

and we sat at our dinner table, and i said Grace....

i gave thanks for my husband being exactly as he is....

all the things i complain about, i am glad it's him i can complain to....

all the things i give thanks for, i'm glad he's in nearly all of them....

so as i sat back in my chair at the table.... with the candle lit.... and lewie squealing his high pitch squeal, and knowing T was as happy as she could be at nana's house, i knew THIS was the life we chose.... even if it meant dinner over our dining room table, with our squealing baby and bbq ribs to go.... it was far more than i could have ever asked for....

and i knew that this is ENTIRELY what life is about....

THIS is the kind of love you can only hope to carry with you in life....

this is the way we were meant to love one another....

unconditionally....

whole heartedly....

AS-IS....

i love him this way.....

and as i've said before.... everyone has their own idea of perfect....

and mine just so happens to be right.....

for me! =)

So to many MANY more Valentines days together... 2 down, many more to come.

i love you JRK, more than you'll ever EVER know....