Tuesday, May 25, 2010

my husband doesn't need to beat me. i beat myself.

remember that 7000 lb tv i moved the other day.... alll by myself from the back of my truck, up my driveway and to the very tip of the garage (as i was NOT going to move it ANY further than necessary)

(click on the picture to see the bruises....)
the flash went off, so you can't see them as good as you can in person... lean AWAY from the computer to see them better, and i just realized it looks like i peed my pants. i'm pretty sure i didn't....
so, as it is shorts season, i'm pretty certain that when i wear these out in public with jason, people probably are giving him the stink eye assuming that he has likely caused me this harm.... and that i had to come up with this horrible story about lifting a super heavy tv all by myself out of the back of the truck which caused the bruising.... at least i didn't say i fell down the stairs.... cuz i really DID do that last october.... does anyone remember that?? concrete stairs at the airport picking up my stepmom in the rain, when i forgot my cell phone and lewie was like 3 months old and instead of breaking my fall, i held on tight to him and instead fractured my tailbone as i slid down FIVE concrete steps.... yeah. hiiiii everyone!!! those stupid "coverup stories.?" they're not cover ups here.... they're REAL!!! i am THE CLUMSIEST SOUL YOU WILL EVER MEET!!!! i could tell you SO many more clumsy stories about myself.... but that would be far too long of a post for right now....
actually i WILL tell you more clumsy stories....
when i was younger, we did this walk/parade type thing for the troops during the gulf war.... i was young.... and walking....
walking proud along the streets of my hometown.... i'm walking, looking to my left, cheering and chanting, when i decide that i should PROBABLY look forward in order to prevent *BAM* running into a pole.... yeah.... looked forward a little too late.... smashed RIGHT into a freakin pole. a street light. smashed my glasses all up in my face and i cried. hard. and loud..... i'm pretty sure i embarrassed the crap out of myself mom.... but whatever.... i don't remember what happened next.... i probably blacked out and was like rushed to the hospital and was declared a hero for being injured while marching for our troops or something... or maybe my mom just marched me home. i can't remember....

i'll save the rest for some other time.... timessssss.s.s..... there are multiple clumsy times....

13 comments:

Bossy Betty said...

Ashley! I am a klutz too and also a super-bruiser. When I get a really good one, I have to show everyone--no matter where it is!!

Ms. Anthropy said...

I get more bruises that way (moving stuff) than most any other way.

Marlene said...

Don't feel bad. My younger daughter (she's 19 now) is the biggest walking klutz....and it's actually kinda cute. We tease her, that she trips over carpet lint.

Ummm....may I please have your legs?! (I'll even take the bruises!)

Ashley King said...

i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who beats herself up.... though i'd much rather have a really cool story to go along with the bruises.... something like, "i wrestled a loose gorilla at the zoo who was trying to attack some kids" or something like that.... something a little more interesting than, "i totally forgot to ask my husband to help me the night before so i moved this ginormous tv by myself...." i'm pretty sure when i crushed my toes, i yelled out a not so nice word at like 7 am.... yikes! jason came home today and said, "nice bruises mama!!" i said, "thanks. i told everyone they're from you." ;)

marlene, you can have my legs!!!!

buymebarbies said...

OH EM GEE!!!! I remember the crashing into the "concrete" light post!! I'm just surprised that you survivied your childhood, not by all your clumsiness, but by me not strangling you and throwing your body off the Angeles Hwy!! WAAAH, WAAAH!!!! MOOOMMMM!!!!

Ashley King said...

lol... thanks mom. you're the best. lol. had to attempt to get my sympathy somehow.... sorry.

Ashley King said...

P.s. Mom start a blog. ;)

Pat Tillett said...

It took me a long time, but I finally came up with a solution to the "brusing." Now, I only blog, watch TV, sit in the shade, and read... It seems to work so far.

Ashley King said...

@Pat.... if only i could....

Ian said...

Um, should I call the cops?

Ally said...

ouchie! hope you're okay. great legs by the way, i say that in a jealous way not a hit-on-you type way :)

Ashley King said...

lol @ Ian.

Ally, i'm totally okay. thank you!!!

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

lol! My wife and son are the same way! My daughter isn't walking yet, but we're hoping that she doesn't have the clumsy gene....