guilty conscience.

To my dear sweet guilty conscience,

i wanted to invite her over tonight.

i really did.

i really wish i could enjoy her company,

but if i'm to remain brutally honest,

i don't.

i don't enjoy it.

not one bit.

in fact, i dread the thought of it.

i dread the thought of being in the same room as her

for fear of everything she talks about.

i wish i could hit a "mute" button in my head,

and shut it out.

i haven't yet learned how to do so,

but i'm working on it i tell you.

i would enjoy her company so much more if i didn't have to hear about everything she's done.

i would enjoy her company so much more if i didn't have to hear about how adorable she thinks she is.

i would like to believe that i could enjoy her company much, much more if....

i don't know the answer to that.

the if's are endless....

so between torture and honesty,

i choose to remain honest....

honest to myself until i learn how to change how i feel....

here's to a little more honesty

and a lot more hard work....