Sunday, March 7, 2010

guilty conscience.

To my dear sweet guilty conscience,
i wanted to invite her over tonight.
i really did.
i really wish i could enjoy her company,
but if i'm to remain brutally honest,
i don't.
i don't enjoy it.
not one bit.
in fact, i dread the thought of it.
i dread the thought of being in the same room as her
for fear of everything she talks about.
i wish i could hit a "mute" button in my head,
and shut it out.
i haven't yet learned how to do so,
but i'm working on it i tell you.
i would enjoy her company so much more if i didn't have to hear about everything she's done.
i would enjoy her company so much more if i didn't have to hear about how adorable she thinks she is.
i would like to believe that i could enjoy her company much, much more if....
i don't know the answer to that.
the if's are endless....
so between torture and honesty,
i choose to remain honest....
honest to myself until i learn how to change how i feel....

here's to a little more honesty
and a lot more hard work....


The Drunk Mommy Diary said...

Mrs. King: this might be off the subject but i had the WEIRDEST dream about you (you, who I've never met, I know). Okay, we were sitting under an apple tree in a huge field talking about philosophy and whatever. You passed out and I had to run for miles to find someone with a phone. When I got back with paramedics you were up brushing yourself off and told me "It was a heart attack, but I get those sometimes."
I know, I was totally weirded out all day!

Now, your blog.
Is this person a family member? I try to tell myself the only people that really matter are the ones under my roof, ultimately.
This "adorable" friend sounds a little bit like an emotional vampire.
My kids are emotional vampires, it's my job to deal with them. My friends . . . I understand loyalty and I tend to let people poo all over me in friendships, but you don't need to do that.
Sometimes it's worth saying to certain people "I need you to focus on me right now/ not on yourself so much/ or a/b/c"
and sometimes, honestly, if they aren't going to hear you, it might not be worth the trouble at all.

Ashley King said...

HA!!!!!!! Your dream SERIOUSLY made me laugh out loud!!! that is just tooo funny!!!!