i wanted to invite her over tonight.
i really did.
i really wish i could enjoy her company,
but if i'm to remain brutally honest,
i don't enjoy it.
not one bit.
in fact, i dread the thought of it.
i dread the thought of being in the same room as her
for fear of everything she talks about.
i wish i could hit a "mute" button in my head,
and shut it out.
i haven't yet learned how to do so,
but i'm working on it i tell you.
i would enjoy her company so much more if i didn't have to hear about everything she's done.
i would enjoy her company so much more if i didn't have to hear about how adorable she thinks she is.
i would like to believe that i could enjoy her company much, much more if....
i don't know the answer to that.
the if's are endless....
so between torture and honesty,
i choose to remain honest....
honest to myself until i learn how to change how i feel....
here's to a little more honesty
and a lot more hard work....