Wednesday, September 23, 2009

reality is....

reality is.... we're all going to die one day....
i hope my day is later than sooner....
i want to live to watch my children grow older.... and be happy!
that's what i want more than anything.... happy children and a happy, loving marriage full of laughter and LOTS of love....

so last night, jason and i were driving home from long beach..... taylor was in the car with him, and little man was in the car with me. we were merging onto the 405 south from the 22 east.... it was just after 7 pm.... little man began fussing. my head was beginning to pound.... again.... we merged all the way over to the carpool. (well, little man and i did)  jason and taylor stayed in the right lane..... they passed us. those lanes were actually moving a litttttle bit faster than ours was.... a red motorcycle, splitting lanes, passed me on my right side. and i was JUST thinking about how i HATE when motorcycles do that. especially when they're quiet motorcycles.... and their light doesn't do that funky flicker thing to let you know they're coming up on you really fast, or if they just change lanes really quickly and all of a sudden fly past you. you think, "holy cow!!!! if i didn't just move to the left to get out of their way, i may have just taken them out on the freeway!!!!" IT'S SCARY!!!!!!!  before jason, i ALWAYS wanted a motorcycle!  i loved everything about them. the freedom you feel when you're on a bike. the wind blowing against you.... there was such a feeling about being in control (when in fact you really have not much control at all, because no matter what.... a car is going to overpower you anyday).... 

so anyway.... literally just seconds after that motorcycle went past me, traffic came to a near dead stop.... the right lanes were still moving.... slowly.... but they were still moving.... jason called my cell phone and said, "there's a guy that was on a motorcycle, laid out on the freeway, not moving."  YUCK! my stomach sank. i knew it had to be coming up really quickly, as jason wasn't THAT far ahead of me.... but i didn't see any sirens.... it didn't even click in my head that a motorcycle had juuuuust passed me seconds before.... so while i am sitting at a dead stop, with a screaming man in the backseat, i see flashing lights in my rearview mirror to the right.... a firetruck is arriving on scene. and behind him, an ambulance, and behind that one, another ambulance.... good. they are on scene. holy cow, this had to be a fresh accident! and then BAM! all of a sudden it was like RIGHT there! a guy, lying motionless on the freeway with firemen, lighting flares and cutting off 4 lanes of the freeway.... there it all was right in front of me. and there was the RED BIKE THAT JUST PASSED ME!!!!! nuts!  you're probably thinking, "come on, we've all seen accidents on the freeways before. cars flipped over, motorcycle accidents.... all that."  but i don't know what it was about last night that just hit me.... like a ton of bricks....

i was SUPER sad all of a sudden. i thought about a wife, or a girlfriend waiting for him to come home.... or friends at a restaurant waiting for him to get there.... or for a mom, waiting for her son to come home... someone somewhere was waiting for his arrival, and someone, somewhere got the news that he wasn't going to make it there.... rather he was on his way to the hospital, hoping he made it that far.... little did he know, that moments before, when he was splitting lanes, passing me, that just a few short moments away he would not be splitting lanes. he would NOT be passing cars. he would NOT be moving at all.... he didn't expect that, nor did anyone else.... the driver who was probably on their way home also, but instead is now pulled over, along with 10 other drivers who witnessed the accident.... that driver had no idea their life would forever change, and they would be traumatized with the fact that they just hit a motorcycle and could have killed someone.... or at the very least injured them horribly enough to the point that they may never want to ride a motorcycle again (and they shouldn't).... 

my eyes just filled with tears.... i thought about jason. i thought about taylor. i thought about lewie. i thought about me not coming home to them, or them not coming home to me. and as horrible as that may sound, it really keeps you thanking your lucky stars.... i don't know what i'd do without any of them. my husband, my rock. my conscience,  my very best friend.... ugh! 
i can't EVEN imagine, nor do i ever want to find out!

my friend, Chelsea, witnessed a young girl on a bicycle get hit by a careless speeding driver the other day and had written this note about how you should love the one you're with. never take them for granted. you never know when it's our time..... it's true. it's cliche. we've all heard it before. it's nothing new, but it's TRUE!  every single day i look at jason, i think back to the very moment i realized "i LOVE THIS MAN!" and it can bring tears to my eyes at any given moment. wherever i am. whoever's around. it doesn't matter. THAT'S what we need to hold onto. i think about the mornings i've been grumpy to taylor (back before lewie), and how horrible i'd feel if i didn't have her there to "bug" me, or talk my ear off, and how much i'd miss it.... man oh man. 

my point is this, you gotta LOVE the ones you love. you've got to tell them and more importantly show them. remind them why you do. (and remind yourself). one day this will spread across the world.... one day, everyone will understand this concept, and it will be such a wonderful world then.... until then.... just try it..... just try to stop for a moment and remember that moment your life changed because of this person. 

i admit, i'm a complete soft, sappy, big ol lover.... i tell jason that the smell of his cologne drives me crazy (in a good way). i love his hair line on his neck, and when he just gets his hair cut.... i love him in black and when he kisses me for no reason. 

ugh here i go again.... always talking about how much i love him. i'm sorry. everyone's probably so sick of hearing about it. 

anyway, back to what i was talking about.... tell the people you love them. show them. tell them why you love them, and how wonderful they've made your life.... it's such a great feeling to hear those things (and to say them too!!!)

smiling is good for your health and it's contagious!

word of the day: love. 

love the ones your with. kiss them good night. every night.... and give thanks for them everyday.... every single day you are blessed with them "annoying" you. =)

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