Thursday, June 17, 2010

the situation.

no, not the one from Jersey Shore.
not that situation....
this situation is mine..... (my label: situation)
go ahead....
click on the label....
every single post,
is about the same person....

i originally called it the situation, because all the times that i could remember, were different situations....
disappointment after disappointment....
being put on the spot....
feeling responsible for an older one....
situations,
all with the same person....
my sister.
my older sister.
i grew up the middle child.
i looked like a boy.
and she....
well she looked like a princess.
and a princess she was.
she was a pageant queen.
she won our city's title and went on to compete for the state title.
she even placed for our state's title.

any boy i liked,
well he liked her, of course.
i didn't stand a chance....
i wore glasses.
i had teeth growing out of the front of my gums (while the other teeth were still in place).
the beauty i carried,
it couldn't compare....

except on the inside....
i had a heart of gold....
but my heart of gold was covered by so many other things....
and that was when i learned to find the things that i enjoyed doing....
like rollerblading.
like playing instruments....
making music.
writing music.
music consumed my whole life....
i somehow got lost in music.....
and for a long while,
that is what i did.
sure, i looked to her with great envy.
i wanted people to like me....
but more than that,
i wanted them to KNOW me and like me....
not like me for what was on the outside (and trust me, with my looks, NO ONE liked me for the outside!!) ;)

so i just began continuing my journey of me....
just focusing on things that i really enjoyed....
i still held her very high on a pedestal...
i did.
i thought she was beautiful.
people didnt like her,
and when they didn't like her,
i didn't like them....
hell, in the 9th grade, i was threatening girls much older than myself....
i was going to make sure no one made fun of her the way i was made fun of when i was younger....

time passed....
and there were so many vivid memories that i have....
so many things that remain so clear in my mind.
things you just can't forget....
no matter how hard you try....
i could go on and on and on....

but i guess the moral of the story is, that if you would let no one else in the world treat you one way,
don't allow them to treat you that way because they are family.
i am certain i'll get a crowd full of negative feedback, and that is okay,
i stand firm for what i believe in....
and this,
this, my dear friends, just happens to be one of them....

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have gas....but I love your honesty and I want to know more. xoxo.

Shell said...

I think this is very well put. And heartbreakingly beautiful.

Marlene said...

So true. No negative feedback from me.

Ms. Anthropy said...

It's the people we care about most, that have the greatest ability to hurt us.

Stephani Nicole Anneler said...

Some of the most beautiful people have the ugliest hearts. It's sad. What they don't realize is a heart of gold and compassion, is far more beautiful then what is on the outside. I am totally with you on this one.

John McElveen said...

High Five and tons o' Love--I love a fighter!

John

Ani Meador said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ani Meador said...
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Stephani Nicole Anneler said...

Ok, I'm a bit slow. I too went back and read all your old "situation" posts and now it all comes together and makes perfect sense. You are so talented! Your writting is freakin awesome. On a side note, you truly do have a heart of gold and the best part about that is your daughter is a spitting image of you so she too will carry on the good person you have always been.