Friday, June 18, 2010

situation part 2.

let me clarify a few things here.

my writing, is from MY OPINION only....
i don't EVER expect ANYONE to take my advice for anything,
unless i tell you to go out and try to save the world or something,
because, well, the world needs many more good people doing good things in it....
feed a homeless or something.
buy a kid a toy.
go on a mission trip to africa to help them get clean water and proper medical treatment....
anyway, my point is this....

just because IIIII feel a certain way about something, doesn't mean anyone else has to feel a certain way....
and i'll clarify this about my sister, because she has a business that is actually a very great idea.
she is great at it.
she makes bows, and she makes them well.
she makes sandals and headbands and tutus and they are all adorable....

MY issues have to do with her and that is what affects our relationship and what doesn't allow us to be as close as i once believed we were.....
never would i try to steer anyone away from her products, because on more than one occasion, i found myself attempting to try to "help" her....
or share my ideas as to what i would do if the business were mine....
it's not mine.
she's not mine....

the issues that i have and HAVE had are mine....
mine to deal with....
and i am....
i don't want to harbor the feelings that i have.
i don't want to BASH her on here.
that's not what my intentions are.
i'll have you know,
the experiences in my 26 years with her HAVE definitely impacted my feelings.
they have DEFINITELY impacted my views,
my trust,
my everything....

but like i said in "my place in line,"
you grow and begin to learn where your place is in this world....
my place isn't to be this amazing person to my sister who i felt obligated to be good to....
it was, first and foremost, to be a good wife and partner to my husband.
to be a good mother to my children....
IF the other roles happened to fall into place,
IF we could maintain a friendship as well as a sisterly relationship,
then great....
some people just aren't mean to carry out that many roles....
to maintain a friendship with some people, stretches you far out of your boundaries and limits as a person.
to carry on a relationship with her was something i tried VERY hard to do....
and exhausted myself in trying to do so.
i can share with you guys the "bottom lines" that were crossed WAY more than once....
but for what?
my point isn't to MAKE anyone feel a certain way, it's to share my journey, my feelings,
my experiences....
it's to share some eye-opening experiences with you, because perhaps you've shared them too.
is it my FAULT that people who know both of us happen to read this blog?
no.
you aren't forced to be here....
no one TOLD you to come here....
no one told you to go tell her to come see what i wrote about her....
in fact, if you don't like it, feel free to leave at any time... it won't bother me one bit.
this blog wasn't written "to gain followers."
it was written for me to speak.
and speak freely....
if you want to follow along because you enjoy it, then feel free to do so.
if you do not, then please excuse yourself at any time....
i will not be offended one bit.
if you feel like it draws up too many emotions for you, i'm sorry.
the door is still open.
please feel free to go.

she follows this blog.
she could have been reading these entries all along.
could i really open up and turn this into a bashing session?
abso-freakin-lutely.
will i?
no.
not now i won't....
that's not, nor has it been, my intention.
it's a shame how immature some people can be, however it is not my problem to deal with other's immaturity.

the jealousy part existed as a child....
i was "jealous" of my sister because everyone i liked, liked her....
the jealousy existed during much different times in our lives....
and the jealousy faded, (long ago)
as did everything else....
the trust, probably more than anything....

what i do find that bothers me, is dishonesty.....
dishonesty is probably one of the most absolute worst and sickening traits someone can carry with them....
i am usually that person who wants to puke out the truth, even if it isn't my place, because i feel like the people shouldn't get away with lies....
and i've done this....
i've puked up the truth, when i probably should have or could have bit my tongue....
somehow, now, i am the bad guy....
that's okay....
i'll live with being the bad guy
if that means i can sleep, with an honest heart, an honest relationship, an honest husband, an honest love....
i'll live with being the bad guy,
as long as that means,
i can live with myself....

7 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

Ashley, honey... honestly IS always the best policy. I'm sure your sister and anyone that knows the two of you, can distinguish the truth, whether in real life or typed on your blog. Perhaps they just don't want to face it, you know, sometimes the truth hurts.

Anonymous said...

As always, you say it best!

Anonymous said...

AFREAKINGMEN...

Anonymous said...

You're NOT the bad guy. Sometimes the truth hurts, and you've given it to me (especially lately) when all I've wanted to do was sleep. Its hard to find such honest people in this crazy world, and I admire you for your strength to stand up for what you know is right.

xoxo,
sjh

Copyboy said...

The fact that you can work the word "puke" into your sage-like words of wisdom proves how brilliant you are.

Bossy Betty said...

Ashley, honey! There are people who delight in being offended. There are people who live to point out to others why they should be offended. Feeling offended is like a warm bath to the ego and some people stay in the water way too long. It's a person's spirit and intentions that are important.

Love ya, baby!

buymebarbies said...

BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER, PERIOD!!!