Friday, June 18, 2010

it could be worse....

sometimes i run around like a crazy, wild chicken....
with its head chopped off....
which i never really understood.
because you can't run around headless for too long....
and well, when i'm wild and crazy, it usually lasts for a long time....

so when i think that MY life is hard....
being a mom of 2 children (who are like night and day).....
or working until 10 at night, leaving right when my husband comes home
(so we don't get to see each other on those days, like not at all),
or being a student,
taking a class i know NOTHING about, and taking it in half the time as a normal person would....
being the wife to a stubborn (but studly) man,
and being the one to try to keep the happiness up in this house,
waaaaahhhhh!!! i throw a pity party sometimes....

but it's usually super short lived, and then i realize....
it could be SO much worse. (because i REALLY don't have it bad at all)

so today, TODAY as i was driving, i was thinking about the things i am thankful that i am NOT....

i am NOT:

-a toilet. could you imagine being a toilet? seriously. what a horrible job. people only go to the bathroom, or puke in you and likely rarely clean you, talk to you, kiss you.... ugh! i am SO glad i'm not a toilet!!!!

-a jogging suit.... all snug fitting up in people's sweaty creases!! i saw this lady this morning walking fast, and it pretty much looked like she ran through a sprinkler. she was drenched, but refused to take off her jacket. i am assuming she WANTED to sweat, however, did she think about her jogging suit's feelings?? or perhaps her jogging suit's senses, like touch and SMELL???!! barf!!!

-a tire. imagine spinning around and around and around on hot ground.... 50 bazillion spins getting stuck with rocks and nails and gum?? and if you have a really insecure owner, they dress you up in shiny stuff called 'spinners'?? can you imagine how awful that would be?? and then if they think you're flat, they start dunking you under water to see where the hole is? *dunk*dunk*dunk* i don't like when people dunk me under water, and i get motion sickness, so the constant revolutions would, for sure, make me puke.... could you imagine driving down the freeway, next to puking tires??

-a slide. i'm glad i'm not a slide.... i used to have patience for kids.... before i had my own.... now imagine being STUCK in a park, in the sand, not able to move.... and have kids just climbing up your back and sliding down your front... and then the super bratty ones that try to climb UP the SLIDE instead of going down it like they are supposed to.... as a slide, you'd sit in the beating sun.... and have to listen to people's bratty kids screaming CONSTANTLY.... and then, at night, you'd just stand there, awkwardly, as people made out.... and you couldn't even whistle to break the silence and like, let them know *ahem* you are standing RIGHT HERE!!!!! you'd just have to stand there... quiet.... like a stalker.... AWKWARD!!!!!

- a duster.... i HATE dusting, and it would make me sneeze... imagine someone rubbing your face into dust, stopping for about a half of a second as they walked over to the next piece of furniture and then SMASHING your face into some more dust.... poor dusty!!!!

- a remote control. because people just push your buttons.... ALL day.... and night.... and that's pretty much it....

-a computer. people have all these expectations that you're like superman or superwoman.... and if you're tired, and pause for a moment, because they WOKE YOU UP out of a dead sleep, they start beating on you.... or if you aren't moving fast enough, they start clicking and pounding on the keys, or they start making phone calls to your company or they call the "geek squad." and they think YOU'RE the geek!!!

-thong underwear. (see jogging suit, above).

soooo, what are YOU? or better yet, what are you NOT?

it could ALWAYS be worse....

10 comments:

Ani Meador said...

LOL! This is a good one! Well they all are but I really liked this one. Long live spinners! Forget the toilet, I'm glad I'm NOT toilet paper. Just think about all the shit they have to deal with!

Ms. Anthropy said...

Normal!

Ms. Anthropy said...

Oh, yeah... that's what I'm NOT!

Marlene said...

LOL!! Thanks for the laughs!!!

I'm glad I'm not a door mat. You live your life outside in the cold and blistering heat...everyone walks all over you, birds crap on you, and when you get tired and worn, you get tossed like garbage.

Ally said...

thanks for the laugh. a thong, ha ha! remote control! you're too much!

love ya girl, hang in there!

Bossy Betty said...

Love the way you think!!!! I cracked up!

As for me, I am really glad I am not an ice cube. I think you know why!! You get all made up, just to melt? No.

Ashley King said...

@Ani, HAHAAAA! SPINNERS FO LIFE!!!! and then we lean in and bob our head to the Laker Anthem, when we are quickly jolted with the reality that we have children in our backseat and are NOT in fact as gangster as we originally thought we were. ;)

@Ms. A. at first i thought you were saying YOU were normal and I wasn't. i was going to frown. =( but then i realized it was you are NOT normal, and that's okay! because i am not normal either!! ;) we can be abnormal together!!! whatever you are, i love you just the same!! hee hee

@Marlene, yes! a door mat! because people just walk all over you!!!! BUT a perk to the doormat, is that you get to see up people's shorts... wait, is that a good thing?? i'm pretty certain that would fall under the "negative things about being a doormat" category.... saggy stuff just isn't appealing.... *gag*

@Ally, i'm glad you laughed! you see, it COULD always be worse, right?!

@BB, yes! exactly! they put you in the freezer... that's like getting plastic surgery on your face like 16 times.... you're stuck, you can't move.... and then you wait patiently for the freezer door to open, and everytime it opens, you get this glimmer of hope that they are going to grab you, but instead they grab the frozen burrito next to you.... and then you wait again, until they finally grab YOU!!!!! and then they grab you, and you THINK you're about to be saved, but instead, you are shoved down someone's shirt to "cool them down." or dropped into some child's HOT soup.... or you get dunked into root beer or something disgusting.... and you just mellllt.... ugh! poor ice cubes!!!!

Ms. Anthropy said...

Guess it was a good thing I came right back to make that clear. See, that's how accidents with comments, get misconstrued. With me, it would help if I would think, first, but you know how that goes. (dang brain!)(mine, not yours... just to clarify)

Ashley King said...

@Ms. A, you crack me up! YOU crack ME up.... just to clarify!!! hee hee.... ;)

danielle aarsvold said...

love this!!! If everyone just embraced who they REALLY were and realized that the people who are willing to tell you the truth that might hurt a little initally are the people who truly care we might have a lot less issues in this world! LONG LIVE TRUTH PUKERS