My creative juices get flowing at night.... Maybe because jason falls asleep and I'm still awake, thinking of all the things I didn't get out of my head from earlier in the day.... Nooo.... That's not it, because all these seem to be new ideas.... Like they all of a sudden came to me tonight.... On my bit of a long drive home from long beach to laguna.... From the 22 east... To the 405 south.... To the 5 south.... I thought of many different things....
First of all, I'm sorry for getting on here and "venting" so much. You must think I hate being a mother or something, but in fact I don't.... I just share the side that many people don't share (mainly us women). You'll always hear women saying things like "ohhhh becoming a mommy was the greatest thing I've ever done..." Or "it's just the most wonderful thing you can ever experience...." Or things like that.... What they DON'T normally tell you, are all the normal feelings they feel.... Now I don't know if it's out of guilt.... Or if it's just because it's one of those forbidden things you just don't talk about.... Sort of like poop.... Whatever the case may be, the feelings are very real....(And, in fact, very normal!!!). I think every woman, (and probably man too) thinks about life before baby and how much easier it was, and how much more peaceful it was.... Stuff like that. You guys both got more attention from each other, and yes.... Affection too! I miss that SUPER closeness I had with my husband, which we both want back more than anything, but we've also both accepted that in a little due time (like maybe when he sleeps a little bit longer.... ) It'll come back. I still find my husband amazingly attractive.... And often wonder if I'm still as attractive to him as I once was.... I would never ask him that, but instead try to take his word when he says things like "you are so beautiful." Or "I still look at you the same as I did before.". But I see the pooch on my stomach... I know it's there, just as well as he does.... How attractive can that be?? I know it wasn't there when we met.... SEE MEN!!!! See what you guys do?! You fall in love with us one way, start a family with us, and now we don't look the same as we did before.... I know we also have to give it time and not be so hard on ourselves.... I just don't want to become that t-shirt and warmups wearing mom, with no makeup, throwing my hair back in a ponytail, "just because that's the easiest." (No offense to any of those moms!!!) I just want to keep up myself as I'd hope he would want to for me....
You know, since jason and I knew we were expecting, he has always made it very clear that he wanted me to stay at home with the kiddos and raise them.... Of course, it all sounds nice and everything, but when you're used to working fulltime, and used to depending on yourself as your sole-provider, "staying at home" just doesn't FEEEEL as appealing as it so often sounds.... Or better yet, make a decision once your child is born. With taylor, I remember working when she was 8 weeks old.... I worked nights at Hoag and LOVED coming home to her! I missed her while I was away.... (And although I didn't always LOVE seeing her at 8 am when I wanted to sleep, I did miss her very much so while I was busy working.... (Side note: I financially provided for us, but had a GREAT amount of daycare assistance from my wonderful family) I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.... For sure!!!!
It's very different having both kiddos home while jason's at work from dawn to dusk.... (Okay so not really but from 5 am-ish until 6 pm-ish.... So almost!). I don't have my grandma in a "back house" anymore.... I don't have mom upstairs, or sisters closeby.... I have me. And mom and poppa around the corner (and they still help a tremendous deal), it's just a completely different experience, and as it should be!!!!
I'd go into a little more of our plans for our near future, but Jason isn't as "open" as I am, and I don't want to disrespect him in throwing every detail about us into the public.... Ooooo I bet you're wondering what I'm not telling now huh? haha. I'm teasing. We're a great team, and I'm learning how to become a better partner.... I'm selfish!!! I know that about me! But I've never really committed myself to someone. I could be loyal, just wasn't ever COMMITTED to someone you know?? I always felt like "this isn't gonna last." Maybe that's why I always thought I'd never get married.... I just didn't care enough about someone else and compromising and all that stuff you do when you're really, truly committed.... Giving up isn't an option for us.... We ALWAYS know we'll get through whatever is handed to us.... Because if we're handed it, we can.... That's right.... Handle it!!! =).
So tonight, I was driving home in my truck with the baby, while Jason drove home with T (we had met up after he got off from work, ate dinner, and were now headed home).... We were driving and I was re-capping my day (which I do often).... I was overwhelmed.... Completely.... Completely overwhelmed.... I kept looking at this long to-do list, while Lewie was screaming in the background allllll morning into afternoon.... I kept thinking about how I was going to accomplish any of those items on the list. I stopped and prayed (yeah, I know, some of you aren't religious, but it's what keeps me going....) My faith.... My faith in God is what keeps me going.... I prayed and asked Him to forgive me for expecting to accomplish everything on my time.... I smiled. Life isn't on my time, not now, not ever! I can plan out what I'd LIKE to do.... But who knows what comes up in between me wanting to get it done and me actually getting it done (besides my procrastination! Ha!)
Anyway, after praying I knew that I would get done just what I would get done for the day. Nothing more, nothing less.... And so I did! I got the most important things done with nearly no time left in between.... Yeah this is probably getting hard to follow now. Anyway, Lewie had a drs appt at 215. I had to get taylors school registration packet in by 4 (or so I thought), and I had an appt in LB at 6 pm.... A tad bit out of sequence, and with a little extra gas, the most important things got done. I can't complain.... Tomorrow brings another day and yet another attempt to knock some of those things off that list....
The light has been dimmed in our room for the entire time I have been typing this blog out on my phone, so my eyes are really starting to drag right now.... I guess the way little kids count sheep jumping over a fence to fall asleep, is equivalent to me typing out a blog....
I still have tons to say, but do I ever not???
On a much more random note, I found my 7th grade algebra teacher on facebook. He was an excellent teacher, and I still remember many valuable (and invaluable) lessons from his classes (I also took him for geometry in 8th grade, so that may be why I remember him so well) but anyway.... It's super nice to find someone from the past who remembers you too (or at least lies to you and makes you think they remember you, ha!) Totally kidding!
Okay, I have 2 snoring males next to me.... I guess it's time I join the snoozing and snooze too.... Don't think I'm done here.... I've got much more to say! (So what's new?) Ha!
Good night! (Or morning, whatever) =)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
when all else fails, jump off the pier.
i don't really know who is more helpless right now....
my 5 week old son, who cannot seem to find peace tonight....
or myself....
who sits at the edge of the bed, with my feet on the floor, toes curled, digging into the carpet.... my eyelashes are seemingly stuck together from the tears that filled my eyes just moments ago....
my ears are ringing with the memorization of his cry embedded in my eardrum....
right behind both of my eyes, it feels like someone is pushing with all of their heart and soul to push both eyeballs right out of my sockets (or in other words, i have quite a splitting headache....) in fact, it's so "splitting" that it "splits" right to the back of my head....
so again.... i tell you.... in all honesty....
i don't know which one of us, this 5 week old boy, or myself sits (or lies) more helpless at this very moment....
i'd probably jump in....
and if you really know me,
you'd know that 1. i'm deathly afraid of jumping into water (especially mother nature's water)
2. i've somehow managed to become deathly afraid of the ocean....
and 3. i'd never jump off the pier (especially at night)....
and i'm sure there's a lot more to this that just doesn't seem right....
yeah, but for whatever reason, it's another one of those nights.
nights and mornings are the worst for me.... mid-day though.... mid-day we are good.
it's the balance, for me.
balance is like a foreign language to me right now. (where's miss rosetta stone for this one??)
i felt like i was getting it down and then all of a sudden, nights like these happen.
tonight should be a night where everything is great....
and it was, up until it became time to go to sleep....
i have to keep my mouth shut right now, because i heard this phrase one time, and i think it went something like this, "if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say it at all...."
and my anger isn't directed at jason....
but he probably wouldn't hear anything extremely pleasant from me, except some sort of rant or venting session which would probably end up with me in tears....
and that's the last thing he needs, considering it IS 11 o clock and he has to be up in 5 hours....
when i can't do something that i REALLY want to do, or something that i THINK should be a lot easier than it is, it's frustrating as all heck....
i feel like i've failed at something that isn't even over yet... you know?
today is exactly 5 weeks since Little man was born....
he's 5 weeks old today and i feel like i should have this whole balance thing down....
but...... i don't....
i am no where even close....
a little girl just a few weeks shy of 7 years, and a 5 week old....
where's the balance?
i feel like i'm sitting on a teeter totter by myself....
or with someone of equal weight for about 2 seconds and then all of a sudden they jump off and BAM! i hit my butt on the ground, or in the sand or wherever i would hit it if someone jumped off....
i mean, it's crazy!!!!!!
someone else out there has to get this! someone SURELY has to understand!!!!!
right?
maybe not....
i am sure everyone's children are so different.
taylor's been the only child for almost 7 years, but with as advanced as she is, it's like she's been an only child for about 15 years....
she desperately needs an incredible amount of attention right now....
and i KNOW she needs it, and probably quite honestly deserves a whole lot of attention.... but it's attention, that i have a hard time finding right now.....
at times (usually when he's sleeping), the attention (and patience) come so easy....
but then tonight, (coincidentally it's the night we tell her that she needs to start getting on a "school" schedule and the tv needed to be shut off immediately following "princess" something rather, on the disney channel, which by the way, she's already seen a few different times), she gives a hard time. she tells me of these "noises" she hears in her bathroom.... (which is the sound of the AC).... she tells me how she has horrible dreams at nana's the night before, and what should she do if she has them here.... "Taylor just put your pajamas on and brush your teeth."
"but mom, i can't sleep."
i look over at jason and say, what do you think the 3rd complaint will be? my bet's on an upset stomach.....
and i kid you not.... within about 4 minutes of me saying that, in she walks....
"mom, my stomach hurts."
we've now tucked her in about 3 or 4 times....
SHE WANTS TO WATCH TV IN HER ROOM UNTIL THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT/Morning like she has been doing this summer.... sorry T!!! it's not gonna happen!!!! you've GOT to get onto your school schedule starting now.... she did NOT like this at all!
i get really soft, and want to not be "hard" on her, but when i look back at my childhood and think of how my parents were with me (separate households, and TOTALLY different parenting), they both had rules they were set on.... i can't ever remember being able to watch tv in my room until the wee hours of the morning.... (although in the summer, we'd watch it until pretty late in the living room) i remember it was a late night if we stayed up late enough to watch jerry springer, and that old fart came on at 11 pm... it felt like the middle of the night back then.... (still kinda does, HA!)
so when i let her stay up until 10 pm tonight and wouldn't let her watch TV in her room, and then felt kinda bad about it, i had to snap myself back into it and think "that's not entirely unrealistic or mean." and i don't think it is....
what i find the hardest time with, is the patience to say, "ohhh honey, that noise is _____" (whatever the noise is)..... and then 2 minutes later, "ooohhh honey, please brush your teeth like i asked you 10 minutes ago....." .... and then 2 more minutes go by.... "ohhhh honey, i'm sorry about your dream.... did you brush your teeth yet?" and then getting up out of bed 5 minutes later to get her medicine for her stomach and then asking her again if she's brushed her teeth yet.... and then by this point, you are so frustrated that you've asked her to brush her teeth 14 times, it now almost becomes a threat. GET IN THERE AND BRUSH OU TEETH or you won't watch TV at night at all anymore. (okay, so it was totally a threat).... haha. i'm totally kidding, i didn't say this to her tonight, because i wanted to think about what i was going to say and not just throw some unrealistic, ridiculous threat out there that i wouldn't fall through with.... i just asked her, "what do you need from either one of us right now taylor? it seems like you need something, but i just don't know what it is.... do you have any ideas?" she had none.... all i had, was to leave the hallway light on, with both of our bedroom doors open and see where that took us.... it seemed to work. she's asleep.....
jason's lying on the couch now with the baby..... (of course, and i wonder why the boy cries.... because he knows that if mommy doesn't pick him up, somebody will)
speaking of jason, today was the official day. we got the email from the district confirming him as their guy for this new jobsite.... all of my insides wanted to feel as excited as i did when taylor got a perfect report card, but jason probably wouldn't want me jumping up and down asking him if he wanted to celebrate at chuck e cheese's.... so instead, i kissed him and told him how proud of him i am.... very exciting.... his idea for us to go to a nice dinner, so we ended up at lucilles.... and of all the nights in the world that i could possibly have those "OUCH" cramps that give you the chills immediately after, it was tonight.... i sat there with not very much of an appetite.... i really am proud of him and all his hard work.... it is slowly looking like all his man hours he puts in, is finally getting him to the positions he's wanted to be at.... anyway.... good job baby.... i love you SO Much!!!!
so now, my eyes are slowly getting heavier than i can stand to keep open.... (they feel weighed down BIGTIME).... so i'm going to get my boys and head to bed.... hopefully..... if not, you'll catch me at the pier....
or in the water....
or on my knees.... praying.... but you can't pray for patience....
it'll all work out, i know.... sometimes, it's just REAAALLLLLLLLLY hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel.... tonight just so HAPPENED to be another one of those nights! sorry for the negative rambling....
good night!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
i can jiggle, i can juggle....
So monday.... Maybe not such an interesting day as it happens, but when you sit back and review your day at 2 o clock in the morning, it somehow seems to have been a waaaaay more interesting day than what it actually seemed to be at the time....
The mornings always seem to lag these days (and they kinda did before anyway,) but, they're super, extra, ultra long because they are based around my shark of a son and when he'll go off on one of his feeding frenzies....
Our day really got started closer to noon.... We headed over to moms, after enjoying some deliciously reheated cinnamon rolls from the night before's dessert.... (They really were tasty!!!) YUM! Got over to mom's house to print out the "pre-registration" form for T's school.... And being that I'm always on top of things, these are about the last 2 days to turn them in.... You can "email" the form, but it was a pdf file and once you typed on the form, none of the "changes" were saved, so when you'd go to email the form, you were emailing a blank form back, which really made no sense what-so-ever.... So I had to take down the address (which was in san juan capistrano), mapquest it on my lovely ultra fast (super slow) phone, and off to SJC we headed! You know, the whole time we were driving on the freeway, (with my seatbelt TIGHTLY fastened, to say the least), I couldn't help but to notice how much I was "jiggling...." It was funny b/c it's something I never really noticed before. Maybe I just didn't "jiggle" before. Anyway, paying attention to the "jiggling" got us there in what seemed to be about 2 minutes (but I think it was a little bit longer, being that crown valley to camino capistrano was at least 3 and a half miles. We get there, search for parking, get the stroller, get all loaded up and head into this office.... What are we looking at here? Ehhh, like 2 hrs, I'm guessing.... So we head in.... Wait behind these 2 kids, in this super quiet building.... I decided to take little man out of his stroller because 1. If he cried, it would probably scare everyone within the 3 mile radius (it was that quiet) and 2. Who knows how long we were going to be here.... So the kids are done, and we're up.... "Hi. I'd like to turn in this pre-registration form for my daughter please," I said to the lady at the front desk.... I think her name was "Linda Ross."
"What grade will she be going into," she asks.... "2nd grade," I answer. I hand her the paper. "Okay thank you," she says. I pause.... Surely there's more. I mean come on, ask me for my proof of residency, my utility bills, my whatever else you're gonna ask me for, I got it!!! She looks up at me rocking little shark man.... And smiles.... I smile back.... She asks "did you need anything else?". I ask, "that's it?" She said,"yep. That's it!" Wow! Okay! We are done!! Hahaha! I could have just been one of those moms you'd have seen on the news later that night, and left my 2 kiddos in the car to run that paper in myself, but we did it the right way.... =). Anyway.... We left. Picked up steven (jasons younger brother, for those of you just joining us) and headed to the mall for some school shopping for T (after a pit stop to good ol' taco bell).... We made it into the mall and to Old Navy (at the mission mall).... And that was enough for me for the day. Hahahhaha! Yeaaaaah! We spent about 75 bucks, 10 of which went towards a little outfit for the shark. It's super cute. "If you think I'm cool, wait til you see my dad" or something to that effect. Steven said we should get it, so we did. T got 2 pairs of "skinny jeans." And 6 tops. That's a good deal. The jeans were normally like 20 something a piece on sale for 10. Score!!!
We head home so I can start the chili.... YUM. Jasons staying late at work by the way.... He texted me earlier saying he'd leave LA sometime around 530 (usually he'd be out of there around 330).... It was his first day on this LA jobsite.... So I understood.... First day meeting all the bigshots and. Blah blah blah.... Gave the chili a little extra time to simmer.... Add a little more flavor.... Jason gets home at almost 7 (gotta love california freeways where the average speed on any given freeway is 30 mph, IF you're lucky).... He is clearly not in a lovely mood (I can imagine, a long day and now has to take his brother home and prepare for the meeting tomorrow, which is actually yesterday).... So he takes Steven home while I bathe our shark (who loves baths, but is screaming because he wants to eat).... Shame on me for ruining our little guy's schedule.... I woke him at 7 rather than letting him sleep until about 8....bad mama!!! So jason comes home and asks if the chili is ready. Said he hasn't eaten since sunday night. What the heck?! I guess he was so busy at work, and there was NOTHING in the surrounding area for him to eat unless he wanted a live chicken from across the street (that the guy would gladly snap the head off for you) or he could chow down on some of the rotting german shepard size rotting dog in a huge trash bag on their jobsite.... Yeah those were his 2 options yesterday.... Mind you, he is working in LA where there is a pit bull in every single yard.... Homeless people asking him for money, not food, but money.... There are gangsters on every porch (to go with the pitbulls).... There are no bathrooms, and no trailers or buildings on his site.... It's a flat dirt surface, with no shade, ready to be built on....
He scarfs down half a bowl of chili. Takes one swig of his diet coke, asks for a glass of milk. Drinks half a glass of milk, and passes out on the couch. I kid you not, I saw him for less than 10 minutes before he was asleep.... Oh and some of those very few words exchanged between us, were him asking me to "make him stop crying please." (He was referring to our little man who was screaming his little head off) while jason held his head (he had a horrible headache).... I knew this was bad.... Jason never acts like that and has never once asked me to "make him stop crying." He always picks him up and plays with him and tries to calm him down. Not this night.... So....
Jason's now passed out on the couch. Taylors whispering and following me around the house. I'm feeding Shark. Asia's outside whining (at the crazy barking dogs below her), which reminds me she needs her walk, Shark needs to be changed, Taylor wants her nails painted, Jason feels like crap and should really just go to bed.... IN OUR BED, not on the couch (where there's all the noise)....
Finally, Shark's changed and clean and fed.... And.... Now sleeping. Perfect. Now I can eat. I put him to bed, eat a bowl of chili (with some ritz crackers that I was craving) HORRIBLE combination by the way!!!! *gag*
Taylor's sitting next to me, watching every bite I take. (Mind you, she's already eaten dinner, but food happens to be quite an obsession of hers).... So jason wakes up (and I'd like to think it had NOTHING to do with my chewing of the ritz crackers or loud gulping of my ice water, but it very well may have been).... Through his "one eye squinting, one eye closed" look, he reaches for my leg, rubs it and lies back down.... I know this is him saying "sorry I feel like crap. Thank you for dinner." And even if that's not what it meant, I was pretending it did.... =). He asked for some ritz and then got up to shower.... Soooo.... As soon as I finished my bowl of chili con ritz, I.... Rinsed the bowls, soaked the dishes, put away enough stuff.... I started getting T ready for bed, took asia out, fed her, moved the ranger into the garage (slick 7000 point turn, by the way).... Which reminds me, that truck needs to get serviced! Came upstairs, and there's Jason.... Lying in bed...waving his hand, as if to say "come here!!" So I sat on the bed and he was noooot feeling well... He just wanted me to lay with him (after I got him some gatorade and water), but I couldn't stand to lie with him... He was buuurning up!!!! He knows how I fight fevers.... I did it to him before.... I get a decent size bowl or container or something with ice cold water and a few washclothes.... And soak him in them.... Keep rewetting them and wipe him down until he's cold.... He hates it initially, but oh well. No one's burning up or running a temp like that on my watch! =). It worked! After about an hour of soaking, 2 bottles of water and a big bottle of orange gatorade later, he was cooled down and coming back to life.... We talked a little and he was actually himself again. Nice! I then prepared myself for bed and realized 2 things for this lovely, hectic monday....
I can jiggle.
And I can juggle....
=)
The mornings always seem to lag these days (and they kinda did before anyway,) but, they're super, extra, ultra long because they are based around my shark of a son and when he'll go off on one of his feeding frenzies....
Our day really got started closer to noon.... We headed over to moms, after enjoying some deliciously reheated cinnamon rolls from the night before's dessert.... (They really were tasty!!!) YUM! Got over to mom's house to print out the "pre-registration" form for T's school.... And being that I'm always on top of things, these are about the last 2 days to turn them in.... You can "email" the form, but it was a pdf file and once you typed on the form, none of the "changes" were saved, so when you'd go to email the form, you were emailing a blank form back, which really made no sense what-so-ever.... So I had to take down the address (which was in san juan capistrano), mapquest it on my lovely ultra fast (super slow) phone, and off to SJC we headed! You know, the whole time we were driving on the freeway, (with my seatbelt TIGHTLY fastened, to say the least), I couldn't help but to notice how much I was "jiggling...." It was funny b/c it's something I never really noticed before. Maybe I just didn't "jiggle" before. Anyway, paying attention to the "jiggling" got us there in what seemed to be about 2 minutes (but I think it was a little bit longer, being that crown valley to camino capistrano was at least 3 and a half miles. We get there, search for parking, get the stroller, get all loaded up and head into this office.... What are we looking at here? Ehhh, like 2 hrs, I'm guessing.... So we head in.... Wait behind these 2 kids, in this super quiet building.... I decided to take little man out of his stroller because 1. If he cried, it would probably scare everyone within the 3 mile radius (it was that quiet) and 2. Who knows how long we were going to be here.... So the kids are done, and we're up.... "Hi. I'd like to turn in this pre-registration form for my daughter please," I said to the lady at the front desk.... I think her name was "Linda Ross."
"What grade will she be going into," she asks.... "2nd grade," I answer. I hand her the paper. "Okay thank you," she says. I pause.... Surely there's more. I mean come on, ask me for my proof of residency, my utility bills, my whatever else you're gonna ask me for, I got it!!! She looks up at me rocking little shark man.... And smiles.... I smile back.... She asks "did you need anything else?". I ask, "that's it?" She said,"yep. That's it!" Wow! Okay! We are done!! Hahaha! I could have just been one of those moms you'd have seen on the news later that night, and left my 2 kiddos in the car to run that paper in myself, but we did it the right way.... =). Anyway.... We left. Picked up steven (jasons younger brother, for those of you just joining us) and headed to the mall for some school shopping for T (after a pit stop to good ol' taco bell).... We made it into the mall and to Old Navy (at the mission mall).... And that was enough for me for the day. Hahahhaha! Yeaaaaah! We spent about 75 bucks, 10 of which went towards a little outfit for the shark. It's super cute. "If you think I'm cool, wait til you see my dad" or something to that effect. Steven said we should get it, so we did. T got 2 pairs of "skinny jeans." And 6 tops. That's a good deal. The jeans were normally like 20 something a piece on sale for 10. Score!!!
We head home so I can start the chili.... YUM. Jasons staying late at work by the way.... He texted me earlier saying he'd leave LA sometime around 530 (usually he'd be out of there around 330).... It was his first day on this LA jobsite.... So I understood.... First day meeting all the bigshots and. Blah blah blah.... Gave the chili a little extra time to simmer.... Add a little more flavor.... Jason gets home at almost 7 (gotta love california freeways where the average speed on any given freeway is 30 mph, IF you're lucky).... He is clearly not in a lovely mood (I can imagine, a long day and now has to take his brother home and prepare for the meeting tomorrow, which is actually yesterday).... So he takes Steven home while I bathe our shark (who loves baths, but is screaming because he wants to eat).... Shame on me for ruining our little guy's schedule.... I woke him at 7 rather than letting him sleep until about 8....bad mama!!! So jason comes home and asks if the chili is ready. Said he hasn't eaten since sunday night. What the heck?! I guess he was so busy at work, and there was NOTHING in the surrounding area for him to eat unless he wanted a live chicken from across the street (that the guy would gladly snap the head off for you) or he could chow down on some of the rotting german shepard size rotting dog in a huge trash bag on their jobsite.... Yeah those were his 2 options yesterday.... Mind you, he is working in LA where there is a pit bull in every single yard.... Homeless people asking him for money, not food, but money.... There are gangsters on every porch (to go with the pitbulls).... There are no bathrooms, and no trailers or buildings on his site.... It's a flat dirt surface, with no shade, ready to be built on....
He scarfs down half a bowl of chili. Takes one swig of his diet coke, asks for a glass of milk. Drinks half a glass of milk, and passes out on the couch. I kid you not, I saw him for less than 10 minutes before he was asleep.... Oh and some of those very few words exchanged between us, were him asking me to "make him stop crying please." (He was referring to our little man who was screaming his little head off) while jason held his head (he had a horrible headache).... I knew this was bad.... Jason never acts like that and has never once asked me to "make him stop crying." He always picks him up and plays with him and tries to calm him down. Not this night.... So....
Jason's now passed out on the couch. Taylors whispering and following me around the house. I'm feeding Shark. Asia's outside whining (at the crazy barking dogs below her), which reminds me she needs her walk, Shark needs to be changed, Taylor wants her nails painted, Jason feels like crap and should really just go to bed.... IN OUR BED, not on the couch (where there's all the noise)....
Finally, Shark's changed and clean and fed.... And.... Now sleeping. Perfect. Now I can eat. I put him to bed, eat a bowl of chili (with some ritz crackers that I was craving) HORRIBLE combination by the way!!!! *gag*
Taylor's sitting next to me, watching every bite I take. (Mind you, she's already eaten dinner, but food happens to be quite an obsession of hers).... So jason wakes up (and I'd like to think it had NOTHING to do with my chewing of the ritz crackers or loud gulping of my ice water, but it very well may have been).... Through his "one eye squinting, one eye closed" look, he reaches for my leg, rubs it and lies back down.... I know this is him saying "sorry I feel like crap. Thank you for dinner." And even if that's not what it meant, I was pretending it did.... =). He asked for some ritz and then got up to shower.... Soooo.... As soon as I finished my bowl of chili con ritz, I.... Rinsed the bowls, soaked the dishes, put away enough stuff.... I started getting T ready for bed, took asia out, fed her, moved the ranger into the garage (slick 7000 point turn, by the way).... Which reminds me, that truck needs to get serviced! Came upstairs, and there's Jason.... Lying in bed...waving his hand, as if to say "come here!!" So I sat on the bed and he was noooot feeling well... He just wanted me to lay with him (after I got him some gatorade and water), but I couldn't stand to lie with him... He was buuurning up!!!! He knows how I fight fevers.... I did it to him before.... I get a decent size bowl or container or something with ice cold water and a few washclothes.... And soak him in them.... Keep rewetting them and wipe him down until he's cold.... He hates it initially, but oh well. No one's burning up or running a temp like that on my watch! =). It worked! After about an hour of soaking, 2 bottles of water and a big bottle of orange gatorade later, he was cooled down and coming back to life.... We talked a little and he was actually himself again. Nice! I then prepared myself for bed and realized 2 things for this lovely, hectic monday....
I can jiggle.
And I can juggle....
=)
Saturday, August 15, 2009
surf and turd, i mean turf.....
So where do I begin with today?
Let me see. The day started with our final wake up around 910 am. Jason was very much in a "little man" mood, so he took over first thing this morning which was nice. Daddy and little man hangin for awhile, while mama got to shower and start to get ready. Our plans started as going over to my parents house (so jason could get one of his online courses nearly finished), and me and the kiddos would just hang out and visit mom and poopa (yes, poopa).... Jason wanted a start time of about 10.... But with all of our delays and necessary feedings and such, the earliest it looked like we'd be around the corner at moms would be 11 am.... Jason said he "didn't feel like doing the class anymore." But instead wanted us to do something as a family instead, since it's always work work work for him.... Earlier this week. I'd mentioned the obon (oh-bone) festival.... (Japanese festival that grammy has been wanting to go to) and it's this weekend in gardena.... We were going to go. Jason brought it up this morning, so I called and asked grammy if she wanted to go. Poor grammy, said she only needed 20 minutes to get ready, and she did.... But in that duration, I just did NOT get hooked on the idea of going allllllll the way out to gardena from here.... Mexico is closer! And besides that, taylor was having a sleepover at jason's parent's house tonight with Susan's (his step-mom's) niece, Hana. (Yes, that's the correct spelling).... She had to be over there by 5.... So it just didn't feel like we were going to have enough time, and to be quite honest, I kind of just wanted to be with my husband.... (After having thought about what I wanted to do for the day).... So after contemplating what to do, we just got into the truck and said "north or south?" And ended up heading south on the 5. We ended up in san clemente and at the beach (the pier).... We walked out onto the pier and watched the surfers for a while. It was nice.... Jason told T he would get out there one day and "show her how its done." I love when he gets a little cocky like that.... It doesn't happen very often, but I love it when it does.... He's a great surfer by the way.... I got up suuuper early and we went to the beach a few times and I'd sit and watch him surf (even though it would be cold as heck).... He's such a stud! =). Sorry. Mental picture of him surfing distracted me....
Anyway.... We walked around a bit.... Lots going on down there by the water.... But I was starting to hurt, so we couldn't stay, (or walk too far or) too long....
We went and got some lunch and made our way back home. we (well, me and the shark) took a nap and then headed over to the in-laws at around 5.
You know, before we headed over there. I had posted a comment on facebook saying "I wish I had made it over to the mall today. I wouldve gotten myself a shirt." Well, that must've been my psychic-ness coming through or something, because while we are over there, I'm holding my little guy, when all of a sudden, he BLASTS a big one!!!! (It sprayed out of his diaper and all over my hand and shirt).... Jason just looks at me and starts laughing and is begging me to "help mama." (Being that I passed him on to jason to clean).... Jason doesn't like or do the poopy diapers.... He says "baby steps mama." Haha! I don't mind. So I go and clean off my shirt thinking 2 things. 1. I'm glad I didn't have a full set of nails on.... The poop would have been all in them and probably wouldn't have come out completely.... Even if I washed the heck out of my hands.... And 2. I KNEW I should've gone to the mall to get a new shirt today.... Must go tomorrow, and from now on, carry extra clothes for mom (not just shark) in the diaper bag....
Speaking of diaper bag.... It's funny how a diaper bag suddenly becomes your new purse once you have kids.... Or a baby at least.... I find myself just putting my wallet into the diaper bag, and leaving the purse at home.... LAME! I saw a suuper cute diaper bag at the mall, but it was in someone's stroller so I really have no idea where to find one like that. And I'm not a "heeeeeey where'd you get that?" Kind of person (with the exception of summer's wrap and hooter hider, what can I say, she has great taste) =)
So anyway.... We end up getting panda express for dinner, checking out a few tattoo magazines (found a style I'd LOVE to be added to my arm) and just hung out at home.... Nothing better than being with my hubby!!!!
Little man somehow managed to stick pretty dead on with his "schedule" today and fell asleep around 1030 tonight (in my arms) without screaming his head off before doing so. He actually just ate, curled up on daddy for a while, then came into my arms and fell right to sleep after I rubbed him and rocked him for about 10 minutes.... Rubbing and rocking are much better than letting him scream for 10 minutes before picking him up and having him pass out on me because he's soo tired and exhausted....
Now the hubby's passed out next to me and I can't help but want to curl up on his chest and fall asleep too.... He's such a good daddy.... And an even more amazing partner!!!! I love you Jason....
T is over at the sleepover. They had mac n cheese for dinner and made smores in the backyard around the firepit.... How fun!
We'll see what tomorrow brings.... A new shirt maybe?? I hope so....
Good night. =)
Let me see. The day started with our final wake up around 910 am. Jason was very much in a "little man" mood, so he took over first thing this morning which was nice. Daddy and little man hangin for awhile, while mama got to shower and start to get ready. Our plans started as going over to my parents house (so jason could get one of his online courses nearly finished), and me and the kiddos would just hang out and visit mom and poopa (yes, poopa).... Jason wanted a start time of about 10.... But with all of our delays and necessary feedings and such, the earliest it looked like we'd be around the corner at moms would be 11 am.... Jason said he "didn't feel like doing the class anymore." But instead wanted us to do something as a family instead, since it's always work work work for him.... Earlier this week. I'd mentioned the obon (oh-bone) festival.... (Japanese festival that grammy has been wanting to go to) and it's this weekend in gardena.... We were going to go. Jason brought it up this morning, so I called and asked grammy if she wanted to go. Poor grammy, said she only needed 20 minutes to get ready, and she did.... But in that duration, I just did NOT get hooked on the idea of going allllllll the way out to gardena from here.... Mexico is closer! And besides that, taylor was having a sleepover at jason's parent's house tonight with Susan's (his step-mom's) niece, Hana. (Yes, that's the correct spelling).... She had to be over there by 5.... So it just didn't feel like we were going to have enough time, and to be quite honest, I kind of just wanted to be with my husband.... (After having thought about what I wanted to do for the day).... So after contemplating what to do, we just got into the truck and said "north or south?" And ended up heading south on the 5. We ended up in san clemente and at the beach (the pier).... We walked out onto the pier and watched the surfers for a while. It was nice.... Jason told T he would get out there one day and "show her how its done." I love when he gets a little cocky like that.... It doesn't happen very often, but I love it when it does.... He's a great surfer by the way.... I got up suuuper early and we went to the beach a few times and I'd sit and watch him surf (even though it would be cold as heck).... He's such a stud! =). Sorry. Mental picture of him surfing distracted me....
Anyway.... We walked around a bit.... Lots going on down there by the water.... But I was starting to hurt, so we couldn't stay, (or walk too far or) too long....
We went and got some lunch and made our way back home. we (well, me and the shark) took a nap and then headed over to the in-laws at around 5.
You know, before we headed over there. I had posted a comment on facebook saying "I wish I had made it over to the mall today. I wouldve gotten myself a shirt." Well, that must've been my psychic-ness coming through or something, because while we are over there, I'm holding my little guy, when all of a sudden, he BLASTS a big one!!!! (It sprayed out of his diaper and all over my hand and shirt).... Jason just looks at me and starts laughing and is begging me to "help mama." (Being that I passed him on to jason to clean).... Jason doesn't like or do the poopy diapers.... He says "baby steps mama." Haha! I don't mind. So I go and clean off my shirt thinking 2 things. 1. I'm glad I didn't have a full set of nails on.... The poop would have been all in them and probably wouldn't have come out completely.... Even if I washed the heck out of my hands.... And 2. I KNEW I should've gone to the mall to get a new shirt today.... Must go tomorrow, and from now on, carry extra clothes for mom (not just shark) in the diaper bag....
Speaking of diaper bag.... It's funny how a diaper bag suddenly becomes your new purse once you have kids.... Or a baby at least.... I find myself just putting my wallet into the diaper bag, and leaving the purse at home.... LAME! I saw a suuper cute diaper bag at the mall, but it was in someone's stroller so I really have no idea where to find one like that. And I'm not a "heeeeeey where'd you get that?" Kind of person (with the exception of summer's wrap and hooter hider, what can I say, she has great taste) =)
So anyway.... We end up getting panda express for dinner, checking out a few tattoo magazines (found a style I'd LOVE to be added to my arm) and just hung out at home.... Nothing better than being with my hubby!!!!
Little man somehow managed to stick pretty dead on with his "schedule" today and fell asleep around 1030 tonight (in my arms) without screaming his head off before doing so. He actually just ate, curled up on daddy for a while, then came into my arms and fell right to sleep after I rubbed him and rocked him for about 10 minutes.... Rubbing and rocking are much better than letting him scream for 10 minutes before picking him up and having him pass out on me because he's soo tired and exhausted....
Now the hubby's passed out next to me and I can't help but want to curl up on his chest and fall asleep too.... He's such a good daddy.... And an even more amazing partner!!!! I love you Jason....
T is over at the sleepover. They had mac n cheese for dinner and made smores in the backyard around the firepit.... How fun!
We'll see what tomorrow brings.... A new shirt maybe?? I hope so....
Good night. =)
Friday, August 14, 2009
nuts in my head....
Nuts in my head
Is how crazy I feel
Nobody knows
Which act is for real....
Not sure even you know,
What ache is such pain.
Just hoping attention,
Is something you'll gain.
It's hard to look forward
When all that's behind,
Is everything fresh,
And on everyone's mind.
You cannot act sweet,
With great expectations returned
You'd think after nearly 30 years,
You'd have learned....
The world still turns
Although not around you
I'm sorry that's something
You'll have to adjust to
Sitting in bed, with my heart on my mind,
I searched for some answers I'd hoped I would find....
The anger that once transformed into rage,
Is controlled like a bat, or a rat in a cage....
The anger just comes to surface in tears,
For living through you
For so many years....
Your acting and pouting and manipulative ways,
Have me resisting your words
Every one of my days....
I don't know what is true, or what's make believe,
But your pain and your heartache,
I cannot relieve....
Nor can he, or she, or we,
It's a void....
Through all of the relationships you have destroyed....
I cannot fix those,
Nor can anyone else.
But then you have to see that,
Before you have any help.
Nuts in my head
Is how crazy I feel.
Nobody knows
Which act is real.....
Is how crazy I feel
Nobody knows
Which act is for real....
Not sure even you know,
What ache is such pain.
Just hoping attention,
Is something you'll gain.
It's hard to look forward
When all that's behind,
Is everything fresh,
And on everyone's mind.
You cannot act sweet,
With great expectations returned
You'd think after nearly 30 years,
You'd have learned....
The world still turns
Although not around you
I'm sorry that's something
You'll have to adjust to
Sitting in bed, with my heart on my mind,
I searched for some answers I'd hoped I would find....
The anger that once transformed into rage,
Is controlled like a bat, or a rat in a cage....
The anger just comes to surface in tears,
For living through you
For so many years....
Your acting and pouting and manipulative ways,
Have me resisting your words
Every one of my days....
I don't know what is true, or what's make believe,
But your pain and your heartache,
I cannot relieve....
Nor can he, or she, or we,
It's a void....
Through all of the relationships you have destroyed....
I cannot fix those,
Nor can anyone else.
But then you have to see that,
Before you have any help.
Nuts in my head
Is how crazy I feel.
Nobody knows
Which act is real.....
Thursday, August 13, 2009
to you, sharpie writer....
This is a follow up to my crazy neighbor lady.... So since that letter was sent to us (which anyone who knows me, knows that I HATE doing something because someone threatens me or pushes me to do something) Jason and I have been suuuper careful with asia and having her outside.... We ONLY let her out on our patio at night to avoid the risk of her possibly barking at any freak of nature that might pass by.... Jason wants to handle things the right way and not stir up anything before we move (which by the way I don't know when will happen), while I, on the other hand, feel like putting asia on the patio and telling her to "get em!!!! BARK AWAY my crazy beast of a dog!" Haha!
Anyway.... The next day after that crazy woman of a neighbor left that nasty letter on our door, she posted 2 "anonymous" letters on the mailboxes for the rest of the neighbors to pretty much "rally together," because "us residents deserve better than inconsiderate dogs!" Oh this letter was very similar to the one left at our door.... Complete with a phone number about who to call to report the dogs to and all this. You know, if asia was really a pain in the butt, I'd admit it, I would. I would understand, but SHE'S NOT!!!! She is the sweetest thing who RARELY barks and if she does, it's for good reason! THAT'S WHAT DOGS DO!
Sorry! I keep getting distracted! So this letter has all types of typing and spelling errors.... (Which drives me nuts when someone is trying to sound like a know-it-all).... My instinct was to take the letters off and call the number to the homeowners association about our crazy neighbor who is sending out these harrassing letters to our doors and posting retarded letters on the mailboxes. Jason said to leave it alone.... (So I did.... But I don't ALWAYS listen) hee hee.... Okay but seriously.... today, one note was ripped off the mailboxes (and NO! I didn't rip it off) and then tonight, when I took asia out for her dump/walk ritual, I saw that someone had taken a black sharpie marker to the other one. They corrected all the incorrect spellings, and wrote at the top of the page "this letter is absolutely ridiculous!". Blacked out the telephone number and wrote "if you have a problem, why don't you be civil and talk to your neighbor about it instead of sending out threatening letters anonymously!". Whaaaaaattt?!?!?! You mean maybe I wasn't the only one to receive a threatening letter?! I LOVED that someone spoke up! I agreed that this letter was completely ridiculous, but kudos to whoever said something!!!! This is like a little mini soap opera. I feel like I want to set my video camera up facing the mailboxes to see who posts the next letter. Man, I have no life.... This is so incredibly lame all because I got boiling blood the other night from some psycho lady who leaves a mean anonymous letter at my door.... Whatever.... I'll keep you guys posted on this stupid lady saga if anything actually happens worth sharing.
Sharks back asleep now from his middle of the night feeding (which by the way, I'm STOOOKED he didn't stay up past his feeding.... Awesome!) So I'm going to take my half asleep self baaaack to sleep now after I drink a big glass of ice water to calm my turning stomach. It was probably all the extra grease from those amazing tasty burgers tonight.... YUM!!!! It was so worth it by the way....=)
To you, brave sharpie writer.... Thank you for saying what I was thinking, and for standing up to kathy bates. PSY-CHOOOOO!!!! Hahaha! Good night!
Anyway.... The next day after that crazy woman of a neighbor left that nasty letter on our door, she posted 2 "anonymous" letters on the mailboxes for the rest of the neighbors to pretty much "rally together," because "us residents deserve better than inconsiderate dogs!" Oh this letter was very similar to the one left at our door.... Complete with a phone number about who to call to report the dogs to and all this. You know, if asia was really a pain in the butt, I'd admit it, I would. I would understand, but SHE'S NOT!!!! She is the sweetest thing who RARELY barks and if she does, it's for good reason! THAT'S WHAT DOGS DO!
Sorry! I keep getting distracted! So this letter has all types of typing and spelling errors.... (Which drives me nuts when someone is trying to sound like a know-it-all).... My instinct was to take the letters off and call the number to the homeowners association about our crazy neighbor who is sending out these harrassing letters to our doors and posting retarded letters on the mailboxes. Jason said to leave it alone.... (So I did.... But I don't ALWAYS listen) hee hee.... Okay but seriously.... today, one note was ripped off the mailboxes (and NO! I didn't rip it off) and then tonight, when I took asia out for her dump/walk ritual, I saw that someone had taken a black sharpie marker to the other one. They corrected all the incorrect spellings, and wrote at the top of the page "this letter is absolutely ridiculous!". Blacked out the telephone number and wrote "if you have a problem, why don't you be civil and talk to your neighbor about it instead of sending out threatening letters anonymously!". Whaaaaaattt?!?!?! You mean maybe I wasn't the only one to receive a threatening letter?! I LOVED that someone spoke up! I agreed that this letter was completely ridiculous, but kudos to whoever said something!!!! This is like a little mini soap opera. I feel like I want to set my video camera up facing the mailboxes to see who posts the next letter. Man, I have no life.... This is so incredibly lame all because I got boiling blood the other night from some psycho lady who leaves a mean anonymous letter at my door.... Whatever.... I'll keep you guys posted on this stupid lady saga if anything actually happens worth sharing.
Sharks back asleep now from his middle of the night feeding (which by the way, I'm STOOOKED he didn't stay up past his feeding.... Awesome!) So I'm going to take my half asleep self baaaack to sleep now after I drink a big glass of ice water to calm my turning stomach. It was probably all the extra grease from those amazing tasty burgers tonight.... YUM!!!! It was so worth it by the way....=)
To you, brave sharpie writer.... Thank you for saying what I was thinking, and for standing up to kathy bates. PSY-CHOOOOO!!!! Hahaha! Good night!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
and to you, crazy lady....
So today is the continuation of a not so great night... If there was a toilet big enough to fit me in it, I would probably cover my face in a snorkle mask and hide out for the day....
I don't know what happened.... I didn't get anything "accomplished" yesterday, but filling my belly and spending 35 bucks to do so.... But it was a nice lunch. My only problem now, is that I didn't get anything done on my "to-do" list....
Last night was just.... BLAH! Jason had a super sensitive headache (which I felt horrible for) I know how awful those things are! And even worse because he doesn't like to take medicine so he basically just sat it out.... And went to sleep early.... Which left me with the two kiddos and myself to look after.... Which doesn't seem like it would be too much, but with a 3 wk old and a 6 year old, it kind of was. Taylor was needing extra attention last night, and I was actually okay to give it to her.... But I had a whiny fussing baby in my arms.... I fed him (about 4 times) and put him in his carrier and carried him out of our bedroom (so jason could, hopefully, get some sleep and get rid of his killer headache).... Went to taylors room to tuck her in (which she was sooo disappointed that this was the first time he was here and didn't tuck her in).... But momma tucked her in.... While little shark was fussin for me again.... Wanted to eat or be held to sleep.... But I still had to get ready for bed and go potty (after 8 glasses of water).... The dog still needed to be taken out and fed.... So out with asia (the dog) we went.... Little man and I.... Only to find a nice, sweet (horribly rude, inconsiderate and THREATENING) letter about our sweet asia on our front door mat (which just so happens to be the coolest doormat around).... This letter was "anonymous" but not very anonymous, when we just had a lady come to our door the other night at 1030 pm asking if anyone lived here because she thought our dog was stranded on the patio with no tenants.... Yes we live here and are here, in fact, every single day.... And I take her out for walks, every single day.... This old (crazy) lady is indeed crazy!!!! Not just saying that because she came over the other night at 1030 at night, ringing the doorbell like she was being chased and about to be killed, but because she happens to be the same lady that was yelling, I mean SCREAMING and cursing at one of the other neighbors at 4 or 5 something in the morning about a month or 2 ago.... And then this letter.... THIS letter is what had my blood boiling last night.... I mean, I was so upset, my head felt fuzzy... It was like I couldn't even see straight.... Come knock on my door... And not at 1030 at night, but knock on my door and act like there's an issue, not like ur concerned.... Act as tough as you did in that letter, not all sweet and innocent, you know? Not saying I would have done anything crazy, but the issue would have probably been addressed a little bit differently than as politely as it was.... (Maybe Jason standing there in his underwear lightened the situation.... It probably would have lightened it for me, had I been the old crazy lady standing outside the door of a studly man in his underwear....). ;)
Yeah so anyway.... I was awake for about an hour and a half after shark went to sleep, thinking about that letter and how I couldn't let it offend me.... And alas, I fell asleep....
Then I wake up this morning to my dear sweet taylor wanting mucho attention and to know when we were going to go to the craft store to purchase some very much needed elastic, so that she could continue her new obsession.... Beading!!!! I couldn't even see straight at 8 am, being that I had been back to sleep for about 2 hrs or so. It's okay though.... She is only 6! (I kept telling myself that).... I told her we would get it today.... She need not worry. =). Little man eats and then falls back asleep. I jump in the shower, only to come out and find him squirming restlessly and whimpering.... Standing in my bra and drawstring pants (with a towel on my head) I picked him up, feeling rather soft at the moment.... *PUKE* all down the front of me.... And all over my fresh clean black pants.... He looks like he feels much better. His whimpering stops and now he's just bright eyed and wants to hang.... Awesome.... (With the exception of the warm wet puke I just sat in on my bed too.... Yep. His puke managed to land on the sheets on my side of the bed! Like I said, awesome!). Ha!
Soooo.... I don't think I mentioned that our bathroom outlets stopped working about a week ago or so.... There is no reset button on the outlets, so I figured maybe it was a breaker? (However, the breaker box is in the garage and covered by about 8 big heavy boxes.... Not very easily accessible) Both bathroom's outlets were not working.... Anyway.... I took a fan down to the garage and plugged it in, and turned it on.... Nothing.... After looking at this outlet, it HAD a reset button. I pushed the reset button, and turned on the fan again.... This time, IT WORKED!!!! At the exact same time the fan turned on, I got this brilliant idea that "hey! Maybe the bathroom outlets were somehow tied to this outlet!". So upstairs I went and plugged in our sonicare toothbrush charger, put the toothbrush on the charger and voila!!! The green light began flashing.... It was charging!!!! Woo hoo!!!! I should become an electrician! Okay, so maybe not, but at least I fixed something that has been incredibly annoying! (I.e. Blowdrying my hair in the living room.)
I thought about typing out the entire RUDE letter but decided against it. In fact, I don't even want to re-open the letter and re-read it.... I know how upset it made me last night, and I really don't feel like getting that upset again, which drew me to another epiphany/conclusion today.... The many years of therapy I've had, have actually helped me!!! Haha! I used to read and re-read stuff like that.... Or in the relationship aspect of it, I'd intentionally look for stuff to be mad about.... Stupid text messages and stuff like that.... Now I try to steer clear of all that "make me mad" stuff.... Probably because there is none in this relationship, and so the closest thing I can compare it to is this rude mean letter from an old crazy lady about my "beast of a dog!"
Okay, yeah. Sometimes my mind goes to "this place" where only I fully understand what I'm talking about.... Now is probably one of those times....
To my old, crazy neighbor, I wish I had the courage to smear dog poop all over your car (or your face), because I would. I would show you what a beast of a dog my dear sweet asia is, (or what kind of beasts she can release)....
To my precious taylor, we will get your elastic.... But life isn't always on your schedule... And right now.... It's really not on mine either. It's frustrating, I know.
To shane, (one of jason's younger brothers) congrats on passing ur drivers test and getting your license.
To Jason, the greatest hub in the world, thanks for the pep talk this morning! You are the greatest!!!! And even though you get bossy sometimes and think u can tell me what to do (and even though I don't listen) I love you with all of my heart and soul! You are the best! Now I hope ur headaches gone, cuz I'm not doing all job duties every night! ;) I'm kidding, my love. I love you!!!! (I wish you could see our son right now. His neck is leaning back and his mouth is wide open with his arms to the side of his head.) It's great! =)
And to myself.... Get off the computer and go accomplish something else today....
I don't know what happened.... I didn't get anything "accomplished" yesterday, but filling my belly and spending 35 bucks to do so.... But it was a nice lunch. My only problem now, is that I didn't get anything done on my "to-do" list....
Last night was just.... BLAH! Jason had a super sensitive headache (which I felt horrible for) I know how awful those things are! And even worse because he doesn't like to take medicine so he basically just sat it out.... And went to sleep early.... Which left me with the two kiddos and myself to look after.... Which doesn't seem like it would be too much, but with a 3 wk old and a 6 year old, it kind of was. Taylor was needing extra attention last night, and I was actually okay to give it to her.... But I had a whiny fussing baby in my arms.... I fed him (about 4 times) and put him in his carrier and carried him out of our bedroom (so jason could, hopefully, get some sleep and get rid of his killer headache).... Went to taylors room to tuck her in (which she was sooo disappointed that this was the first time he was here and didn't tuck her in).... But momma tucked her in.... While little shark was fussin for me again.... Wanted to eat or be held to sleep.... But I still had to get ready for bed and go potty (after 8 glasses of water).... The dog still needed to be taken out and fed.... So out with asia (the dog) we went.... Little man and I.... Only to find a nice, sweet (horribly rude, inconsiderate and THREATENING) letter about our sweet asia on our front door mat (which just so happens to be the coolest doormat around).... This letter was "anonymous" but not very anonymous, when we just had a lady come to our door the other night at 1030 pm asking if anyone lived here because she thought our dog was stranded on the patio with no tenants.... Yes we live here and are here, in fact, every single day.... And I take her out for walks, every single day.... This old (crazy) lady is indeed crazy!!!! Not just saying that because she came over the other night at 1030 at night, ringing the doorbell like she was being chased and about to be killed, but because she happens to be the same lady that was yelling, I mean SCREAMING and cursing at one of the other neighbors at 4 or 5 something in the morning about a month or 2 ago.... And then this letter.... THIS letter is what had my blood boiling last night.... I mean, I was so upset, my head felt fuzzy... It was like I couldn't even see straight.... Come knock on my door... And not at 1030 at night, but knock on my door and act like there's an issue, not like ur concerned.... Act as tough as you did in that letter, not all sweet and innocent, you know? Not saying I would have done anything crazy, but the issue would have probably been addressed a little bit differently than as politely as it was.... (Maybe Jason standing there in his underwear lightened the situation.... It probably would have lightened it for me, had I been the old crazy lady standing outside the door of a studly man in his underwear....). ;)
Yeah so anyway.... I was awake for about an hour and a half after shark went to sleep, thinking about that letter and how I couldn't let it offend me.... And alas, I fell asleep....
Then I wake up this morning to my dear sweet taylor wanting mucho attention and to know when we were going to go to the craft store to purchase some very much needed elastic, so that she could continue her new obsession.... Beading!!!! I couldn't even see straight at 8 am, being that I had been back to sleep for about 2 hrs or so. It's okay though.... She is only 6! (I kept telling myself that).... I told her we would get it today.... She need not worry. =). Little man eats and then falls back asleep. I jump in the shower, only to come out and find him squirming restlessly and whimpering.... Standing in my bra and drawstring pants (with a towel on my head) I picked him up, feeling rather soft at the moment.... *PUKE* all down the front of me.... And all over my fresh clean black pants.... He looks like he feels much better. His whimpering stops and now he's just bright eyed and wants to hang.... Awesome.... (With the exception of the warm wet puke I just sat in on my bed too.... Yep. His puke managed to land on the sheets on my side of the bed! Like I said, awesome!). Ha!
Soooo.... I don't think I mentioned that our bathroom outlets stopped working about a week ago or so.... There is no reset button on the outlets, so I figured maybe it was a breaker? (However, the breaker box is in the garage and covered by about 8 big heavy boxes.... Not very easily accessible) Both bathroom's outlets were not working.... Anyway.... I took a fan down to the garage and plugged it in, and turned it on.... Nothing.... After looking at this outlet, it HAD a reset button. I pushed the reset button, and turned on the fan again.... This time, IT WORKED!!!! At the exact same time the fan turned on, I got this brilliant idea that "hey! Maybe the bathroom outlets were somehow tied to this outlet!". So upstairs I went and plugged in our sonicare toothbrush charger, put the toothbrush on the charger and voila!!! The green light began flashing.... It was charging!!!! Woo hoo!!!! I should become an electrician! Okay, so maybe not, but at least I fixed something that has been incredibly annoying! (I.e. Blowdrying my hair in the living room.)
I thought about typing out the entire RUDE letter but decided against it. In fact, I don't even want to re-open the letter and re-read it.... I know how upset it made me last night, and I really don't feel like getting that upset again, which drew me to another epiphany/conclusion today.... The many years of therapy I've had, have actually helped me!!! Haha! I used to read and re-read stuff like that.... Or in the relationship aspect of it, I'd intentionally look for stuff to be mad about.... Stupid text messages and stuff like that.... Now I try to steer clear of all that "make me mad" stuff.... Probably because there is none in this relationship, and so the closest thing I can compare it to is this rude mean letter from an old crazy lady about my "beast of a dog!"
Okay, yeah. Sometimes my mind goes to "this place" where only I fully understand what I'm talking about.... Now is probably one of those times....
To my old, crazy neighbor, I wish I had the courage to smear dog poop all over your car (or your face), because I would. I would show you what a beast of a dog my dear sweet asia is, (or what kind of beasts she can release)....
To my precious taylor, we will get your elastic.... But life isn't always on your schedule... And right now.... It's really not on mine either. It's frustrating, I know.
To shane, (one of jason's younger brothers) congrats on passing ur drivers test and getting your license.
To Jason, the greatest hub in the world, thanks for the pep talk this morning! You are the greatest!!!! And even though you get bossy sometimes and think u can tell me what to do (and even though I don't listen) I love you with all of my heart and soul! You are the best! Now I hope ur headaches gone, cuz I'm not doing all job duties every night! ;) I'm kidding, my love. I love you!!!! (I wish you could see our son right now. His neck is leaning back and his mouth is wide open with his arms to the side of his head.) It's great! =)
And to myself.... Get off the computer and go accomplish something else today....
Sunday, August 9, 2009
making the cut....
So here is 17 days post surgery.... yes, i still look pregnant.... and i was a little hesitant to post these pictures, but hey! it's a journey to getting back into shape.... notice the nice bruise on my hip area.... that was a nice WHAM! into someone's side mirror when taking little man to his 2 week check up.... luckily, my koi's face didn't stretch!!!! ;)
and here is the CUT! ick! but it's low enough that hopefully it doesn't show when i'm in a bathing suit (hopefully i'm in a bathing suit next summer).... and jason is sitting here reading this as i type and says "if it doesn't bother your husband, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?" ha! love my hubby!!!!
it's true how much your body "remembers" being pregnant, and just stretches the 2nd time.... you show much sooner, and, for me, i got much bigger than the first time!!! I WISH I took a picture of my bare tummy right before surgery! SO stupid of me! but anyway.... this is 3 days after those small pieces of tape were torn off, and it appears to be healing nicely.... too bad, it heals from the outside in.... so as "okay" as it may appear from the outside, it doesn't feel as nice on the inside....
will take some more pictures soon.... although, i'm not entirely sure how much progress will be made anytime soon.... this may end up backfiring and i might end up getting discouraged with how much weight i'm NOT losing....
until next time.... =)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
don't cry over spilt milk....
Or leaked milk or whatever.... It's all the same....
I've got to say, that I'm burnt! I LOVE it, but I'm absolutely burnt!!!! I'm sure Jason is too, but probably on an entirely different level.... We haven't talked much about it (which isn't really like us.... We usually talk about everything.... Almost)....
Anyway.... I'm tired!!! We signed up for this! We did! I know we did!!!! I don't think anyone gets it.... Especially men.... That when you sign up for a baby, all the stuff that goes into it.... That is not meant to put down the men by any means.... Jason does do a lot for me... And stays up with me when I have a melt down cuz our little man won't go back to sleep after being awake for 3 hrs in the middle of the night.. But from the very start of carrying a baby.... And the hormones, and the emotions, and the weight gain, and the body changes, and the pain, and the added stress, to the labor and birthing of the child... To the ugly body after the baby.... To the breastfeeding attempts, failures and attempts again.... And all the pain in between learning how to do this.... And do it right.... I wasn't entirely keen on the idea of breastfeeding. I mean, I didn't with Taylor, and she was just fine.... So I didn't really have high hopes about breastfeeding our little guy.... MAN, does the hospital EVER push breastfeeding on you.... Besides that, little man took to it riiight after he was born.... So I have kinda been stuck with it.... I do really enjoy the "bonding" that people talk about.... Although the whole idea of your son chowing down on ur boob may not be the most appealing idea, (or the aftermath of those poor things).... The simplicity of not even getting out of bed to feed him is fantastic.... Or not having to rush to the store for more formula is almost as great.... Not to mention all the money you save.... (Well, excluding the money that will need to be spent on a reconstructive breast surgery at a later time, ha!) Thanks for that one tuety!! You can always get a chuckle out of me.... But seriously.... How long do you breastfeed before those things are no longer "those things" they were before?? How long til they lose their life? That's a serious question. Cuz I have nooo idea!!!
Today was an emotional day, and it very well may have been because he wouldn't go back to sleep once he woke up at 425 this morning and stayed up until ohhhh about EIGHT AM!!!! I was just burnt!!!! I was okay with him, just super tired.... Didn't melt down until about 1130 am when we should have been in Long beach, enjoying a nice lunch w daddy, but were still at home because he woke up and was tired again.... It's not like you can detach ur boob and feed the little fella while ur driving.... soooo.... I sat there feeding him, with great hopes we could still make it in time for lunch w daddy.... No such luck.... Daddy was on his way home.... So we waited until he came home and we all went to eat together.... (By the way, we did something that made me realllly uncomfortable) jason parked in the 15 minute only parking to save me from having to walk very far.... I wanted him to move the car, but he said we had a seat inside the restaurant that we'd be staring at the truck the whole time and if he needed to go move it, he would.... I can NEVER bring myself to do that.... I always get too scared that my luck, I'd get a ticket, or something.....
So that was our dare devilish thing for today.... After lunch, we went to Target for a few miscellaneous items we needed, including another pack of newborn diapers, jasons deodorant, taylors body wash and toothpaste and a MUST HAVE "twist" magazine for T.... I'd never heard of it until today, but the Jonas brothers, miley cyrus. Demi lovato, miranda cosgrove.... Yeah this magazine had all the hot up-to-date info on all these way cool people.... ;). This was a must have for T.... Kept her busy for about 30 minutes total, until she finished reading it.... That comes out to about 13 cents a minute of pure entertainment!!! =).
So I've just finished feeding my little shark for ohhhh say the 6th time today (maybe more).... He has a super big milk mustache (which I absolutely love, by the way).... And is passed out on me again.... The hubby's sleeping (still) and has been for a few hrs now.... Taylor's just showered up, and I just finished folding another load of laundry (that I totally didn't fold last night).... I'm going to wash our bedsheets (since little man decided to spray while I changed him earlier (on the bed, bad idea).... Here's to hoping mom feels better soon, so we can go visit them tonight.... It's been a week since we've been over there.... I'm getting way tired.... Should probably nap now that the little guys knocked out.... To a night full of more z's than last....
Good day! =)
I've got to say, that I'm burnt! I LOVE it, but I'm absolutely burnt!!!! I'm sure Jason is too, but probably on an entirely different level.... We haven't talked much about it (which isn't really like us.... We usually talk about everything.... Almost)....
Anyway.... I'm tired!!! We signed up for this! We did! I know we did!!!! I don't think anyone gets it.... Especially men.... That when you sign up for a baby, all the stuff that goes into it.... That is not meant to put down the men by any means.... Jason does do a lot for me... And stays up with me when I have a melt down cuz our little man won't go back to sleep after being awake for 3 hrs in the middle of the night.. But from the very start of carrying a baby.... And the hormones, and the emotions, and the weight gain, and the body changes, and the pain, and the added stress, to the labor and birthing of the child... To the ugly body after the baby.... To the breastfeeding attempts, failures and attempts again.... And all the pain in between learning how to do this.... And do it right.... I wasn't entirely keen on the idea of breastfeeding. I mean, I didn't with Taylor, and she was just fine.... So I didn't really have high hopes about breastfeeding our little guy.... MAN, does the hospital EVER push breastfeeding on you.... Besides that, little man took to it riiight after he was born.... So I have kinda been stuck with it.... I do really enjoy the "bonding" that people talk about.... Although the whole idea of your son chowing down on ur boob may not be the most appealing idea, (or the aftermath of those poor things).... The simplicity of not even getting out of bed to feed him is fantastic.... Or not having to rush to the store for more formula is almost as great.... Not to mention all the money you save.... (Well, excluding the money that will need to be spent on a reconstructive breast surgery at a later time, ha!) Thanks for that one tuety!! You can always get a chuckle out of me.... But seriously.... How long do you breastfeed before those things are no longer "those things" they were before?? How long til they lose their life? That's a serious question. Cuz I have nooo idea!!!
Today was an emotional day, and it very well may have been because he wouldn't go back to sleep once he woke up at 425 this morning and stayed up until ohhhh about EIGHT AM!!!! I was just burnt!!!! I was okay with him, just super tired.... Didn't melt down until about 1130 am when we should have been in Long beach, enjoying a nice lunch w daddy, but were still at home because he woke up and was tired again.... It's not like you can detach ur boob and feed the little fella while ur driving.... soooo.... I sat there feeding him, with great hopes we could still make it in time for lunch w daddy.... No such luck.... Daddy was on his way home.... So we waited until he came home and we all went to eat together.... (By the way, we did something that made me realllly uncomfortable) jason parked in the 15 minute only parking to save me from having to walk very far.... I wanted him to move the car, but he said we had a seat inside the restaurant that we'd be staring at the truck the whole time and if he needed to go move it, he would.... I can NEVER bring myself to do that.... I always get too scared that my luck, I'd get a ticket, or something.....
So that was our dare devilish thing for today.... After lunch, we went to Target for a few miscellaneous items we needed, including another pack of newborn diapers, jasons deodorant, taylors body wash and toothpaste and a MUST HAVE "twist" magazine for T.... I'd never heard of it until today, but the Jonas brothers, miley cyrus. Demi lovato, miranda cosgrove.... Yeah this magazine had all the hot up-to-date info on all these way cool people.... ;). This was a must have for T.... Kept her busy for about 30 minutes total, until she finished reading it.... That comes out to about 13 cents a minute of pure entertainment!!! =).
So I've just finished feeding my little shark for ohhhh say the 6th time today (maybe more).... He has a super big milk mustache (which I absolutely love, by the way).... And is passed out on me again.... The hubby's sleeping (still) and has been for a few hrs now.... Taylor's just showered up, and I just finished folding another load of laundry (that I totally didn't fold last night).... I'm going to wash our bedsheets (since little man decided to spray while I changed him earlier (on the bed, bad idea).... Here's to hoping mom feels better soon, so we can go visit them tonight.... It's been a week since we've been over there.... I'm getting way tired.... Should probably nap now that the little guys knocked out.... To a night full of more z's than last....
Good day! =)
Monday, August 3, 2009
some inches of cut.... or cut some inches....
So I have been thinking about this for a few days now.... It might sound kinda weird.... But with my csection, I have a pretty funky incision right about at the top of my bikini line....
I haven't really started any attempts to lose any kind of weight or tone whatever I have, because, as of yet, I am still learning how to walk again.... And most of the time it's good but at least once a day, I get my butt kicked with some HORRIFIC pain at the incision. It hurts so bad, I could almost throw up.... Or it feels like my uterus is going to burst through the cut and come spilling out onto the floor at my feet.... Yeah. Its gross.... So imagine how it feels.... My stomach is still tender to touch because of the cut muscles or organs or whatever else they cut and repaired in there.... But all of it hurts soo freakin bad at times.... HOWEVER, the bone pain is getting significantly better!!!! Yay for that! Soooo happy!!!! A little (okay, a LOT) of incision pain, once or twice a day is much better (well, maybe) than the constant pelvic separation pain that nearly crippled me from about 3 months into my pregnancy.... So here I am.... At the 2 weeks (exactly) from my c-section.... Its at the point where you are just looking chunky (especially when you don't have baby with you) because you're no longer pregnant.... And you aren't always carrying baby.... So people are probably looking at me like "why the heck is she walking like she has a freakin corkscrew up her butt?" Yeah! Hiiiii!! That's me!!! Corkscrew butt!!!!
Anyway.... Here's my dilemma.... Or my question.... Or my idea.... Whatever you wanna call it.... I was thinking of taking pictures, starting now.... Of my tummy (and the cut.... Ewwwwww) and slowly tracking the progress to healing.... And losing the weight.... Cutting those inches.... It may very well gross some people out.... But I bet there is at least one person out there who is curious as to what the scar looks like.... I should have taken a picture with the staples and crap still in it.... And then I should have taken a picture when she was taking my stitches out (right before lunch).... And then she taped up the scar.... And you have to leave this freakin tape on until it "naturally falls off...." Yeah. Well it's been a week and 3 days since we've been home from the hospital and after showering every single day, that tape still hasn't come off.... Grooosssss!!!! So yeah.... Gimme a little feedback.... Would you at all be interested in going on a journey with me.... A "trim the waist and heal the baby exit wound" journey???? I think it'll keep me motivated to "work it out" or off or whatever....
You in?!
I haven't really started any attempts to lose any kind of weight or tone whatever I have, because, as of yet, I am still learning how to walk again.... And most of the time it's good but at least once a day, I get my butt kicked with some HORRIFIC pain at the incision. It hurts so bad, I could almost throw up.... Or it feels like my uterus is going to burst through the cut and come spilling out onto the floor at my feet.... Yeah. Its gross.... So imagine how it feels.... My stomach is still tender to touch because of the cut muscles or organs or whatever else they cut and repaired in there.... But all of it hurts soo freakin bad at times.... HOWEVER, the bone pain is getting significantly better!!!! Yay for that! Soooo happy!!!! A little (okay, a LOT) of incision pain, once or twice a day is much better (well, maybe) than the constant pelvic separation pain that nearly crippled me from about 3 months into my pregnancy.... So here I am.... At the 2 weeks (exactly) from my c-section.... Its at the point where you are just looking chunky (especially when you don't have baby with you) because you're no longer pregnant.... And you aren't always carrying baby.... So people are probably looking at me like "why the heck is she walking like she has a freakin corkscrew up her butt?" Yeah! Hiiiii!! That's me!!! Corkscrew butt!!!!
Anyway.... Here's my dilemma.... Or my question.... Or my idea.... Whatever you wanna call it.... I was thinking of taking pictures, starting now.... Of my tummy (and the cut.... Ewwwwww) and slowly tracking the progress to healing.... And losing the weight.... Cutting those inches.... It may very well gross some people out.... But I bet there is at least one person out there who is curious as to what the scar looks like.... I should have taken a picture with the staples and crap still in it.... And then I should have taken a picture when she was taking my stitches out (right before lunch).... And then she taped up the scar.... And you have to leave this freakin tape on until it "naturally falls off...." Yeah. Well it's been a week and 3 days since we've been home from the hospital and after showering every single day, that tape still hasn't come off.... Grooosssss!!!! So yeah.... Gimme a little feedback.... Would you at all be interested in going on a journey with me.... A "trim the waist and heal the baby exit wound" journey???? I think it'll keep me motivated to "work it out" or off or whatever....
You in?!
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