deja vu.

so today..... what a day....

april 15th.

a big day.

tax day.

moving day. (well jason and dustin are moving)

tuety might help.

poppa's going back in for his 2nd surgery to remove the other side of his thyroid. (surgery at 4 pm)

results came back a bit sooner than the 3 days, and it was cancer.

papillary thyroid cancer.

they feel pretty good about it, and he probably won't even need chemo.

just pills everyday for the rest of his life.

=( poor poppa!

cable's getting set up today at the new place.

we hope to be completely moved out by today.

hopefully.

we'll see.

melissa goes in for bloodwork and another ultrasound....

praying that all goes well for them.

her's is at 330.

and then jason and i go to our ultrasound. 

our super long ultrasound.

hopefully little peanuthead is still enough for them to get all the measurements they need from him!

he doesn't usually sit still in the ultrasounds.

our's is at 345pm.

we'll all be in some kind of medical building at the 4 o'clock hour.

ick!

i am praying that allllll goes well for everyone....

i really am....

what a day.

a chaotic day.

a part of me just can't wait for it to all be over, while the other part of me is trying to stay positive and enjoy these moments and not wish them away....

i hope all works out..... hopefully i'll be back later, if not, it might be a while.....

good day.

Poppa's update.

Poppa's doing okay today.

he got up and was sitting in his chair, doing a crossword puzzle....

very good for him.

i am hoping and praying for the best news ever....

i hope it's benign and no cancer!!!!

i HATE cancer.

very few things in life i hate, but cancer is definitely one of them....

he said the incision was stinging quite a bit, but that other than that, there wasn't much pain....

let's hope it stays that way.

i'll be back later today.... for sure.

update.

So Poppa's surgery lasted the full 2 hours this morning.

they didn't know if it was cancer or not, so they just removed the right side and closed him up.

the pathology results should be back within about 3 days or so....

if it is determined (at that time) that it is cancer, then they will go RIGHT back in and remove the left side also.

He thought he was going to be super bored today in the hospital, but he's not.

he's sleeping and (snoring) and well.... doing what he should be doing.... resting.

i'm going to pick up grammy and taylor and take them over to the hospital to see him for a bit.

jason doesn't want to go, which i understand.

he doesn't like hospitals and that's okay....

i really don't blame him for that....

we'll see....

i'll return with more info on poppa later this evening.

MY GOODNESS!

I love my husband!

it's amazing what REAL love does to you!

i can say it til i'm blue in the face, and until you know the feeling, you just won't get it....

i miss him in mass amounts today... just as in every day, but extra today....

i love his cuddles and kisses and just want more of those today.... 

can't wait til he comes home!!!! 

as of this weekend, we'll be all moved in to our new place.... 

well all moved OVER at least....

but it's going to be a  short stay there, so we probably won't really unpack a whole lot.....

i love the thought of our dreams and future together.

I have NEVER been so confident in up and going.... i've never thought of anything as forever.....

until Jason....

just look at that picture up there at the top of this page.... !!!!  Look at how amazing he is!!!! his smile can light up ANYONE'S world who knows him (especially mine!)  he is perfection if there is such a thing.... !!!!  

to my lovely, Lovely husband.... 

I love you!

Thank you for giving me ALLLLL of the reasons to believe in love.....

thank you for your support EVERY single day since the very first day i met you....

thank you for your hugs and kisses and for all your hard work.....

my life (now that i've had you in it) would be so very empty without you....

thank you for being you, and loving me.... for a lifetime!!!!  

all my love and kisses!

xoxoxoxo

oh yeah. 1 more thing.

pictures of the eggs to come.... 

good night.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!  

It's Sunday, the 12th of April, and our first Easter spent together.....

another first?

me cooking an Easter dinner!

mom said she didn't want to cook, or hadn't planned on it this year.

normally, that would be fine, but it was the least i could do for Jason, was attempt to make him an Easter dinner.

Mimi suggested that I do it, and so.... i did!

i made a ham, baked beans, and potato salad!

it turned out okay for the first time!

the potato salad was my favorite!!!!

i can't wait for more opportunities to cook!!!!!

i think i'm finally ready to learn.

I think Jason is my drive behind wanting to learn. I want to be able to cook for him, and have something yummy for him when he comes home from those long, hard days at work! ick!

he is already asleep.

we got home not too long ago, and he was out almost immediately!

he isn't feeling well.

i HATE it when he's not feeling well.  it makes me sad. 

i just wish he could take a day off of work and relax at home and get better! that would be great! but wishful thinking. my husband NEVER takes off from work!

Last night, we went to mom's and colored 36 freakin easter eggs. we didn't end up getting home until almost midnight! jason and i were both tapped out and pretty much useless after 9 pm. 

tonight was a great experience. i did push myself quite a bit, because that's usually what i do. i am learning my boundaries and did most of the preparation sitting down at the kitchen table, because... well,  i just can't stand for that long!  it turned out all right.

we had plenty of leftovers, that jason dropped off at our new place. 

speaking of our new place, i sure wish i was able to help move. i would load up the truck and just move loads over while he was working!  i would help duncle d funk move the crap over and surprise jason when he got home, but i can't. and i hate that!   jason has been working soooo incredibly hard these past few weeks, and trying sooooo incredibly hard to accomodate my wants and needs. 

it's hard. i just can't wait for all of this to be over.... the move i mean. (and the pain).

speaking of pain, tomorrow poppa is having his surgery to remove half of his thyroid. i have been feeling okay about it up to this point, probably because he has been so strong about it. he just kept mentioning how he can't wait for the pre-op stuff tomorrow and meeting with his anesthesiologist and he can't wait for the warm blankets they'll cover him in and he'll get that little fuzzy feeling right before going under.  he is such a strong strong man. and mom, i don't know how she does it.  it's scary when you don't know the outcome of an illness.... those damn uncontrollables!!! 

anyway, i'll be seeing marie (one of my heroes) tomorrow early afternoon. so maybe we'll swing by the hospital first thing in the am, or later in the afternoon. maybe afternoon is better. we'll see.... taylor has spring break this entire week.  i feel bad for that also, because i am unable to take her to do anything fun and exciting this week. 

i have the opportunity to cuddle up next to my amazing husband right now, so i think i will.... 

will keep you posted on poppa's surgery.....

Good night.... 

Easter Eve.

22 weeks and 2 days, but who's counting right?

wrong! 

I am getting so extremely excited these past few days!

I feel like Jason and I really need to start getting to the baby store and picking out some more stuff.... like a baby stroller!  we gotta get busy on the crib and getting it ready for baby!!!!  right now, it's just sitting in our new garage.... just being big and taking up space.  Jason (being the wonderful thoughtful person that he is) wants to fix the crib to my liking.... it will probably be a lot of hard work, and I really don't expect him to do all that, but it would be nice.... otherwise, our son is going to have this huge, girly, canopy crib.... it's annoying. i guess i don't care if it's white, it just needs the canopy side things cut down.... 

today, my plan is to sort through some junk. boil and dye eggs with the Tikster. get all the stuff to make a bomb Easter meal, and spend time with my lovely husband!!!! =)

i wish i could do more. i wish i could just run up and down the stairs and pack and load crap in the truck! i would have this apt damn near empty already. hee hee.  i want to be able to surprise Jason and help.... but like he always tells me, i can't dwell on what i can't do.... i can only do the things that i CAN do.... like attempt to cook.

ha! i got some good ideas for a great Easter dinner.... I'm really going to try to cook this meal.... i am going to bake a ham, make potato salad and baked beans!  YUM!  i got some good recipes and I want him to have a good meal.  I am a little bummed at the thought of not being able to go to church this year, but i looked up the broadcast times for Fox and it will air at 10 am and again at 9 pm. hopefully we can eat a good meal and watch what we missed at church this year. i remember i volunteered in 2007. that was when i first started attending church. i'd like to get more involved.... i am hoping to be feeling better soon, so that i can begin attending "Treasured." It's for the mom's or soon to be mommies of little newborns again.... it's a good time to get away and remember to keep your heart with your religion while raising your children.... it's kind of a great place for that peaceful heart.... I hope I do this right this time.  i look back and wonder, "what the HECK made me think i could be a mother at the age of 18?" i have NO idea!!!! you do the best you can do, but still have 10 million things you'd do differently.  instead of living with regret, you think of the things you'd have done differently, and just make an honest effort to change those things this time around.... i KNOW i complain about my pain a lot, and it wears me down, but i'm sure just as much as it wears me down, it probably wears jason down, 10 times as much always having to hear about it....  my honest effort this time?  to show him how much i appreciate everything he does do and everything he does put up with.... he has such a great amount of patience and understanding that i am forever thankful for.....

speaking of my husband, i can't wait until he gets home. he has a tax appt at 4 pm, so hopefully he'll be home in enough time to lay with me for a bit... i love him.... and miss the smell of him (even after a long hard day).... 

maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones, but just sitting here thinking about him makes my eyes all watery.... today melissa said, "i'm glad everything is working out so well for you guys." my brother in law, dustin, says, "did you ever have any doubt it would be any different?" melissa said, "no, i just didn't ever see ashley being married, let alone having another child." i said, "yeah, i didn't either, but now i can't imagine my life without him... i look back and WONDER..... 'how did i EVER believe in love before him?"  it's amazing what a perfect match can do to you and your heart.... changed every outlook i've ever had.... and allowed me to put trust into another human heart.... something i never thought i was capable of doing.... it honestly gave LOVE an entirely different meaning....

okay, maybe i'm just rambling about something that may sound super cheesy.... too bad, you don't have to read if you don't want to!  hee hee.... i love him.... PERIOD!   

well, off to begin going through more crap.... crap crap crap.... that's all i have is crap. jason says i'm a pack rat.... i'd better prove him wrong. ;) 

until my next return to the computer.....

i'm out of here for now....

off to sorting, trashing and packing i go.....

Happy Easter Eve....

22 weeks and 1 day.

22 weeks and 1 day.... 

 

Home alone again. 

doing absolutely nothing. all day. so far.

MAJOR sushi craving....

must.

feed. 

craving.

it's off to Yen i go, alone.

or maybe i'll wait 30 more minutes for T to come with me....

but i'm soooo hungry....

Little man's been kicking like crazy today.

cannot wait to hold him!

talked with Jason last night about the names.

haven't been able to get him to talk much about them last night.

the only one he likes thus far?

*drum roll please*

Lewis Raymond....

looks like everyone else is going to have to adapt to our little King Lewie's name....

i'm certain SOMEONE can appreciate the meaning it has behind it....

Lewis (after my dad) 

Raymond (that's all the first born King son's middle names).

we'll see.... 

off to finish flat ironing my hair....

....and eat sushi.

YUM!

22 weeks....

yep today is 22 weeks.... 

and today i've stayed home, doing absolutely NOTHING!

That was per Jason's request that i try a day doing absolutely nothing.

it was difficult, and i can't imagine doing this everyday, but i tried for today.

very sad news about Nick Adenhart's passing late last night/early this morning.

just brings forth the reality of life....

anyone can go at anytime.... when NO ONE expects it.

and it's SO sad!!

STUPID drunk drivers!

helped taylor with her journal entry for this week.

MAN! i am SO not good at trying to explain the "properties of a solid and a gas and the differences between them both" to taylor.

she was SO distracted and very hard to keep interested in it.

she kept wanting to give examples of a solid. 

the couch, her cd, a hershey's chocolate bar.

and then for a liquid....

water, chocolate milk, and on and on.... she has the right idea, but those aren't properties !!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

so i was sitting on the couch with my iced mocha, which tipped over and soaked my drawstring pants and underwear and all over the couch.... nice. 

i smell like coffee and need to shower.

Jason should be home soon.

I miss him extra today.... maybe because I actually feel halfway decent, and all i want to do is see him.... 

going to shower and make cupcakes.... 

i'm calling it an early night tonight....

i want cuddletime with my husband.

off to the shower i waddle.....

I've got nothin' but time....

21 weeks and 6 days today....

120 some odd days left.... 

the time seems to go by so much faster when you're busy and working, and not counting a day at a time, but right at this moment, that's all you can do.....

take it a day at a time....

getting in bed at night, trying to sleep, turning over in bed, trying to get up out of bed, every single step I take.... IT HURTS!!!!  I keep trying to tell myself... 4 more months, and I'll have our little man in my arms.... and it will ALL be worth it. It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you can barely walk. sometimes i just break down and cry like a little baby because it's so frustrating.

this morning was a rough morning, and i stayed up talking to Jason his whole way to work.... I am SO incredibly lucky to have such an amazing husband! he's such an intelligent man. not arrogant in the slightest bit, just so smart. gives such great advice. he's the common sense that i don't have sometimes.  =)

anyhow.... this was more of a venting session than anything else....  

back to sitting here and doing a whole lot of .... well, resting!!!!

i'm sure i'll be back soon!

mommy and daddy/ auntie and uncle....

So today we got news that not only will we be a mommy and daddy), which we've already known, but we will now be an auntie and uncle as well!  After 3 years of failed attempts, Melissa and Dustin have finally come up pregnant. She is around 5 weeks pregnant, and due around December 6th.... our 1 year anniversary.... wow!  What a complete surprise!  The negative side of me worries, just as I did at the beginning of our pregnancy, because their's (as with ours) was highly wanted (unexpected, but desperately wanted!)

Keep them in your prayers, please. I wish nothing but the best for them!  

On a more painful sidenote, the doctors finally know what's wrong with me.... Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction.... the separating of my pubic/pelvic bone.... SUPER painful to the point of me barely being able to walk.... I'm awaiting the approval of my referral for physical therapy and that should begin this week.... out of work for 2 weeks to see if the physical therapy helps it at all.... it's progressively gotten worse, and is said to only get worse as the baby continues to grow and the weight continues to press down on the bone.... we'll see how all that goes.... I'm beginning to accept that the remainder of these last few months will be painful, but I am highly convinced that the payoff will be more than worth it and I will (hopefully) forget all this pain, just as I began to forget about the pain with Taylor. (only Taylor was constant vomiting.... a completely different type of discomfort).  

A friend of mine said, "Ashley, there's something about you and pregnancy that just don't agree...." I think she's right.... Maybe this will be it for us.... our girl and our boy, and be done.... Jason doesn't seem to think so.... he says, "in a few years, you'll begin to want that newborn baby around again and you'll get an itch for another one...."  I don't know that I agree.... this may just be it for me.... 

I think I'm officially turning in my crown, as of today, for the pregnancy attention.   I don't want to be in the limelight, and maybe this is good for me to suck it up, like a champ, and carry out these next and last 4 months like a.... well.... I don't know.... let them go by and just be merry.... ha!

Enough of my jibberish. It's clear, I need therapy still.... Away to my sweet, peaceful (awkward, hormonal) dreams I go....

21 weeks tomorrow.

20 weeks and 6 days today.... !!!! holy smokes! we're more than half way done! that's insane!  i stopped counting a while ago, because the time was going by SOOOOO slowly.... i'm about as big as a house.... here's a "20 week" belly picture!

 

work has DEFINITELY been keeping us busy.... today was my biweekly ultrasound and cervical measurement. cervix is still okay! =)  we had a grumpy old lady as our tech today and the SECOND she put the little thing on my belly to see our little peanuthead, he was doing somersaults!  he would not stop for half a second, i kid you not.  melissa took a super early lunch to come see her little nephew.... he is getting SOOOO big! it's INSANE! it's amazing to go every 2 weeks and see him and how much he's changing and growing. i think he's about 10 and a half inches long and about 11.5 ounces or so.... somewhere around there.... crazy that he's not even a pound and i've gained about 10!!! ICK! 

so much has been going on with work and our busy hectic life.... going to see the specialist this friday. he is certain he finally knows what's been causing me SO much freakin pain!  my pelvic bone is separating at the bottom (from too much relaxin- a pregnancy related hormone) perfect name for such a thing! 

we are still undecided with names.... jason says he doesn't want to decide on any names until it's much closer to the date.... he thinks i'm going to change my mind a bunch of times still... not true.... we'll see.... 

got news this morning that summer and nathan welcomed their little baby boy (absolutely beautiful) at 312 am. he was 7 lbs 8 oz. and 20 inches long! how perfect for them!  =)   

anyway.... uncle ralphy came home on the 20th from Iraq. taylor got a hold of grandma sara who called ralphy and told him to call us. since his gf works nearby, he stopped by this afternoon to visit taylor. she was excited to see him.  

we are able to begin moving anytime now.... i just wish i was able to move and lift. i HATE being restricted to pretty much NOTHING! i feel so worthless and helpless.... it sucks.  anyway.... we'll see how everything goes.... i'm going to start taking things over slowly.... uncle d said he'd help! =)  

jason is going to flip if i start moving stuff.... but i'm not going to sit back and have him move everything by himself. just doesn't make sense. 

anyway.... i'm off to finish cleaning a bit before jason gets home.....