Thursday, July 1, 2010

there are fireworks BECAUSE....

okay, so it seems that many people don't understand why we have fireworks on the 4th of july....
i've been taking a history class this summer, folks....
i'm here to tell you why.....

the history and its timeline goes something like this....
so somewhere in september of 1982, i buried myself into the lining of my mother's uterus....
i was due in the month of june in 1983....
buuuut i had decided that eh, the weather just wasn't right....
it was june.
it was gloomy.
so i slept.
and slept.
and slept and slept and slept some more....
finally, it was a day that i was content with.
i'd packed on a few extra pounds and i had to have a *cough*.... a b.m... you know.... a bowel movement....
i couldn't hold it anymore, and it was perfect timing, because i believe it was either july 2nd or early on july 3rd that i'd received my eviction notice.
"must vacate premises by 630 pm tonight."
i'm pretty sure this is when i'd decided i was going to become a procrastinator....
so i tested my limits....
FINALLY around 605 pm, i'd decided that i was either going to be surgically extracted, or i was going to poo myself, so i decided to enter this world.
I DECIDED!!!!
my mom was SO tired, as i was 9 lbs 4 oz, and she had no pain medication, so she went right to sleep.
EVERYONE, i mean EVERYONE from towns near and far, drove thousands of miles to come and see me and to celebrate my arrival!!!!
but mom was sleeping....
so they waited until the next day.
NOW, folks.
NOW it was the 4th of July....
it was time to celebrate my arrival....
there were loud cheers EVERYWHERE!!!!!
people were bbqing, waving flags (to let mom know they came from all over the country)....
some other people made banners
and when the night began to fall, the sky was filled with fireworks!!!
fireworks that spelled out my name!!!! well, kind of.
it looked like USA, but it was really Ash, for Ashley.
my mother was free!!!!
she no longer carried this BEAST of a child around anymore....
and so came the name "independence day"....
my mom gained, once again, her independence....
and the world gained me....
(i'm not entirely sure "gained" is the appropriate word, but.....i think you get the point....)

....
the end.

Happy 4th of July!!!!

6 comments:

buymebarbies said...

HAHAHA, I almost forgot all about THAT "real" meaning of Independance day!! God, I'm glad you reminded me!!! I think I'll celebrate again on Sunday, like I have for the last 27 years!!!

Ms. Anthropy said...

Happy Birthday and Independence Day! I shall go light a firecracker for you, or have a poop, to celebrate! (actually, any day I can poop, is cause to celebrate)

Ashley King said...

@mom, DUH!!!! hahahha. i thought my big head would remind you daily. ;)

@ms. a. yes, have a poop for me. no don't eat it. or drink it. just dooooo it. wait. that didn't sound right either. AH! you get the point! happy 4th!!!

Shell said...

Happy birthday!

Um, I feel old right now. LOL

Anonymous said...

Awww, I didn't know it was your birthday! Mann, don't I feel sheepish! Well Happy Birthday!! And thank you for the history lesson too cause I had been misinformed all those previous years..LOL!

Pat Tillett said...

Happy Birthday!!!!!