Thursday, July 15, 2010

my.grain.

I have a horrible migraine.... It hurts so much so that I'm contemplating when the "moment" will come when I'll throw the blankets across the bed, dramtically uncovering jason (who is sleeping in his underwear.... Don't be jealous). I'm afraid that I'll be snuggling with the toilet rather than my husband tonight....
Which brings be to the porcelain God or Goddess....

You know that feeling when you KNOW you're going to throw up, but you just haven't reached it yet.... The point when your mouth starts salvating (is that even a word, or the correct spelling?) Where your mouth is just watering profusely, because the vomit is like slowly working its way from the stomach acid churning in your stomach... It's like pressing the rewind button on your peristalsis.... It's like throwing your esophagus into reverse, and your esophageal sphincter is just waiting for the acid (and whatever else is leftover in there....) In my case, some peppermint white mocha frapp, 3 quarters of a steak taco from La Salsa, some double brownie madness chunks, lots of ice water and about 76 mg of imitrex (I bit it unevenly).... All of it is just waiting and fighting to make its grand entrance into the toilet.... And just when you hit that point where you KNOW you'll feel better once you hurl, you find yourself hopelessly draped over the toilet seat like a dryer sheet stuck in your pant leg. You're wrapped around the toilet seat, staring into your dog's waterbowl (not your dog? Oh.... Mine either.) Do you ever do that thing where you dry heave and think, "oh here it comes!!!!" And then you stop.

And then it's like, "ohhhh this one is it!!!" *dry heave* and still, nothing....

Or am I the only one who, once I am over the toilet, just wants to puke and start feeling better already, so you start imagining all the butts that sit on the seat.... And then what they do while they're sitting there.... Farting.... Into the toilet water that your face is now so close, you could almost drink it.... Or pooping out 2 day old pot roast and rotten milk. Well, it wasn't rotten when they drank it, but now it's rotten.... And full corn kernels.... Or ice cream.... Or 16 beers.... Ew.... Do you ever think that people poop right after they've peed in there and it MIGHT have splashed up onto the seat that your face is now touching?

No?? Yeah I don't either.... I was just wondering if there were any weird, sick people out there....

Glad I'm not weird or disgusting....

15 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

I had horrible migraines when I was pregnant the last time. Are you pregnant?

This post makes me queasy. I hate to even think about throwing up. I hate to hear someone throwing up. I don't even like to read about someone possibly throwing up. I think I'm going to puke. THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

Anonymous said...

I get the salivating part...totally know what you mean. Ya, but that pooping and corn kernels and rotten milk...you lost me there. I'm salivating over a toilet now after reading this..

Georgina Dollface said...

Dry-heaves when I have a migraine are the worst thing ever. All the wretching puts pressure on my head and makes it hurt even more.
Oh, and I really hate it when I do barf in the toilet and water splashes up at and lands on my face. Yuck!
Hope you are feeling better soon. Sending gentle sympathy hugs your way. - G

Ashley King said...

@Ms. A. no i am NOT pregnant!!!! no way, no how, no THANK YOU!!! hahaha.

@anonymous, yes, salivating. haha. sorry for making YOU sick too!

@ Georgina, yes, dry heaving is the worst! and it TOTALLY puts more pressure on your head!!!! yeah, when i throw up, it used to come out of my nose, until i got my tonsils taken out.... i still have a slight headache but it's better than last night. maybe it's the heatwave that just rolled in.

Marlene said...

I'm sorry you're feeling shitty....but please don't be upset with me because I laughed hysterically when you got to the FARTING part! (It doesn't take much to make me laugh!)

buymebarbies said...

You really are a freak!! Never done any of that, heard any of that, saw any of that, smelled any of that!! LOL EWWW, did have the toilet water splash back in my face though, NASTY!!! It was good though, because it made me just keep on puking fast!! There's nothing worse than sitting there, wondering how long you're going to be sitting there before feeling better!!! UGH BUUUUT, glad you were feeling better today!!

Pat Tillett said...

At this point, I'm not sure if I'm going to hurl, or go eat something.
Maybe both...

hilarious Asley!

Ashley King said...

@Marlene, i seriously crack up for gross stuff like that too!!! jason only farts in front of me accidentally. and i just CRACK up, and he thinks it's SO funny that i think it's SOOOO funny when he does.... i think it's so funny that i intentionally farted right next to him the other night and then laughed about it for like 2 days.... i'm lame, i know.... but if you could see his reaction to farts or feet, you'd laugh too.....

@Mom, i'm NOT a freak... and IF i AM a freak, well, then, i learned from you.... it's all your fault. everything is. hahaha.

@Poppa. why don't you go grab another beer. it's ASHLEY, not asley. boozer.

Pat Tillett said...

You are on a roll...

Ashley King said...

don't talk about my rolls please....

Bossy Betty said...

Sugar! Hope you feel better soon. I am fully in the puke and get it over with camp!

Ally said...

I feel so bad for you and this migraine thing. So many people suffer from it and I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it is. I must admit your graphic post has kinda made me feel like I may just vom myself :9

Ally said...

oh that face is supposed to be :(

Andrea said...

Poor dear! So sorry about the migraine! But amazingly enough - you are not alone!! I do the same thing and you painted the perfect picture (ok - that's a little too much) of what goes through my mind! I could see myself clinging and sweating like crazy! The corn kernels and rotten milk didn't go through my graphic mind, however. But you know what does, the pee & the poop, etc!!! I so get it! And...something that makes me go ahead and just get it over with is thinking of spit...thinking about that bodily function makes me gag all the time. 'Scuse me...eelllgggg!!!! See! Next time, just think of spit..oh ghyal...I'm glad...you're feeling...better...but I've gotta go...sorry...

Mainland Streel said...

Ooo, I frequently get paralysing, awful head pain, but never enough to make me vomit. I hope you don't get these often. :(

And btw...I totally think about that stuff when attempting to vomit. More because I'm a germ phobe though. For puke help, I say hello to two or three fingers in my throat. It's sick, but it works. :(

Yucky.