Monday, July 27, 2009

From the left side of our bed....

From the left side of our bed, which sits closer to the door, I can smell the aroma of the italian sausages cooking in the kitchen.... I can hear the faint clanking sounds of cupboards closing, the oven buttons beeping, the air conditioner roaring.... I can hear the soft breaths of my little man, interrupted every now again with little coos.... It's amazing how long you can sit and stare at a newborn baby, who really never changes what he does, but somehow manages to keep your eyes locked on him the entire day.... Hours at a time.... Your eyes glued to his every move, blink, coo, movement, smile, frown, squirm.... Life is amazing!!!!

You know, its amazing what got us up to this point.... I precisely remember the night we decided we wanted to add to our family.... It's not something you really want to talk about, because the second you mention "we started trying," you probably immediately get the image of 2 people doing it.... Which, I'm sure, is not an image you want to think about.... Soooo anyway.... As I was saying.... I precisely remember the night we decided we wanted to add to our little family.... I remember that night and the 4 weeks that followed.... And the first positive pregnancy test we had before I had even skipped a period. (Again, probably not another though you'd care to hear) shift your thoughts, would ya? We are talking about LIFE here!!!! We are talking about this funky little sea monkey 2 inch creature, that somehow magically turned into a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL baby boy!!!!

I hear Jason's voice in the living room, exchanging words with Michelle (my sister).... When I hear his voice, and his laugh, it brings tears to my eyes.... Besides the fact that I'm a raging hormonal, milk producing machine, I'd also like to give the very truthful credit where it's deserved. I love that man! More than I ever believed it to be possible.... More than I ever believed you could love another human being.... I love him that much!!!! I can't imagine the thought or a day without him. I can't imagine my life without him, and not just because you grow used to someone, but because you genuinely LOVE, adore, appreciate, and enjoy their company....

You know, I never wanted to be in a compromised position with my health, but this pregnancy was a trying time for us.... Even now.... I shower on a 2 step, step stool with a towel under me.... Every single day, he helps me undress and step into the shower, washes my back and holds the showerhead almost the entire time to make sure all of me is kept warm.... Stepping out of the shower is sometimes terribly painful, but his hands are there every time.... With 2 towels, ready to dry me off, and dress me.... It's a very humbling feeling, standing there cold and naked with a much less than attractive body and a scar across your stomach covered in small clear tape strips, in front of your husband, who found you so amazingly attractive before.... It's a humbling feeling holding onto his shoulders as he dries my legs and feet, (with soft litle kisses on my knees) telling me how much he loves me and how strong I am.... How strong IIII am??? I think HE'S the strong one!!! My eyes have filled with tears on so many occasions, including this one right now, because of the undying love we continue to share.... Our vows replay over and over in my head.... When I stood there looking into his eyes, and feeling every single word I was saying to him with all of my heart.... "In sickness and in health...." He meant it, just as much as I did.... We made this decision to bring this amazingly beautiful little boy into this world, without all the thoughts and expectations of a difficult pregnancy and even harder recovery.... But our vows and equal commitment to see it through, is exactly why I can't imagine being any other place than right where I am now.... Right here.... On the left side of our bed.... Listening to coos, soft breaths, smelling italian sausages, hearing his voice and his laugh in the distance.... Jason Raymond King, I hope you know you alone are reason enough to fight through anything that comes our way.... You and our "babies" are every single reason why I will never give up on anything in life!!!!

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