Lights, catheter, ACTION!!!!

So I never really got to talk about this whole birthing experience....



Completely different and opposite in almost every way....



You know, I really didn't know what to expect the first few hours after the amnio that I had done on friday at the hospital.... Dr had said by the looks of the fluid, he didn't think it looked mature enough (meaning he didn't think baby's lungs were going to be mature enough to be born on monday). So I started not counting on the csection for monday morning (even though it was already scheduled, it could very easily be cancelled by dr).... So I started feeling like none of this was going to go through and I'd probably end up just waiting until I labored naturally because I had been poked and stuck so many times, and waited for so many hours for all this "pre-surgery" testing.... I figured there wasn't going to be any point to doing it all again, given that my due date was within the next 3 weeks anyhow....
(hilarious by the way, that as I'm typing this, little man is knocked out on me, laughing in his sleep.... Yes, laughing.... )



Soooo.... After a few hours of waiting for the "lung maturity" results.... (Which,by the way could have taken up to 12 hrs), I get a call from dr, while in the drive thru line at in-n-out.... Through all the crackling and cutting in and out (he was at a family picnic dinner) he says "it's all a go for monday morning.... It's mature!" .... WOW!!! Reality starts sinking in.... Baby boy is comin in T minus 3 days!!!! What needs to be done still?? It's just an intense feeling knowing that you'll be holding your baby.... On the OUTSIDE of ur stomach, rather than feeling all those "knock the wind out of you" kicks to the ribs!!! (Mmmmm.... Ribs sound soo good right now.... Houstons has the absolute best ribs by the way!!!) Okay back to baby....



So sunday night comes. Tears are flowing for reasons unknown (probably a combination of hormones and nervousness about the surgery).... So here I am packing our bag for a "4 day stay." (That's the guess-timated stay time for our situation).... So.... I packed a diaper bag, and our duffle bag.... And prepared for the next morning....



And the next morning comes.... And like clockwork, I wake up just a few minutes before the alarm goes off at 345 am.... I sit at the edge of the bed and my eyes fill with tears.... Half happy tears, the other half nervous tears.... I don't know what to expect.... I don't know what kind of recovery we're looking at.... A normal recovery for csection is around 6 weeks or longer maybe.... And what about with a separated pelvic bone? God please just let's get through this a step at a time....



So we arrive at the hospital, a few minutes before 6 am.... And head straight up to labor and delivery on the 5th floor.... Jason pushes the intercom button and in we walk, only to find more than half of the night staff remembering me.... I hear a loud "IT ISSSSS HER!!!!" Since my last name was hyphenated on one of the papers, they were all wondering if it was ME (their old night clerical coordinator) coming in to have this baby.... So Jen, a super sweet nurse, got us all situated and set up and began monitoring his heart rate (which took a few dips with contractions, so we had to end up leaving the monitors on the entire time rather than just 20 minutes like originally planned....) The anesthesiologist comes in to talk to me (low and behold I know him too!) =). The gang arrives (my mom, poppa, my auntie diana, grammy, and taylor).... They are told where to wait and that the surgery will take about 45 minutes to an hour from start to finish and then I'll be in recovery for an hour and then up to our room....



They come in and wheel us back to the OR (operating room), just Jason and I. They have Jason go off to the recovery room to put the white jumpsuit on, blue OR hat and yellow face mask.... I didn't know that they'd just wheel me right off to the OR.... I only gave him a quick kiss before I was off.... And then.... Into the OR.... SUPER BIG, BRIGHT lights lit up the entire room.... It was sooo cold, it felt like we stepped into a huge fridge (or like you walked into one of the giant freezer sections at costco). It instantly sent shivers over me.... And all I had on was a gown and some socks. The surgical tech and my nurse were the only 2 people in there, aside from the anesthesiologist who walked in a few short moments later.... The nurse helps me onto my side and the medicine man wastes no time starting the epidural.... "You might fill a small pinch" I hear him say.... And a pinch is felt.... "You might feel another" and I feel another.... "Now you shouldn't feel pain, but you will feel pressure." No pain, just pressure was felt.... Now you might feel a shock down your right leg. That's completely normal." I felt two. He was dead on.... Everytime.... Then he does the "pin prick test.". "Tell me when u can feel the pin." And he begins poking me from my waist up.... Right side was good.... Couldn't feel it til he was at my breast.... Left side I felt about halfway up.... Nurse (no longer Jen, but now day nurse)says "we are going to put in the catheter now that you are numb." OKAY!!!! I have no choice! I can't move my lower part of my body (anything below my boobs).... So, this OR table is pretty freakin awesome.... Kinda NASA material or something. They push all these buttons and suddenly my head is lower than my feet.... By a lot.... I'm leaning to the left. (At a pretty steep angle) I felt like I was sliding off the table but I wasn't even moving.... WEIRD!!!! I'm shaking horribly because it's cold and because the medicine was totally taking over and that's just a side effect from the medication. I mean, shaking to the point where my arms were jumping around.... I have my or hat on, my gown pulled all the way up to my chest.... The only body part NOT revealed were my boobs.... So here I am bare stomach and below, catheter hanging off the side, arms jumping around, my eyes were rolling (just the meds kickin in), my head lower than my feet and leaning waaaaaay over to the left and they are about to bring Jason into the OR.... My blood pressure dropped suuuuper low so they had to push some meds for that. I remember telling the medicine dr to please reassure my husband that everything was normal.... Everything that happened to me was normal. The low blood pressure, the shakes, my eyes rolling like they were.... I was soooo worried about jason coming in and seeing me like that!!!! But in he came.... He looked soo worried. Asked me over and over again if I was alright.... Wiped the tears that were sneaking out of the corners of my eyes.... I could hear the loud beeping behind my head of all the machines and my own heart rate, I wanted so badly to just keep my eyes on jason's face, but my eyes kept rolling all around the room. I do remember his face. I remember him leaning in to my cheek and kissing me through his mask... I remember his fingers on my cheeks, all multiple times.... I could feel the constant tugging and pulling, and pressure.... But no real pain.... I could hear the doctors talking back and forth, almost as if just small talk, about who had what.... And then I heard him (the dr) say "just a few more seconds til baby.". So I waited as they tugged and pulled and pushed. The anesthesiologist reached for the mirror and I told him no... I wasn't quite ready to see my uterus outside of my body and on my upper chest.... A few more hard tugs and pulls and there he was.... A few seconds (which feel like minutes) when you're waiting to hear your baby's first cry.... "We have a boy!!!" Well duuuh! We knew we were having a boy. =). Jason immediately went over to the warmer and began snapping photos of our little man.... Brought the camera back over to show me our boy.... Soo adorable!!! I remember looking up at the ceiling so that my ears were unmuffled and I could hear his cry the best.... And as I looked up at the ceiling there was a reflective part on the ceiling that revealed my flesh tone skin and a large, red gaping incision in my abdomen.... I could SEE the cut! It wasn't exactly like looking into the mirror, but it was pretty darn close....jason brought him over to my side so I could touch his cheeks and kiss his face.... He asked "what's his name mama?" I couldn't see him well enough to pick his name.... I told Jason to pick his name.... He looked at him and said "it's Lewis mama. He looks like a Lewis...."


Our little Lewis Raymond King was born at 0810 am, weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz and was 19 inches long.... He was as healthy as he could possibly be, for being born at 36 weeks and 4 days.... (Nearly a month early).... How blessed we are!!!!


And they stapled me up and pulled down the curtain and asked me if I wanted to hold our boy.... I did. And I continued to shake so hard. I wanted Jason to hold him.... So we moved into recovery. I had no pain at all. Just the shakes.... I got to hold him and kiss him. They checked him all over and he was great. He would be staying with us in recovery.... I was in love again. Love at first sight. I was in love with Jason all over again, and seeing him with our boy. He was so attentive and held his little hands and kissed him and whispered into his ear.... I loved my husband even more (which I didn't think was possible)....



Upstairs we went to our room.... We brought taylor in with us first for a little bit so she could hold her brother and see him first.... This was the first time as our new family of four.... I was exhausted.... But you kind of just run on adrenaline for awhile.... Wanting to see and hold your new addition.... You sort of don't feel pain, or feel as tired as you probably should be....



Everyone else came in to see our new boy.... And hold him and wow! Just wow. What an entirely different experience! You go in and 45 minutes later there's a baby.... Not like the 12 hours it took with Taylor.... The waiting to see how far dilated you are and all that, although I must admit, it is very exciting that way!!! =). I was just as excited to meet our little man....



We ended up staying until friday, mid morning.... So from monday through friday. Overall, I had pretty great nurses.... I had one of the nurses I worked with before up on labor and delivery come down to visit on a "horrrrrribly painful" day....she just came down to say hi, and ended up helping me shower and clean myself up as I sat and cried like a freakin baby! Thank Heaven for people like her!!!! Honestly, I will never forget that! NEVER EVER EVER!!!! It's crazy how one day you work with these lovely people and another time, they're taking care of you.... And it was totally not her floor or her responsibility to do that!!!! Waaaay too sweet of her! BIG thank you to Miss Melissa! =)



So friday comes, and we get home.... What a day. What a day.... Just exhausted.... We are home now.... With our man finally.... And ready to find the balance of not one, but 2 kids.... Ready to find the balance of each other, and work and home and everything else.... Ready to get better and back in shape again.... We are ready.... Ready to continue our journey as the kings.... =)

From the left side of our bed....

From the left side of our bed, which sits closer to the door, I can smell the aroma of the italian sausages cooking in the kitchen.... I can hear the faint clanking sounds of cupboards closing, the oven buttons beeping, the air conditioner roaring.... I can hear the soft breaths of my little man, interrupted every now again with little coos.... It's amazing how long you can sit and stare at a newborn baby, who really never changes what he does, but somehow manages to keep your eyes locked on him the entire day.... Hours at a time.... Your eyes glued to his every move, blink, coo, movement, smile, frown, squirm.... Life is amazing!!!!


You know, its amazing what got us up to this point.... I precisely remember the night we decided we wanted to add to our family.... It's not something you really want to talk about, because the second you mention "we started trying," you probably immediately get the image of 2 people doing it.... Which, I'm sure, is not an image you want to think about.... Soooo anyway.... As I was saying.... I precisely remember the night we decided we wanted to add to our little family.... I remember that night and the 4 weeks that followed.... And the first positive pregnancy test we had before I had even skipped a period. (Again, probably not another though you'd care to hear) shift your thoughts, would ya? We are talking about LIFE here!!!! We are talking about this funky little sea monkey 2 inch creature, that somehow magically turned into a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL baby boy!!!!



I hear Jason's voice in the living room, exchanging words with Michelle (my sister).... When I hear his voice, and his laugh, it brings tears to my eyes.... Besides the fact that I'm a raging hormonal, milk producing machine, I'd also like to give the very truthful credit where it's deserved. I love that man! More than I ever believed it to be possible.... More than I ever believed you could love another human being.... I love him that much!!!! I can't imagine the thought or a day without him. I can't imagine my life without him, and not just because you grow used to someone, but because you genuinely LOVE, adore, appreciate, and enjoy their company....


You know, I never wanted to be in a compromised position with my health, but this pregnancy was a trying time for us.... Even now.... I shower on a 2 step, step stool with a towel under me.... Every single day, he helps me undress and step into the shower, washes my back and holds the showerhead almost the entire time to make sure all of me is kept warm.... Stepping out of the shower is sometimes terribly painful, but his hands are there every time.... With 2 towels, ready to dry me off, and dress me.... It's a very humbling feeling, standing there cold and naked with a much less than attractive body and a scar across your stomach covered in small clear tape strips, in front of your husband, who found you so amazingly attractive before.... It's a humbling feeling holding onto his shoulders as he dries my legs and feet, (with soft litle kisses on my knees) telling me how much he loves me and how strong I am.... How strong IIII am??? I think HE'S the strong one!!! My eyes have filled with tears on so many occasions, including this one right now, because of the undying love we continue to share.... Our vows replay over and over in my head.... When I stood there looking into his eyes, and feeling every single word I was saying to him with all of my heart.... "In sickness and in health...." He meant it, just as much as I did.... We made this decision to bring this amazingly beautiful little boy into this world, without all the thoughts and expectations of a difficult pregnancy and even harder recovery.... But our vows and equal commitment to see it through, is exactly why I can't imagine being any other place than right where I am now.... Right here.... On the left side of our bed.... Listening to coos, soft breaths, smelling italian sausages, hearing his voice and his laugh in the distance.... Jason Raymond King, I hope you know you alone are reason enough to fight through anything that comes our way.... You and our "babies" are every single reason why I will never give up on anything in life!!!!

hard hat area....

so i needed to get on here and do some serious blogging....

only, everytime i think i have all these billions of ideas going through my head, as soon as i get on here, they have already somehow seem to found their way out of my head....

first things first.....

went to the dr yesterday. 

35 weeks and 5 days (yesterday) 

heartbeat was great, and he went head down (for now)....

after going through all of our questions, (jason and i), we talked about "when" now....

anyway, long story short, we are going for an amnio next tuesday morning (for a lung maturity test).... for those of you who aren't familiar with the slang "amnio," it just basically means they are going to stick this SUPER LONG needle into my stomach and take out some of the amniotic fluid etc... they will determine if his lungs are mature enough for delivery.... with that being good, we will be induced next week! =)

speaking of next week, jason has been promoted at work.... he is being pulled onto a new job (a 2 1/2 year school job) which is FANTASTIC news for us!!!! this is why i have been soooo proud of him, but was waiting for everything to go through.... what horrible timing right?  i figure this much.... i know what a hardworker jason is and how important him providing for our family is.... so i figure if i can deliver on wednesday or thursday (which will put us home on a friday or saturday, assuming all goes well), i would be happy. that way, he can be there when our munchkin is born, and then head to his jobsite and come back after work.... at least i'll be in a controlled setting with nurses there to take care of me.... i mean, i'm sure i'll be sleeping most of the time anyway.... some people think i'm completely crazy for saying that, but i try to be as supportive as possible. him getting this job was a HUGE deal.... a big raise and lots more responsiblity.... anything i can do to support him (even if it's not everything I want at the time, I try to understand).... (although it would be extremely wonderful to see his face every moment i woke up.... )

so in preparation for our little man, i am going back to the lady who massages me.... she made me a copy of the cd that plays when she massages me.... it's SOOOOO incredibly relaxing.... i need to add it to the itouch so that we have something to listen to while at the hospital.... i thought that was incredibly sweet of her.... the front desk called me last week and said that she had made a copy of her cd and it was ready to be picked up whenever we were ready to get it! stooooooked! =)  Thank you Mary Jo!!!!  Jason asked me if we could pay her double her pay if she'd come to the hospital with us.... that would be nice, but i'd probably get terribly aggravated.... i don't think i wanna be touched a whole lot. i wasn't liking the touching a whole lot with taylor....

on a more horrible note, the lady who has been cutting my hair is no longer with that company.... the cell number i had was changed, and i could just cry.... (actually i did, but that's besides the point) you don't understand what that feels like.... blow! i've been going to them for FIVE freakin years!!!!!  (and LOVE her work!!!! she's AMAZING!!!!!)  she was going to cut my hair right before i was going to deliver.... i don't know what to do now.... there are a couple of other girls with the same company that I can go to, so i will try setting something up with them...  soooooo bummed.... dangit!!!!!  HALEY COME BAAAAACK!!!!!!    =(

 

names names names.... this is something we had all picked out from the beginning. if it was a girl, definitely Abigail Lynn, if it was a boy, it was going to be Lewis (after my dad) and Raymond (all the first born son's middle names on the King side).... then i guess people's 'not so great response' to the name Lewis Raymond, started sinking in and i started questioning if we should name him that or not.... it wasn't just the people, but i started questioning how it would be to call my son by my father's name.... jason wants to call him king lewie.... i also LOVE the name Jack.... wasn't one of jason's favorites, but for some reason, i LOVE 'J' names.... he doesn't want a junior, because he thinks it's too cocky.... i, personally, think he has the right to be a bit cocky.... he is damn fantastic!!!!

anyway,..... i GOTTA get busy on Taylor's room... we have a garage sale to have this saturday.... i gotta make room for this little guy.... right now, we are SO freakin tight with space (assuming his arrival)... it would be perfect if it was as is.... but another person, and their clothes and toys and "stuff".... yeah, not gonna work out so well here for too long.... especially with taylor hoarding any and everything, and a grandma who buys her 12 of everything....  

i did take "before" pictures of taylor's room (as messy as it can possibly be) and don't quite feel like posting them until i at least have an "after" one to post as well.... 

wish me luck... i'm putting on the knee pads and helmet and goin' in....

the way he shows me....

this is a post in response to a comment someone had made before about seeing it from jason's side.... the entire "feelings" side.... sometimes i wish he was as open as i was about feelings, but then again, it's a part of him that makes him Jason.... he doesn't share his feelings with many, and for that, I can't complain.... he doesn't need to stand on a super tall building and yell how much he loves me (just because i'd do something like that) hee hee hee.... i am VERY open about my feelings towards my husband.... i think that (as cheesy as it sounds) the world doesn't have enough people expressing their wonderful feelings... people are always SO quick to badmouth, or gossip, or spread bad news, but what about the great things, the good feelings? what about those?

what keeps me going and loving my husband so much, are so many wonderful things.....

i love the way he loves me, and the way he shows me.....

i love that one of the most important things to him at night is going to bed with me at the same time.... he doesn't ever want to get into bed without me there.... he loves to roll onto his right side and wrap his arm around me, and it gives me this sense of security unlike any i've ever known.... 

i love how he will pull me aside after a long week, and tell me how much he loves me and appreciates all that i've done that entire week.... i love how he thanks me for carrying our son, and the way he kisses and talks to my belly.... i love the way, we can sit for literally a LONG time, saying nothing at all, but with him staring into my eyes, can bring me to tears.... i love how his hand on my thigh while we drive, gives me that fuzzy feeling. i love the way his fingertips softly tickle my arms and back at random, unexpected times.... or how i'll get flowers with little notes attached "just because."  i love how a big outpour of feelings isn't ALLLL the time, but extra special when they do come..... i love how he includes me in everything he does and is more than willing to teach me how to do them as well.... i love how he has NEVER (since day 1) been afraid to have me at his side.... introduce me to friends, go out for dinner a few drinks, or stay home and watch tv, or snuggle, or whatever. (yeah, i guess "snuggle" isn't so manly.....) so.... just lying together.... hee hee... 

i love how, as soon as i found out i was pregnant, (and i couldn't and didn't have any drinks anymore, he quit too).... i love how our fun times are EVERYTHING we do, and not just fun stuff.... i love his sense of humor and how he can even make cleaning the house fun.... 

this probably isn't the greatest example, and it's still not from his side.... or his point of view.... but i think a man can understand what these things mean.... (being that a man had mentioned it would be interesting to see or hear his side)

i'm sure you've heard it before, that having and going through the good times are not what make the relationship great.... it's knowing how to get and go through the bad times together and still come out together that make it wonderful and worth every last second of living for.... 

i love my partner, my very best friend.... more than anything in this world (a love for a child and your partner are completely different, so no that doesn't mean i don't love my children as much.... it's just an entirely different kind of love).... 

maybe, one day he'll get on here and rant.... or vent.... or complain about me.... ;)

until next time.... 

playing a little catch.... up.

so, brief rundown of this weekend....

didn't feel so hot this weekend, so I, personally, didn't do much.

the hubby, on the other hand, and like he always does, DID do much!

Friday night he tells me that he has to go in to work on saturday morning for a few hours and that he wants to take taylor with him to the job site and show her all around....

so we tell taylor and she is SOOOO excited.

she knows how early jason gets up every morning, so we decide to prepare everything the night before.... 

we pick out the clothes and she gets to bed.... 

at 321 am, i hear her toilet flush. thought she was just going to the bathroom in the middle of the night like she does occasionally, but then her bedroom door opened, and then the bathroom door closed, and then she was talking to herself. i thought "what the HELL is she doing?!"

so i get up.... knock on the bathroom door and open it.... low and behold, she is fully dressed, sitting on the toilet with her checklist (a resource we made a while back to help her get ready for school and not forget anything).... all she needed to do was to brush her teeth.

i asked her, "why are you up so early?"

she said "jason woke me up."

now i KNEW that wasn't true, because jason does NOT wake up before me, and if he even turns over, i feel it. 

i said, "i don't think so hun. i don't think he's been up yet."

she insisted that he woke her up.

so i went back into our room and asked him if he woke her up. nope! he hadn't even been awake yet.

so i had to go break the news to Taylor that she was awake an hour and a half early.... 

she started to cry.... 

after hugging her through her tears (which by the way, i totally could have cried myself. i felt SO bad for her..... she was SOO excited to go to work with him), i took her back to bed and turned her tv on for her.... 

so jason gets up an hour and a half later, wakes her up.

she jumps up out of bed with SO much excitement to be going to work with him.

she asks "jason, is it 'take your daughter to work day' today?"

it wasn't any kind of day like that.

he just wanted to show her around the job before it's all done and over with.

they get there bright and early.... i get a phone call at 630ish am, and it's them.

they are eating breakfast on the building's roof in pasadena, looking at the mountains.... she was beyond THRILLED! she had her hard hat on, and was just loving life. she helped him sweep for a few hours and came home ecstatic!  

i love that they do stuff like this together! i really do! =) 

shane (jason's brother) had an all star baseball game at 1030 am.

jason got back a little bit later from work than he had originally expected, showered up quickly and off to the game we went. it was SUPER hot, so i pretty much sat in the truck with the AC on the whole time, which worked out okay, being that his dad's truck was parked just one spot over and they were all sitting on the tail of his truck.... i just couldn't stand the heat that day! what a freakin wuss!  

didn't do much on saturday.... wasn't feeling so hot.... sunday wasn't feeling so hot either.  we had exchanged the dresser we had originally purchased for baby.... which was a plain white one that was going to go into taylor's room.  after having looked in her room about 17 times and trying to imagine where the HELL this dresser was going to go, we decided that we should exchange the dresser for one that would match our bedroom furniture (dark black/brown color) and the other dresser that we have.... it would look more like a bedroom set, and that way if ever little man gets his own room or furniture, we could always keep the dresser and use it for us.....

does that make any sense?

so anyway.... we came home, shut all the windows, doors, lights off, blinds closed, EVERYTHING! and turned on the AC and it felt SOOOO wonderful!  i went to lie on the couch and jason put the dresser together in the living room.... oh i love that man!  he did a GREAT job! usually he gets frustrated or just wants to be done with it real quick, but he put it together quick and wasn't frustrated and it looks great! thanks daddy!!!!   i opened a few packs of diapers we have had for a while, and started organizing the dresser.... tiny diapers, ointment, wipes (thanks jenni!), everything began filling up his dresser. i started some laundry last night.... his gowns and onesies and on and on.... we gotta get our bag packed!!!! 

we delivered the papasan chair to his other brother (steven) this weekend.... which made room for where the crib is going to go.... still haven't decided if we should just put that up right now, or wait a bit.... probably end up putting it together now.... so.... i'll take pictures of the progress that's made.... =)

our weekly dr's visits start tomorrow.... we no longer have to go for the cervical length, as we've made it far enough.... YAY!!!! hopefully i go in tomorrow and he tells me that i'm dilated to like 7 cm and i need to go to the hospital right away. haha! yeah! in my dreams.... =)

now off to somehow try to KILL this heartburn.... DANG! i NEVER got this with taylor. the heartburn, no. the separated pelvic bone. no. the pain from the position (breech). no.... this little monster's going to be a pain in my freakin butt!!!! i can only imagine!!!!

i will be back with more updated info (and pictures) soon.... =)

dinosaur birthday.

so here was my birthday cake (the one that i ate 5 day old leftovers, and it was almost as good as the first day).... and i was VERY thankful they made a heart out of the candles rather than putting 26 candles on there.... it would have made a waxy cake.... and i don't like wax on my cake.... words cannot express how amazingly tasty this cake was!!!!

this next picture is just of everyone singing happy birthday to me.... i'm looking at T, as we are preparing to blow out the candles together (and hopefully not spray the cake with spit, as most young children do).... 

and last, just a little picture of the hubby and i.... i look MONSTROUS and he was just sleepy.... this was about 10 o clock at night and i'm begging him to take a picture with me, since we didn't take one together at the baby shower (DOH me! stuuuuupid!) how could i have forgotten? so we took on this day. yay! even if i do look like a dinosaur. hee hee....

scratch the hamburgers....

once i actually walked into the kitchen and took the hamburger buns off the top of the fridge, i realized i REALLY didn't feel well enough to stand over the stove long enough to cook a hamburger.....

so i went with the chicken salad sandwiches instead.... and just toasted a hamburger bun to switch it up a bit. not that you guys care about what i ate, but that's what i did for dinner tonight....

and my lovely husband calls me, and asks (sometimes i swear he's a mindreader) "should i bring blizzards home?"  ummmm, YEAH!!!!!! dairy queen is only what i thought i was secretly craving! haha!  got to LOVE when your husband reads your mind!  he should be home within the hour.... can't wait! it never gets old having him come home to me. NEVER! i am always excited to see him! he's getting smothered in kisses tonight!!!!

melissa and dustin came by tonight to show me dustin's tattoo. DAMNIT! i should have taken a picture! DUH! what an idiot! it's pretty much a half sleeve, and it pretty much looks great! stoked he got what he's always wanted.... it took him a long while to pick it out just right! congrats dustin! if i had a glass of something, i'd toast it to your tattoo....

now, back to waiting for my lovely husband to arrive home.... GOSH i miss him!

i'd rather be blogging.

yes. thank you christina, for the amazing title.... (or well license plate frame saying)....

there's no where else to go other than crazy when you're at home, and can barely move....

okay, so i totally just went into the kitchen and snuck a few bites of my leftover birthday cake, which is still SO amazingly tasty on day 5..... yellow cake with vanilla frosting i think it was.... something like that, but DAMN good whatever it is/was....

tonight, i am eating alone.... hubby has an appt and won't be home until a bit after 8, so i was trying to think about what to eat.... and ah ha! it hit me.... i spotted the hamburger buns on top of the fridge (right next to the leftover cake), and i decided that i'm going to make hamburguesas for dinner. YUM! i wonder if he'll eat before his appt, or if he'll come home and want to eat at that time, which then, in that case, maybe i should wait for him, and only have to cook them both at that time....

we'll see....

so i found myself babbling on and on and on on my facebook earlier.... MAN i'm turning into something pathetic being home with nothing to do, right?  i wish my water would break, or the contractions would become consistent enough that i could push him out.... well actually at this point, have them cut him out, as he is a stubborn brat (he gets that from his father, DEFINITELY not me)....

i've showered twice today.... and 3 times yesterday.... trying to relieve pain and waste time (and apparently water too).... nothing makes these last few weeks go by any faster.... i did taylor's laundry and then sat on the floor in the hallway, right next to the dryer and folded all her laundry. and then had a hard time getting back up off the floor, so now all her laundry is folded in the middle of the hallway. wow. i am a mess! i need to get on this whole mommy thing.... well crippled mommy thing....

so again, my blog about last night got cut short, when my internet decided to disconnect halfway through my blog, so it looks like i have adhd and just cut the blog short. boom! done! end it right there! in the middle of my thought! that sounds good. duh! i didn't do that. so sorry for that.  

the rest of the message should have said something like, took my medicine (which i have done SOOO well with not taking hardly ANY, and couldn't tell you the last time i took it).... i took a hot bath that jason ran for me, and then proceeded to actually sit next to me and carry on a pleasant conversation with me, while repeatedly kissing my belly, telling our son that he should have come out last night while we were at the hospital.  he showered after i got out of the bath, and we got into bed, leaving our bedroom light on. the rule is, that when the light goes off, jason is asleep in about 2.4 seconds, so we kept the light on, because he still wanted to talk.  last night scared us enough into deciding we should probably get some kind of bag packed, just in case this boy decides he's coming. so jason wrote down all the things we need to put into this bag.... lots of which i use on a daily basis and we can't pack up until it's time.... like my blowdryer. (yeah, don't ask, okay?) i want my blowdryer, because it's already bad enough feeling terribly disgusting and fat WHILE you're pregnant, let alone AFTER you're pregnant and people ask you when you're going to have your baby (yeah, that's a true story. that happened when i was in the hospital after i had taylor.) you have no make up on, you still look pregnant, you're all gross feeling, can't really shower, and feel like crap.... not to mention, you're tired, AND LOOK IT, very much so.... you can hardly walk and, need i go on? so, if i'm able to at least give myself some sort of spongebath (i almost typed out spongebob), and if i can wash my hair and blowdry it while visitors are coming by, at least i won't feel THAT terrible (hopefully)....

on a totally different note, we are having this community garage sale on the 18th.... we are very excited about this, as we have TONS of stuff to get rid of and have been giving stuff away for free left and right. (i personally kinda like giving it away to people who i know can use it) jason on the other hand likes to THROW it away.... it's hard, when it's in perfectly great condition.... like my papasan chair.... almost brand new cushions. right now, it's in the place where we are going to put the crib, so we gotta move it.... and quite frankly, it's acted as a better bowl for storing clean laundry, rather than a "reading chair" as i had originally purchased it to be back when i lived in the 2 bd/1 ba with Tiki.... NUTS to think about having moved out nearly 3 years ago with just her and i.... it's scary.... yeah true, i was 23 and a single mother, and should have been able to easily support her, but times were tough dude!!!! rent is expensive!!!! especially in Irvine!!!!  but we made it! look where we are now!!!!  hoping to buy a place soon (but being so damn picky about it!) we want a place with a yard SOOO bad.  we have seen some great deals out there, so we know it can happen, we just have to be ready to JUMP when they come available.   we'd definitely like to stay out in this area also....

for those of you who followed my horrible bill filing/paying experiences before, and i talked about getting this whole white board thing (jason's idea) and we also got this other bill file thingy with a slot for every day of the week.... anyway, the whole white board thingy is working out great!!!! i made a little grid, and keep the whiteboard in our room, where i can see it every single FREAKIN day.... and although it's not a lovely art piece of choice that i'm stoked to have in my room, i love that i don't have to log in to every single account to check what the due date is again.... and again and again.... =)

i guess i'd better get off here.... i have managed to maintain a 3 bar internet connection for the length of me typing this, which means, i should probably log onto autotrader.com and remove my jetta that people are still calling for a week after it's been sold.... S-L-A-C-K-E-R, SLACKER, i know!  whatever, at least the car's sold, and we got "money in tha bank...." oh yeah! haha.

i guess i'm out of here for now.... i think i got my venting out for the moment.... i'm sure i'll be back on here, being that the house is silent and still. the tv's off. her thump thump thumping through the house is gone (for the time being), and i'm not being told every 5 minutes, "mom, i know we just ate, but i'm hungry.".... i have to say, that although at times that can be very annoying, when i don't have it around, i actually miss it. i miss her coming into my room and sitting with me, or us sitting together on the couch watching some show on disney or nick (that by the way, they are way out there these days.... have you ever watched them?)  what happened to woody wood pecker? remember that show?  or the kcal 9 club or whatever that was, where everyday they made you think they were at disneyland. i used to get so pissed thinking that i had to go to school, while these 3 kids got to be at disneyland every single day.... i miss THOSE cartoons....  

okay, yeah i'm going to ramble on and on if i don't log out, so here i go.... i'm logging out!!! cheers to hamburgers and ice water!

good morning bloody nose.

Good morning ashley.

yeah. this is how i wake up almost every single morning!

and you'd think that after nearly 8 and a half months of this, i'd learn NOT to sniffle when i think my nose is running.... buuuuuuut, i've yet to learn!

Eeeeeevery morning, *sniffle*, and my mouth tastes like i shoved a handful of pennies in it. 

YUCK!

it's soooo disgusting, and i sit up and fast as my oversized stomach allows me to, and i waddle (if you can even call it that) over to the bathroom as fast as i can, hoping that the drip trickling down my nose, doesn't drip out.....

you know, after typing this out, i wonder WHY have i not put a roll of toilet paper next to the bed? DUR! that would probably be the smart thing to do, right?

okay.... so our toilet, after jason has replaced the flapper and it was good, decided that it wants to run again.... stupid toilet! we'll have to figure something else out.

so as for now, it's back to that rubberband contraption.... which by the way, i actually decided to take a picture of it this time.... =)

yesterday was a loooong day....

pain started super early, and just continued alllllll day long.

it wouldn't get better, but felt like it was constant and even getting worse at times....

there were contractions, and just a whole bunch of pain to the point that i didn't know what was going on, or what pains were contractions and which ones weren't.

i called my dr who wanted to have me monitored, just as i figured he would.

soooo, jason, being an hour away, and almost off of work, i was telling him not to worry about it until they said they would admit me.   he wasn't comfortable with that plan, and i wasn't comfortable with waiting 2 hours for him to get home and take me.  so, again, my mother (who somehow always seems to come through), came through yet again.... takes me to the hospital.

(kinda funny going back to a department at a hospital i used to work on, and recognizing more than half the nurses there!) but anyway... i am hooked onto the monitors (not very well, mind you). i had to keep adjusting the baby heart monitor, because it wasn't reading his heart rate, i'd say about half the time.... as far as the contraction monitor goes, i have no idea where that's supposed to be placed. i just knew that when i'd feel one come on, it wasn't always being picked up, so i knew it wasn't placed right.

low and behold, there were definitely contractions, just nothing consistent.... 

dilated to 1 cm.... (big whoop!)

and cervix is soft (a bit too much info for some, i'm sure), but what that means is that it's getting ready for this whole "labor" thing.  

anyway, jason showed up shortly after we had arrived and were all hooked up....

i imagined that he'd get all too anxious and nervous, but he wasn't.

he was excited.

kept kissing my face, rubbing me, kissing my belly, talking to the baby....

he was ready for this! 

more ready than I was.

we still need the dresser set up,

the clothes washed.

the CRIB set up....

we still needed our bag packed,

and as HIGH MAINTENANCE as this sounds, 

i still wanted to cut my hair and get a pedicure.

i am SO sick of feeling SO disgusting.....

but i'll admit, yesterday, i really didn't care about my pedicure or hair cut.

i was hurting....

they checked the level of amniotic fluid, which is looking great still!

my crazy monster is still breech, but more of a transverse position (more sideways, than up and down)  he's definitely running out of space in there as his feet were wrapped up on the sides of his head.... soo stinkin cute though! got to see his little butt and his "junk". (or the twins and their leader, as the tech called it)   =)  hee hee hee.

and we were able to go home after several hours.... 

it could be any time, or it could be weeks....

i'm hoping for sooner, rather than later....

we are looking at a c-section still as of right now.... who knows if that will change. 

i really can't imagine that it will, being that the nurse could feel the pelvic bone (and its separation when she checked me) YUCK!

we'll see, and i will keep you posted.

needless to say, we came home, i took my pain medicine (which i haven't taken in FOREVER), took a hot bath

bridging....

So.... A lot went on this weekend.... My birthday on friday, which was a great one! (Will explain in a moment) 4th of July on Saturday (one of, if not my favorite holiday), and then a beautiful sunny Sunday, going to get a massage and spend the whole day with my hubby. I love it!!

So, on a side note, I have finally found a way to tell which direction baby is in! When he gets the hiccups, they are either waaaaay down low, or up in my chest.... He flips almost every single day, which hopefully means, he's not as big as we think he is.... But also hope that he flips (and stays) head down right around the time he's going to make his grand entrance to the world, unless of course he's being cut out anyway.... Which in that case, I don't mind.... Make yourself comfy little man!!! =)

So birthday day. Great day. Jason and T come in super early with starbucks.... Puts me in a great mood already.... Then T has 3 cards (one from her, my little man, and one from Asia, our dog).... 3 AWESOME cards!!!! Jason gave me his card a little bit later after he and I talked, and of course he made me cry.... GOOD tears, of course!!!! He's sooo freakin stinkin amazing! I look at him, nearly EVERY single day, and think "how in the world did I get so lucky? How did this somehow all work itself out and get us to where we are right now?". I love my husband! Sooooo much!!!! We enjoyed a tasty (and highly unhealthy) breakfast together (all 3 of us, at IHOP), went and picked up Steven (Jason's brother), went to sweet factory (was realllly wanting some sour belts, YUM) and headed over to moms to swim. We didn't really have a plan for the day, because I don't like doing much when I'm not "up to par." We hung at moms, and she ended up making some amazing spaghetti and garlic french bread.... Dessert was one of, if not, THE tastiest cakes ever!!! YUUUUUUUMMM!!! (And some slowly churned french vanilla ice cream). We opened presents and low and behold, I am able to check off items on my "mature" birthday list. Grammy got me my chicken thermometer! Woo hoo! Thanks grammy! =). Melissa and dustin got me my small flat iron, which works awesome by the way (tried it out yesterday). Tuety got me an awesome gift!! She got me some Sephora make up brushes (a set), a brush cleaner and my gold paint pot! SCORE! Thanks tuety!!!! And mom and poppa gave me a hundred bucks, which will allow me to purchase the rest of my "goober" items on my list. =). Its funny how much you realize you don't NEED, the older you get, or maybe it's just having kids, you realize the less for us, the better.... No better way to end a great night then coming home and snuggling with my husband! =)


okay, i have had this draft saved for the past few days. i just need to post it and finish the other days sometime soon. you know, i DO procrastinate.... and this title, really did have a good meaning.... 

hurricane in cali....

Yeah.
Bet you didn't hear about hurricane ashley now did ya?!
For whatever freakin reason, I'm all damn emotions tonight.... Could it be the pregnancy? Possibly.... Could it be my dysfunctions that I'm still working on ironing out? Very well could be.... In fact, I'm sure that's a huge part of the problem.... Could it be I'm overly tired? Slight chance.... Or how about hungry? Oh for sure....
so.... I'll pick one and start from there.... My dysfunctions.... (Working on ironing those out, I tell you).... There is not another soul in this world I would attempt to cook for other than jason.... Since this whole symphysis pubic dysfunction arose back in february, I haven't been much good of anything for anyone.... I've felt like a worthless, helpless, dependant piece of crap.... The cooking went to a bare minimal (and it was pretty damn minimal before), but it somehow managed to lessen.... Things got easier. Chicken breast salad sandwiches.... Tortellini.... Burritos.... Even frozen meals.... And as the time went on, and the pregnancy got harder, the meals got worse and more frequent.... Pizzas being ordered, marie callendars chicken pot pies, (HORRIBLE for you by the way).... It just sucks. Jason complains that he always feels like crap because of how he eats and that makes me feel horrible, especially because I used to cook so much more when we were first together (and NOT pregnant).... You know.... Back when standing was possible.... Anyway.... Today, I decide to go to costco with mom, and pick up some groceries for the house... I'm cookin tonight! That's it! He's comin home and I'm gonna cook and he's gonna start feeling better if I can help it! Everything I do, I do with him in mind! Everything I buy, I buy with him in mind.... So back home we come with 115 bucks worth of stuff (which actually bought quite a bit this time!) Tonight.... Tonight was baked chicken (a whole one) and some red potatoes.... That's what was on the menu for dinner.... So I take out this whole chicken, gut it (which by the way took about 20 minutes for me to cough up the courage to do....) I finally ended up putting a plastic bag over my hand to removed the guts inside.... I cleaned it all out with cold water and then sprinkled some new seasoning all over the chicken, and inside that nasty thing and everything!!!! (If you know me really well, you know I absolutely HATE chicken on the bones!!!!) Anyway.... Seasoned the chicken, put it in the oven at 350, just as mom had said to do. She said you put it in for 20 minutes per lb (roughly), and keep checking on it. You don't even need to do anything else to it. Then make sure the thigh temp is 180 degrees. Easy enough, right? WRONG!!!! I do all of this.... 5 lb chicken.... An hour and 40 minutes.... Times up, chickens not even really turning any kind of brown.... So I cook it for a little while longer (all the while adding another item to my "mature" bday list.... A meat thermometer....) Ohhhh yeah!!! So I had the red potatoes from earlier today, and planned to put those in some butter with garlic salt and just fry those up....well my sister came over and decided to help.... Cut up the potatoes, and made them her way.... (Which didn't really give me the practice at all....) Nor was it the same way I was going to make them.... So jason comes home while we are waiting for the chicken to be done, and starts chowing down on the dip (brought to u by my sister).... Munches on some other snacks.... We check the chicken, which by now its been over 2 hours.... And still not looking ready to eat.... This just sucks. He goes downstairs to wash the jetta, because OH somewhere in my busy day, I found the time to sell the jetta. The lady and her daughter were on their way from IE to pick it up.... So he was washing it up, while I stilllll tried to figure out what the HELL was going on with my chicken!!!! The lady came, and I did all the paperwork with her, went over a bunch of stuff, and gave her the keys.... Came back inside, and now after waaaaaay too many hours of being cooked, the chicken still looks like crap, and doesn't look edible.... So jason and my sister have now chowed down some shrimp (also brought to you by melissa) and those red potatoes that she made.... That I wanted to make.... No one touched the chicken or really even bothered to give it a chance.... I admit, after their remarks, I didn't want to try it either, and I was actually looking forward to trying it originally.... Just not so positive remarks made me feel a bit.... Ohhhh I don't know what word I'm looking for.... So melissa goes home. Jasons done for the night (having eaten nooo chicken) and I, still haven't eaten a bite of anything.... Not even up to this very minute.... My stomach's growling and my eyes are all puffy (that's still the dyfunctional part).... The part that you try so hard to do the things that will make someone happy (especially someone you love a great deal, even though you suck at it, and have zero confidence, but try because you want to make it right and good?) Yeah.... I think its called something like.... "Expectations!!!!!".... That'd be the word!!!! Yeah... So you expect that you'll be appreciated for having made the attempt, and that someone will actually step up and try to make something of this chicken that you so desperately to make work.... But no one does.... The whole chicken still sits in the pan.... Untouched, but very much sliced in to....

So as everyone goes to bed, I go back into the kitchen to take one last look at this pathetic mess I'd hoped to call my tasty chicken.... I took a knife and with tears in my eyes, (clearly having a pity party alone in the kitchen) I began to cut up the chicken and put the pieces into a gallon ziploc baggy.... I turned the chicken and broke the bones off and under all the horrid looking lower half, I came to some wonderful white meat.... The breast!!!! It was cooked and not pink, and not dried out, and so I tasted it and it wasn't bad.... So I continued t load this chicken into the bag, and also continued to cry.... Feeling terribly underappreciated tonight and especially feeling upset that no one had even attempted to find this "golden chicken" with me.... So being narcissistic and actually only caring about my feelings tonight, I felt resentful. I felt resentful that I tried to do multiple good, productive (selling the jetta, that hasn't even been posted for a week), things like: going grocery shopping, attempting to cook, blah blah blah. Making us a good amount of cash.... Still no one seemed to care in any amount tonight.... And tonight.... Well tonight, I'd just had enough.

Oh yeah, and p.s. My pain level's about a 7.5.... Which isn't helping the SLIGHTEST bit!!!! In fact it probably makes me want to hurt someone.... well not really. Originally all I wanted to do was to show love and appreciation and all that was MAJORLY shut down....


Needless to say, there is a gallon bag of pulled chicken in the fridge (probably actually worth giving a shot), a container of some onion dip.... A dishwasher (and one side of the sink) full of dishes.... I have puffy eyes, and am trying to get over feeling resentful, and a stomach that's growling pretty intensely....

Other than that, I think I'm good. Oh yeah, I didn't even mention that I cleaned off the patio... No, SCRUBBED it with soap and water....


And tomorrows my bday, which by the way, I said I didn't really have any ideas in mind of what I'd like to do, so that somehow turns in to us not doing anything except favors for other people, which normally I wouldn't mind doing, but not when they aren't appreciated, nor are they reciprocated.... Oh wow! Just typing that out made a huge wave of resentments surface.... Holy crap! I really am still majorly dysfunctional and it's not just my pelvic bone that's messed up either, its ME!!!!


Well, off to go be pissed!!! Way to bring in my bday, eh?

you know you're getting older, no no.... more "mature" when your birthday list consists of....

so i came to this conclusion just recently, 

(although i should have come to this a long while ago).....

that i'm aging....

i'm growing up....

and it's scary....

last year, all i wanted was a new set of bialetti pots and pans, and a kitchen aid knife set.

low and behold, i got both.

i was SOOO excited!!!!

and then this year, i was thinking about what i want for my birthday because everyone starts asking a few days before. lol.

and seriously, yes, seriously.... my list consisted of probably the cheesiest things you've ever heard of.

i don't NEED anything, really....

but there are a few things i'd like....

-a book light. (for all the late nights that i am awake, and my husband is fast asleep).

-another sudoku book.... (medium to hard). i just finished 200 moderate sudoku puzzles, yeah now THAT'S an exciting life! wooo hoo!!!!

-a curling iron (just like tuety's, cuz i use hers all the time)....

-some sour strips from sweet factory (watermelon ones), and the little blue sour bottles (YUM!)

-anything for the baby

-a small flat iron (because mine is too big)

-MAC paint pot (gold), and peach twist blush

-some new makeup brushes (tuety would be excellent at picking this out!!!)

and yeah, that's pretty much my birthday list.... 

pretty exciting huh?

i guess when you get older, you think of the things you would normally just go out and buy yourself. NEVER did i EVER imagine i'd be asking for a freakin booklight.... but when i'm awake at night, i do my sudoku puzzles if i can't concentrate on reading.... both of which would require some sort of light.... (and i could sneak little peeks and give jason kisses while he's sleeping....)   =)   he doesn't jump anymore!!! =)    

birthday's on friday.... no going big this year.... usually we do dinner somewhere, and end up drinking the night away until the next day where we lay out and swim at nana's (mom's) and bbq all day. love it!  love my family!!!! (all of them)