the leaves change..... and so do i.

Fall is here.... 

the colors go from green, to brown....

the leaves fall from the trees.... 

and crunch on the ground....

the windows are fogged in the morning.....

and my truck is all wet.

my seat is cold when i get inside, 

and even the seatbelt strap sends chills over me when i buckle myself in....

and it's like a morning routine....

to roll the windows down and back up again....

to turn on the windshield wipers.... once or twice....

now i can see....

now i can go....

now i can move ahead....

forward.... 

it's funny what a season can do to you....

the leaves change, and so i must.

why doesn't summer make me feel that way?

why does summer just make me want to sit poolside with a glass of sweet iced tea and sunglasses on.... 

why doesn't summer make me want to be productive?

oh for whatever reason it doesn't.... maybe just this year, especially, because all i could worry about was having a baby.

so anyway.... here i am.... with all these dreams i want to make come alive....

all these ideas just going crazy to come to life.... really!!!!

which one do i start with?

will it be the right one?

should i start another one first?

what do i do? i don't know!!!!

i don't like not knowing!

that's so hard for me!!!!

i have learned to pray and give it over to God to handle.... 

but i've yet to have a peaceful answer as to what i should do first.... 

so as for now.... i've scribbled a mess down on some paper.... on this yellow lined, and spiral bound notebook.... 

a few bills paid today. some laundry's in the washer, now to get into taylor's room.... 

i need to throw away bags and bags of trash and goodwill stuff.... because when we move again, i'm not moving the junk.... that is still a few months away, but those few months will creep up on me, i know.... i can't wait for more room.... i can't wait for a yard.... so until then, i am thankful for all that we have. for this beautiful home that we were able to live in for 7 months now.... i'm thankful for a great school for taylor to attend.... for the safety of our neighborhood, and being so close to my mom and pat.  i'm so grateful that i have an amazingly wonderful husband who looks after us with SO much love.... 

and so, i am looking forward.... 

out of my wet windshield.... wipers going.... i can see a little more clearly....

rolled down all the windows.... they're still wet.... and a little foggy, but they're clearer than before.... 

so here we go, love and craziness and all.... here we go.... 

the leaves change.... and so must i.... 

and so i will....

change.