rip my feet off why don't you....

so i went for my MRI on Tuesday.... they told me i'd be in a tube for 20 to 25 minutes.... they needed to look at my pelvic bone and my tailbone.... to take a closer look....

they told me that i couldn't move for 20 to 25 minutes.... 

"that's fine," i thought.... 

but that's the whole point, i suppose.... i DIDN'T think.... 

i don't ever lie on my back! alllways on my side with a pillow between my knees!

so anyway.... 

i get there.... it's cold. 

REALLLLLY cold.... 

like chillbumps on my legs cold.... 

i had jeans, little black flats and a black tank top with a little beige cover up thingy, but that wasn't keeping me warm....

i couldn't wear my jeans (even though they said to wear whatever i wanted, and that there were no restrictions).... so they gave me these paper short thingies.... which made me even more cold.... i didn't have any socks on, and i certainly wasn't going to go barefoot, so i wore my shoes into the MRI room.... it took me a while, but eventually i got positioned on the sliding table thing (whatever it's called).... the sliding table that will eventually slide me into the tube....

i asked her if i needed to take my shoes off, she said, "nope you can leave them on!" 

so then she covers me up and starts sliding me in to the tube, feet first.... 

whoa! what is that?! 

it felt like someone just SAT on my feet.... they were being pushed down towards the bed as hard as they could be!!! i said, "ummmm why does it feel like my feet are being pulled off of my ankles?"

she stopped the machine and slid me back out and took off one of my shoes, which pretty much JUMPED out of her hand and stuck to the machine.... ooooohhh magnetic! hahaha! 

she said, "your shoes must have metal in them!"

heyyyyy!!!! there's an idea! we probably should have thought about that before my feet were nearly ripped off my ankles! lol. 

anyway. it was funny....

.... funny, until i was in there for much longer than 20 minutes.... 

i didn't have a clock anywhere near me, or one that i could see.... and even if i had one close to me, it wasn't like i could move to look at it anyway....

but even without watching a clock, i knew it was much longer than 20 to 25 minutes.... 

it's funny how when someone asks you if you have to go to the bathroom, or to scratch any itches before you go into this tube.... you pause for a second, (seeing if you have to go to the bathroom) "nope i'm good....."  

(pause for another second to see if anything itches)....

nope, good there too....

then you get inside the tube.... classical music playing in my ears.... this will be okay.... don't have to go to the bathroom.... nothing itches still....

and then it's like all of a sudden.... you find yourself asking yourself "is that an itch i feel on my nose? it IS an itch on my nose." and then it somehow intensifies by like 10 million because you can't scratch it.... but really! how often does your nose itch when you're NOT told to NOT move? it NEVER itches when you CAN scratch it.... lame, but hilarious how that works! 

after all this time, my tailbone is hurting SOOOOO bad! i tried not to focus on it.... 

but i've learned that the more you try NOT to focus on something, the more you focus on it.... so instead of trying to NOT focus on THAT, i tried focusing on other things.... like what i still needed to accomplish that day.... there was classical music playing in the headphones that were tightly SUCTIONED to my ears.... and although it was playing to kinda "drown out" the sound of the LOUD machine, all i could seem to hear was the LOUD machine.... and even though i was trying to focus on everything BUT my sore tailbone, somehow, my sore tailbone was all i could think about. it was getting more and more sore with every passing second. i said "hello?" thinking that maybe she'd be able to hear me.... there was nothing.

no response.

"shoot!" i thought.... what am i going to do?

i'm about to move here in a second and then what? 

what if they have to start it all over again?

then i'd just leave.

no.

seriously.

i'd just leave.

a few minutes later, (even though it felt like a few HOURS later), she asks, "are you doing okay?" 

i answered, "um, can i move? just a little bit? i GOTTA get off my tailbone!"

she said, "no."

i said, "well i'm going to. it hurts REALLY bad!!! i gotta get off my tailbone."

she said, "well don't move side to side. you can slightly lift up, but not too much."

so i did.... just lifted up.... just a tad, and then back down.. and all the while, all the pain that my body could possibly feel, seemed to somehow travel RIGHT to my tailbone and continue intensifying by the millisecond....

i could feel my eyes well up....

and then a tear rolled down my cheek.

HOW EMBARRASSING i thought!

my stomach was turning! 

the pain was getting so intense i thought i was going to vomit all over this waaaaaay expensive machine!

and i thought "what'll they do then? start over?"

haha. mean, right?

i wasn't TRYING to make myself sick, i was just feeling sick from the pain.

oh man.... it sucked. there was just no other way to say it.... it sucked!!!!

i couldn't help but think about why this was taking so long! i'd thought about a few things i'd gone through in my life.... a few things that i'd experienced with family.... a few things i'd experienced with patients.... none of them were positive thoughts.... 

how STUPID of me.... sitting here.... beginning to sweat inside this stupid MRI tube (which i'm sure everything will be fine with me) but i started getting all emotional.....

maybe it was just because my tailbone was hurting so bad. i have no idea, but whatever it was, i just felt sad.... 

and so i let myself sit there and feel sad....

for about 10 minutes max....

sucked it up, and got out of there as fast (well it was actually kinda slow) as i could....

i couldn't hardly walk after that. 

the lady had said, "sorry it took so long, i had to make a few different cuts through the uterus."

my instinct was to say something like, "am i bleeding?" 

but i didn't.... i just said, "oh.. okay."

needless to say.... i'll know more about the results this week.... 

i'm sure i'll be fine.

i guess the moral of the story is....

just show up to your MRI in your pajamas... and slippers.... and tell them to turn up the music volume louder than whatever it is they have it set on.... try to count sheep or something.... do something to make yourself fall asleep.... 

well, i guess the real moral of the story is that there really was no moral to the story.... it was just me venting....

again.... =)