Thursday, February 10, 2011

i probably should've done time for this/these.

If anyone knew I did some of these things, I could probably go to jail....
or maybe I wouldn't go to jail, but I probably deserved to be there....
or maybe not, but you probably don't want me watching your kids....
sometimes I thought I was slick by not telling Jason some of these things, but when I whispered it to my mom on her birthday, he heard me....

BOOM! not so slick after all....

When lewie was just a tiny, little innocent newborn, he cried a lot.... like a lot, a lot. like more than average, a lot. I remember thinking thoughts in the middle of the night, like, "WHY did we think having a child was a good idea!?!"

1. One night he was really REALLY cranky (Lewie, not Jason), and cried for like 4 hours straight. maybe more..... I had fed him, burped him, gave him gas drops, changed him. checked him all over for like spider bites, and dinosaur bites. checked for ripped off toenails or fingernails... a strand of my hair wrapped around his toe cutting off his blood supply perhaps? I mean I didn't know WHAT the heck was wrong with him.... but I had had it.... I was crying. he was crying.... Jason was sleeping.... I swaddled Lew up, put him in his infant carrier and put him in the living room..... in the dark living room.... all by himself.... I remember I went back into the bedroom, where I smashed my face in between 2 pillows, with the lights on still, crying (and eventually fell asleep).... I woke up over an hour (or 2) later.... Lewie was still crying.... probably should've gone to jail then.... he was so tiny and innocent.... MAN I felt awful.

2. This was more recent.... it was a warm day.... a warm, WINTER day.... I opened our kitchen door which is attached to the garage and put this weight there to keep the door open. I opened our back slider and got a pretty decent draft going through there.... because the garage door was actually opened too.... well, I was doing something.... I don't remember what exactly, and I must've forgotten that I'd had a mobile child.... because as I was standing in the kitchen doing dishes, I saw my son, bare feet and all, walking up to our front gate to pet Asia, our dog.... he wasn't in the street or even close to being in the street, but still.... my stomach likely digested my heart and my intestines and it's probably why I haven't been the same since that day.... or because my mom gave me cereal when I was 2 weeks old. i'm not quite sure WHICH one messed me up worse.

3. I taught my son to swear. no, i'm not proud of this, and i planned on NOT telling Jason about this incident, but i can't keep anything from him really.... I had forgotten something one day, and slipped and swore in the car.... i said it out loud and rather firm.... Lewie then tries to imitate me in the backseat, repeating over and over what i'd said to the best of his ability.... it came out "BUH!" and he said it so firmly too! MAN was I ashamed!!!!

which took me back to that time we were driving home from my mom's and taylor says to Jason, "Daddy, mommy should give me a quarter every time she says a bad word. Then I'd be able to buy a car before I could even drive, huh dad?" BURN!


what were some of your not so proud parenting moments?

9 comments:

John McElveen said...

I babysat our Niece while my Seester and wife shopped. When they got home Dana would be sound asleep-the perfect Angel.

Being in Medicine all my life--I just gave her Dimetapp! Yes--I Tablespoon....then I read the directions--as we NEVER saw Peds..and it should have been 1 teaspoon.

From then on I was Dr Kevorkian, and NEVER had to Babysit again!

J

Marlene said...

Ahhh...motherhood - the toughest job in the world!

Bossy Betty said...

Oh, Sugar, if you go to jail for these things, I'll be your cell mate! I believe during one of my naps my two-year old sat beside me and ate a pound of Oreos.

Oh, and I might have said a few no-no words in the car too....

Jhon Baker said...

Those things are fine and not illegal. It is fine to leave a child crying incessantly alone in a closed room as long as there is oxygen. When I was a lad I would often escape, naked, in the middle of winter with a few feet of snow on the ground. I lived - the parents job is to educate and make sure the child survives. The task isn't always pleasant, it sometimes involves us nearly killing our children and often has us swearing up a shit storm - my kid knows how to swear and why he shouldn't - he isn't punished for repeating but is for swearing at somebody - not just swearing - there is a difference.

Pat Tillett said...

Ashley, Ashley, Ashley! You are not a bad mom! It's not an easy job and you are doing just fine!

About 1 minute ago, there was a TV commercial on about the Grammies. They said that Mick Jagger was making his first Grammy appearance this Sunday. Your mom said to me and Tuety "remember when Ashley used to imitate Mick Jagger?" We had a great laugh! I know this is off the subject, but you sure did keep us all entertained. Never a dull moment!

Ashley King said...

@John, shame on you! haha. if i were in a cell, you'd be right there next to me!!! ;)

@marlene, isn't it though? jason always says, "you fake it til you make it! you do the best you can and hope they make the right decisions, because ultimately they're gonna do what they want anyway." MAN! i am going to have a hard time when that day comes!

@BB, good to know i'm not alone!!!!

@jhon, i hope mine continue to survive! that's the plan!!!! =) i hope they are happy too! Glad you survived!!! wouldn't have your poetry to follow if you didn't!!! hope you cover the goods when out frolicking in the snow these days!

@pat, mick jagger imitation?? you MUST have me mistaken for someone else! i would never do such a thing! ;) hee hee.... i bet i could still do it too.... i could also do this really cool dance in cheerleading bloomers too.... hahahaha.

Pat Tillett said...

Nope! We've held a family meeting on the suject and it was certainly you!!! Happy Valentine's Day!

Stephanie said...

What about teaching my 2 1/2 year old niece to pull up her shirt and say "Girls Gone Wild." Oops!

Ashley King said...

@stephanie, ha! that's horrible!!!! but funny!!! how did your sister feel about that one?? lol.