the firemen's tree.

There was a horrible accident by mom and poppa's house on Sunday morning. I was working that day, but got a call from mom. She'd told me that they'd heard horrible screeching and a car accident and moments later sirens.... Poppa (you probably know him from here ----> Patrick Tillett's blog), got dressed and went down to see what had happened....

There was a woman's body, lying lifeless in the grass.... The paramedics doing all they could to attempt to save her.... but it was too late.

She was greatly involved in Taylor's school for many years. Her, now middle and high school aged, children once attended Taylor's school, where she volunteered a great deal, was PTA president, and started SO many programs and such for the community.

She was on a walk with her son that morning, and had just gotten hold of a loose dog that had been dodging in and out of cars on busy Moulton. She was kneeling with the dog on the corner, when an SUV had run a red light, striking another SUV that was slammed into Mara, throwing her into the wall at the corner. She died instantly. Her son was not harmed, though the poor boy witnessed the entire thing, including the death of his mother.... The drivers and passengers had only minor injuries.

Pat was there when the husband arrived at the horrific scene.... the husband dropped to his knees, yelling over and over, "noooo! nooooo! noooo!" hugging her, just in hysterics....

I wasn't even there, yet it tore my heart out.... it turned my stomach in knots.... how AWFUL for this entire family to have such a tragic and sudden loss.... and yet things like this happen. every. single. day.... families are TORN apart from losses like these!!! How devastating it must be!!!!

Valentine's Day was her favorite holiday, and so they had all kinds of beautiful decorations and balloons and flowers out there for her, as well as tons of candles. The first time I'd visited the site was during daylight.... Mom took a beautiful candle down there and lit it for her....

Yesterday, while dropping the kids off at mom's and poppa's before work, I was stuck at the red light waiting to turn.... As we were waiting to turn, a pick up truck pulled up with a large tree hanging out the back.... a firetruck pulled up behind him.... they both parked.

(Firefighters from OCFA Station #39)

The firemen clearly knew to meet this man here to help unload the tree from this gentleman's truck. The firemen got off of their truck and stood at the site, staring at the candles for a few brief moments.... almost as if they were mourning the community's loss....

One of the firemen grabbed his gloves and wasted no time.... It was clear, they were going to leave this tree for sweet Mara....
The pictures are not the greatest, as I was just thankful to have had my camera in my purse, and to capture that emotional moment.... my eyes filled with tears for the kind gesture those gentlemen took time in their day to do.....

Just a few moments later, heading back down the same way I drove in, there was the tree....

from the fire department.... who likely arrived on the scene to try to save her life....

It was so bright, but overcast, so these pictures didn't turn out very well.... but the tree is beautiful!

After work that night, I went by mom's and poppa's for a little visit, as I sometimes do.... On my way home, I drove that route again.... and all of the candles were lit, again.... It had started to sprinkle outside.... There were no other cars on the once busy street.... The slight wind was gently blowing the red, heart shaped balloons back and forth.... The silver plates with red hearts that were hanging from the trees were spinning in circles.... The smell of the rain had been taken over by the scents of the glowing candles.... The tree that the firemen had placed there earlier stood tall.... and still.... and strong.... again, my emotions took over me, and in the silence of the night, it was a moment I cried for thanks that I was alive.... and for thanks that I have my family....

Today, was her funeral. They held the reception after the funeral at Taylor's school and asked for a little bit of help from everyone with the setup and desserts. I didn't know that the hand held, bite sized desserts represented anything, but they did. She is Jewish and I guess that is Jewish tradition and is to represent a sweet life for the family that was left behind.

And while dropping off the sweets at the school, we came across such a beeeeautiful rainbow!

I'm certain Mara was shining down on them....

i probably should've done time for this/these.

If anyone knew I did some of these things, I could probably go to jail....

or maybe I wouldn't go to jail, but I probably deserved to be there....

or maybe not, but you probably don't want me watching your kids....

sometimes I thought I was slick by not telling Jason some of these things, but when I whispered it to my mom on her birthday, he heard me....

BOOM! not so slick after all....

When lewie was just a tiny, little innocent newborn, he cried a lot.... like a lot, a lot. like more than average, a lot. I remember thinking thoughts in the middle of the night, like, "WHY did we think having a child was a good idea!?!"

1. One night he was really REALLY cranky (Lewie, not Jason), and cried for like 4 hours straight. maybe more..... I had fed him, burped him, gave him gas drops, changed him. checked him all over for like spider bites, and dinosaur bites. checked for ripped off toenails or fingernails... a strand of my hair wrapped around his toe cutting off his blood supply perhaps? I mean I didn't know WHAT the heck was wrong with him.... but I had had it.... I was crying. he was crying.... Jason was sleeping.... I swaddled Lew up, put him in his infant carrier and put him in the living room..... in the dark living room.... all by himself.... I remember I went back into the bedroom, where I smashed my face in between 2 pillows, with the lights on still, crying (and eventually fell asleep).... I woke up over an hour (or 2) later.... Lewie was still crying.... probably should've gone to jail then.... he was so tiny and innocent.... MAN I felt awful.

2. This was more recent.... it was a warm day.... a warm, WINTER day.... I opened our kitchen door which is attached to the garage and put this weight there to keep the door open. I opened our back slider and got a pretty decent draft going through there.... because the garage door was actually opened too.... well, I was doing something.... I don't remember what exactly, and I must've forgotten that I'd had a mobile child.... because as I was standing in the kitchen doing dishes, I saw my son, bare feet and all, walking up to our front gate to pet Asia, our dog.... he wasn't in the street or even close to being in the street, but still.... my stomach likely digested my heart and my intestines and it's probably why I haven't been the same since that day.... or because my mom gave me cereal when I was 2 weeks old. i'm not quite sure WHICH one messed me up worse.

3. I taught my son to swear. no, i'm not proud of this, and i planned on NOT telling Jason about this incident, but i can't keep anything from him really.... I had forgotten something one day, and slipped and swore in the car.... i said it out loud and rather firm.... Lewie then tries to imitate me in the backseat, repeating over and over what i'd said to the best of his ability.... it came out "BUH!" and he said it so firmly too! MAN was I ashamed!!!!

which took me back to that time we were driving home from my mom's and taylor says to Jason, "Daddy, mommy should give me a quarter every time she says a bad word. Then I'd be able to buy a car before I could even drive, huh dad?" BURN!

what were some of your not so proud parenting moments?

best buddies.

Taylor came to me a few weeks back with an application.

"Mom, can you sign the bottom please?" she asked, as she walked away.

So i'm "reviewing" this application....

What am i signing my life away for?

She wanted to be a "best buddy."

A best buddy is a volunteer that helps with the special ed students.

Her application said she wanted to help the special ed students because she thinks everyone deserves to feel welcome and to have friends. She went on to say that she thinks she will make a good "Best buddy" because she is patient, kind, caring, and dependable. When asked how often she would like to help out, she said as much as she is able to....

It moved my heart. I remember when I was in 3rd grade, the exact same grade she is in, I helped the special ed class too! I never told her that, but I will eventually. I don't want her to feel like she has to follow in my footsteps exactly....

So I hadn't heard anything else about the best buddies situation, until yesterday.

I picked her up from school and she says, "Mom, someone at my school had a seizure today!"

"Really?" I asked. "Did you know them?"

"It was Anna's little sister. She's in 2nd grade. We were just playing on the playground and all of a sudden, she wasn't breathing. She was just lying there."

"You were playing with her?"

"No, I was playing with my best buddy, and then all of a sudden the teachers told everyone to go to the field to give the firemen room and stuff."

"Oh.... the firemen came? Was she okay?"

"Well they couldn't get her to respond or anything for a little while. The nurse covered her up with a blanket and held her to keep her warm. You know, I didn't even know what a seizure was until today. My little buddy told me," she said.

"So your application got accepted to be a best buddy?" I asked.

"Yep. I get to play with them on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

She went on to tell me some of their names and how they are just like everyone else, but they might need things explained to them a little bit more. She told me you can't bug them or overwhelm them and not to get too wordy with them. You must be patient and have fun with them, just like everyone else.

Now, I'm not really great at expressing the warm fuzzy feelings I often feel on the inside, but boy did I love hearing that. It just takes me back to when I was younger and how I remember feeling the same way.... I remember thinking, "If only I could get the rest of the people to feel the same way. I wish kids didn't make fun of each other."

I hope Taylor doesn't grow up carrying a burden to "fix" the world, but that she leads by example and from a deep motivation that goodness and kindness can go very far in life.... How do you find the balance.... the in-between? I'm not entirely sure....

(side note: hold on, let me catch my breath.... I'm sitting in my room typing this.... Asia is snoring on the floor next to me.... We both hear the front gate/latch open and clank. She growls and jumps up, as do I at the exact same time. I put my computer on the floor and make a mad DASH for the front door, because it's open and Asia's going to attack whoever is there (not really, but she is ferocious sounding and looking).... I tripped twice and almost fell flat on my face dodging through the hallway and hopping over the couch.... MAN that was a close call! It was 2 women.... Jehovah's witnesses.... um, didn't they see the pile of dog poop by the front gate? I didn't go outside and poop on the cement, so wouldn't the assume there is a dog here? Gutsy to open people's gates and just come on in.... thankfully Asia didn't get to the door before I did and thankfully they didn't make it all the way in.... and NOT because they're Jehovah's witnesses.... I don't like anyone I don't know coming to my door.)

okay, now back to my obsessive labeling and organizing of Taylor's room!!!