Thursday, August 19, 2010

for the love of all that's GOOD in this world.

i complain....
a lot....
i complain about how annoying my children are....
how Taylor doesn't like to take baths....
or how Lewie goes through diapers like a mad man....
i complain that it's sooooo hot outside and that it took over an hour to drop 5 degrees in the house running the A/C with everything closed up and dark....
i complain because even i get caught up in the midst of taking everything i have for granted....
i'll tell you, that a few years ago (well probably about 4 now), i began looking into going to Uganda.
I really REALLLLLLY wanted to go here....
with our church.
i wanted to find sponsors so that I could fly to Africa and help the people there....
now, i didn't know WHAT exactly I'd do there,
or what they would have me do.
i didn't know what i'd see,
what i'd be subject to....
i didn't care....
i wanted to go....
however, i was a mother now.... a single mother at the time....
and how could i just up and go for 11 days?
it didn't happen....
years later, i am still a mother....
of 2 now.
with a husband that i have never stayed a night apart from....
how difficult that would be for me....

but you know what is even more difficult??

THIS (<-- go ahead and click that link) is even more difficult than me being away from my family for 11 days....
please go check out that album.
one of my beautiful friends, Joy, journeyed to Africa....
she is a mother,
yet she made her way all the way to Africa to do whatever she could do in her time there....
i cried going through that entire photo album....

we think OUR life is hard here?
we think OUR jobs "suck?"
we complain about our water not being hot enough....
or not getting nice enough clothing....
what if you had NONE?!
what if you walked around with a bare bum, and bathed in a dirty lake??
what if you didn't have a job?
or money?
or running water?
or food?
or a mom or dad to raise you?
what if you were raised by your 10 year old brother because both of your parents died of AIDS? That's extremely common there, you know....
i would do ANYTHING to give them a better life....
i don't feel like I can make a big enough difference, but how wonderful it would be if I could just hold those little babies and rock them for a while....

The world needs more people like Joy (and Jill)....
sneak a peek at those pictures.... i don't think you'll be, at all, disappointed....

Saturday, August 14, 2010

like you.

you "don't give an 'f' "....
i don't give one either.
but i won't stand here waving
my middle finger.

the slaps aren't meant to smack you
right in the face.
they're meant to clear the air,
that's what i do in this place.

i relieve myself of the thoughts,
that cycle through my head,
of all the countless times i feared,
i would find you dead.

how 'bout the times you promised
you'd never say a word,
but went on and shared truth and lies,
i bet that's all a blur....

i don't harbor hate inside,
that's all started to subside.
i just feel more pain right now,
an emptiness.
a void somehow....
but a thought that
i use to hold,
my head up,
is,
that you're so bold....
that you don't care if you speak lies....
i just hope you'll realize....
that once the help is in your hands,
and you begin to understand,
there's a whole lot of love to be shared right here,
but all this starts when you look in the mirror....
and look beyond the face that you see there,
beyond the makeup,
behind the hair....
behind the brown eyes,
behind the glare...

you don't give an "f"
i don't give one either.
but i won't stand here waving
my middle finger....

like you.

Friday, August 6, 2010

16 days brings wonderful things.

you know.... i just can't help but to think about the beginning of our relationship....
and how we were engaged on day 16....
yes, after 16 days, we decided to get married....
and how i knew the entire world would think we were insane.

i often questioned my sanity as well....

but there are some times in life, when you just follow. your. heart....
when all the "reasons why" may never sound good enough to anyone else....
but they're good enough to you.
there are some things in life that just don't need reason,
for LOVE is reason enough.

16 days, was one of those times....

Jason is definitely one of those things....
those wonderful, WONDERFUL things.... =)