mr. crossword.

it's been a long while since i have written about the medical days....

and i guess because so many other things have come up in my life,

like school,

and a whole bunch of other stuff that i'm trying to keep under control and not go nuts like i normally do....

getting all wrapped up in EVERYTHING and forgetting about what i need to do at the moment....

which is school.

quick update:

-we've passed the halfway point for this history class. after 4 discussion board posts and 2 exams (1 midterm), i am currently at a 93.75%.... rockin' an A for a class i knew absolutely NOTHING about. i'm excited. i hope this good stuff continues.

-i cancelled my eye surgery last week. i was supposed to have it done this friday (the 25th).... there were a few small errors that they had made, which was not very comforting considering all i have left is very poor vision.... i can't go WITHOUT that.... i don't want to go without that.... so i stirred around in a bit of discomfort and uneasiness, and thought, "i'll just do it. this surgeon is really good," until his office called to "confirm" my surgery. they had me down for the wrong surgery on the wrong date. i told them, "no, that's not right. i changed the date, and the dr changed the procedure." so the guy rescheduled it for the RIGHT surgery and the RIGHT date, and then i called him back about 2 minutes later and cancelled. i figured it might be a sign that i'm just not supposed to get my eyes done right now.... alll the little errors they had made and then the biggest one of all.... i was done, for now. i'll look into other doctors after school is done. i don't have the time or energy to do all of that again. i was REALLY disappointed at first, but i'm okay with it at the moment.

now back to my medical days stuff....

i have been thinking about this one patient that i had who was diagnosed with AIDS. most of the time, i had only had patients with cancer, and this was the very first time i had a patient with aids.... i didn't know how to be. i felt all choked up and like i was seeing a cancer patient for the first time... what do you say? do you say you're sorry? will that offend them? how do you act? i felt pretty knowledgeable about the disease, but still felt like i didn't know enough. i feel like i blanked and started questioning the proper practices and such.

and then it hit me.... (like things normally do)....

i walked into his room, and he sat at the edge of his bed.

he was so skinny.

i had a big smile and introduced myself to him.

i honestly got that same feeling that i alllllways do with my patients.

i just wanted to hug him.

i just wanted to throw my arms around him and say, "it's gonna be all right!!!"

but i'm pretty certain he would have just thought i was crazy.

so i smiled.

he smiled.

we small talked a bit.

he asked to borrow a pen.

and i let him.

it was amazing to me, the things that the other nurses had said.

"don't take the pen back. just let him keep it."

"only go in there when you have to."

blah blah blah....

i felt like i wanted to go in there extra.

i felt like i wanted to keep popping in there to check on him.

give him extra company, because no one else was there.

and no one else was going in to check on him.

was it because i wanted to watch the nurses squirm?

maybe.

but even more so, it was because he was MY patient...

he was MY patient and he was going to be taken care of to my best ability on MY shift....

you know, when you work with lousy people, it just pushes you that much harder to do a better job.

i never understand why people are in jobs that they hate....

if you don't like what you do, then don't do it.

but i'll let you know,

that when you work in a HOSPITAL, it's because people need you!!!!

people are at an extremely vulnerable time,

and they. need. you.

yes you.

they need their family.

they need the staff.

they need compassion.

and human contact.

that young man needed someone to talk to about his crossword puzzle.

he needed a pen to do his crossword puzzle,

because no one came to visit him.

no one was there to BRING him a pen,

for his crossword puzzle.

he was sick.

he wasn't contagious....

i am glad i was there that day.

i feel so blessed that i was his person for those days....