walk me down the aisle....

my parents divorced when i was a year and a half.

i'm glad for that.

i'm glad for that because my parents were better apart.

and i'm glad because i don't remember it.

yes, i'm glad for that....

i'm glad for that because my dad remarried a WONDERFUL woman who is still my stepmom to this day, and he passed away 2 years and 4 months ago....

i think we are closer now than we have ever been before, even though she's still in Tennessee and i'm in cali....

i remember the night my mom went on her first date with my now stepfather....

she was getting ready in the bathroom and i walked in there and asked her where she was going....

"on a date," she said....

she was wearing jeans and a BIG baggy BUM equipment sweatshirt and putting her hair up in one of those jaws of life clips that go in your hair. doesn't sound really sexy, does it? but somehow she made it sexy....

she made it sexy and she ended snagging this man... or he snagged her, or whatever.... it ended up working out just right and exactly the way it was supposed to.... they've been together for almost 20 years now.... or like 16, but pretty darn close to 20....

i had a rocky relationship with my dad at times.... one of the most rocky being when i was in high school.... i remember breaking up with a long time boyfriend and one of his friends calling me a really bad name.... i was SOOOOO hurt and called my dad crying... it was really late cali time, which meant it was really REALLY late Tennessee time.... i remember getting his answering machine and trying to spit some words that made sense in my head out onto the machine.... i'm sure all he could hear was, "daaaaaad... *crying*sniffle*sniffle*asd;fadfjadfadsfjfa*crying*...." i remember he picked up the phone STARTLED and asking "what's wrong? what's wrong? i can't understand you when you're crying. so stop crying and tell me what's wrong...."

and so i sniffled one really hard sniffle and snorted like a quart of snot into my brain and tried to explain to him that i was just called a really bad name and it totally hurt my feelings and it wasn't true and well i was just trying to relay my pain to him.... and yeah.... he really wasn't going for it.... as painful as it felt, i was doing a HORRIBLE job getting that across to him.

so instead of the comfort i was originally looking and rather hoping for, his response was something like this, "is that what you called for? to tell me that someone called you a bad name? is it true?"

me: "no."

dad: "then why are you so upset about it? you can't call here in the middle of the night when i have to get up for work tomorrow. i thought something happened to ya." (he has a southern accent)

so, NOT getting the support that i was looking for, we hung up after i apologized and then i sat there feeling even more like crap.... this night was just terrible.... and i'd realized that NO ONE understood my feelings....

but there was my stepdad (and my mom who was pretty good at it, but we must not have been getting along at the time, or she wasn't home or something, i don't know why i didn't go to her).... now my stepdad.... he is a great great man.... he is a man that i admire and love with all of my heart....

i remember dreaming of my wedding day since i was little.... and i remember thinking about my dad walking me down the aisle, and then slowly came to the realization that he would likely not be around IF and whenever i DID decide to get married, because i was pretty certain that it was no where in my future.... (until i met jason).... HOWEVER, when i was younger, i remember asking my mom if she would wear a tuxedo and walk me down the aisle because she had always been "my dad".... and then when my stepdad came into the picture, i remember exactly where i was when i had asked him if HE would walk me down the aisle whenever i got married (mind you, i was really young).... we were driving down the freeway, passing a large park back in our old neighborhood.... i remember asking him if he would walk me down the aisle if i ever got married.... of course he accepted.... and gladly. he even said he'd be honored to.... wow. so glad that was resolved....

then.... december 6th, 2008 came.... it was my wedding day.... and i don't know WHY i hadn't thought much about who was going to walk me down the aisle.... in fact, there was only immediate family there and i wanted them to all be able to watch our wedding ceremony, so i had almost planned on walking MYSELF down the aisle.... (and my dad really was kind of there, because the necklace i'm wearing holds some of his ashes, how cool is that?.... oh and you can click on the pictures to see what i'm talking about... they get bigger)

i was standing in the back, ALMOST ready to go.... when i thought about asking my stepdad to come and walk me down the aisle, but i couldn't help but to think about years before that, being SUPER young and asking my mom to walk me down the aisle, and although i was feeling INCREDIBLY torn in the back, by myself, i asked the wedding planner if she could please go get my mother.... (who was already seated with my wonderful stepdad, and next to a picture of my father, who's in Heaven, and my lovely stepmother)....

i had a gazillion flashbacks of myself (as a child) and my mother and what an amazing woman she is and pretty much has been.... we had been through SOOOOO much together.... she was ALWAYS there supporting me.... even if she wasn't always the happiest person, or the most affectionate person, she ALWAYS had my back,(well, except when i ditched school and she told them that i was supposed to be at school so go ahead and do "whatever they needed to do" with me) and i knew that... i remember our agreement that SHE was going to walk me down the aisle and i couldn't go back on that.... she came back there to the back room and asked what i'd needed and i told her (trying to fight all my tears) that i wanted her to walk me down the aisle as we had originally planned years ago....

and we both got all watery eyed and of course she agreed.....

and the doors opened.... might i add, that this had to be THE greatest feeling in my life.... the most certain i'd ever been about anything in my life.... walking arm in arm with my mom, down an aisle that had rose petals dropped by the best daughter in the world (well next to me of course)....

down the aisle to the most handsome man i've EVER laid eyes on.... i mean, literally, my heart was skipping beats, or more like double beating when those doors opened.... my eyes INSTANTLY filled with tears.... and i had never been more certain about ANYTHING, than i was about walking down that aisle and promising to love that man for the very rest of my existence....

so, my mom walked me down the aisle, and gave me away.... i'm SO glad my last minute instincts (which i'm really good at... procrastinators are good at that last minute instinct stuff) kicked in and i'm SUPER glad she walked me down the aisle.... when i look back, maybe i should have had them BOTH walk me down the aisle, but then my side would have pretty much been empty (well there WERE other people there, but still).... i kinda wanted to see their faces when i came walking out, you know? but i didn't even look at their faces, because i was so focused on jason and not stepping or tripping on my dress.... and i was wondering where all the cameras were that were videotaping us and showing us live on the internet.... that made me kind of nervous but was so much better than walking down an aisle in front of like 250 people... i was totally famous, like in japan, tennessee, ohio, shoot.... i was a movie star for the night, (okay, so not really, but they COULD have watched).... =)

anyway.... here's a group picture.... a fun one. of our wedding night.... this picture holds my heart, for sure.

moments i love #2: brownies and welts.

tonight was another good laugh.

you know, jason and i love chocolate....

fart oo much. ha!

far too much....

to the point, that if it's in this house, it's getting eaten.

i don't care WHAT kind of diet you think we should be on, that chocolate is SO getting eaten.

well tonight....

i go into the kitchen after dinner, and thought i could sneak a sliver of brownie without him noticing.

well let me tell you something about my husband.

nothing, i repeat, NOTHING gets by my husband.

i thought i got away with the sliver, and decided to sneak another....

when i hear pig noises coming from the living room....

it took a second to register, but once i was stuffing my face with the second sliver (yes SLIVER) of brownie, it hit me that he was making PIG NOISES from the living room.

i looked out and asked, "are you making PIG noises at me?"

he just started laughing hysterically.

it made me laugh too.

it reminded me of my dad.

and i laughed super hard.

so i get a big glass of water (to make me feel better about eating 2 SLIVERS of brownie), and i come into the living room.

just as i walk IN to the living room, he walks OUT of the living room and into the KITCHEN.

i begin making pig noises without even seeing what he's doing, because i KNOW he's going for those brownies (mind you, i'd already brought him a PIECE, not even a sliver, but a PIECE of brownie.... a CORNER piece too.... those are his favorite)

so he comes walking back out into the living room with 2 more pieces of brownies.

he tripped on something and fell onto the couch, where he started CRACKING up and INHALED a piece of brownie.

he's grabbing his chest, laughing soooo hard, and when he can finally breathe again, (although still laughing) he says "i didn't even get to TASTE that bite, i need another piece!!!" and he is laughing soooo hard again....

i'm laughing, so hard to the point my eyes are watery.

i asked, "what did you trip on?"

he says, "i have no idea. something just jumped out and bit me!"

and he INSISTS that he didn't even get to TASTE that piece of brownie, so he DEFINITELY deserves another one.

we love chocolate.

that's a given.

we love each other.

that's also a given.

i sure hope that our love for each other is stronger, because i have a feeling we're going to be old and fat and still eating chocolate brownies....

oh and while i was cooking dinner tonight, jason comes in the kitchen and wraps his arms around my waist... he kisses the back of my neck and pulls my shirt down (in the back, you pervert! to look at my back.... this goes hand in hand with the welts i've been getting for whatever reason lately....)

he softly kisses the back of my neck and whispers in my ear, "is that a welt on your back honey, or are you just happy to see me?"

immediately killed the chills down my arms, and had me busting out in laughter....

i love laughing with my husband.

it's such a wonderful remedy.

such a wonderful, wonderful remedy.

moments i love #1: a good laugh.

so last night jason and taylor were watching america's funniest videos.

i was far too antsy to sit down and watch or go to bed, so i decided to make brownies. so i went into the kitchen and closed the little slider door (you know the ones that like come out of the wall?) yeah, so that sliding door was closed and it was just asia (our dog) and i in the kitchen. we could make as much or as little noise as we wanted without interrupting their tv watching.

so i'm making brownies and was just going to surprise them.

i cracked egg #1 into the bowl when all of a sudden BAM AHHHH!

jason was banging on the sliding door while opening it and absolutely scared the LIFE out of me.

i'm pretty sure my face (or ALL of me) turned white and i jumped towards the kitchen sink (and window), and although i have absolutely NO idea where i was going, i knew i was going somewhere.

fight or flight.

i was fleeing the brownie making scene!

he laughed SOOOO incredibly hard (he and taylor both).

literally, he sat on the couch holding his chest from laughing so hard.

i held my chest too, but that's because i thought i'd suffered a mild heart attack.

my eyes were watering from laughing so hard! (and maybe crying a little)

ugh!

i HATE being so scared like that!

but it made for a good laugh for everyone.

taylor says "dad, next time we gotta videotape mom and send it to america's funniest videos."

thanks for the support T!

anyway.... Taylor and lewie go to bed. jason's out in the living room, lying on his stomach.

i went and lied on his back and told him (in the sweetest voice possible) to do pushups with me on his back. i was tickling his neck, and annoying him beyond words.... he couldn't stop laughing and everytime he'd turn his head, i'd whisper in his other ear. "come on honey. do pushups."

he acted like he couldn't breathe (or maybe he really wasn't acting).... he said "i.... can't.... breathe.... " lol. it made me laugh.... so i got off of him and laid on my stomach next to him and said, "come on honey, do pushups with me." he said "i can't. my wrist." (he broke his wrist years ago right before going on a surfing trip. BUMMER!) his wrist still bothers him today. =(

so the oven goes off and he jumps up and we both go to the kitchen and cut little slices of brownies and eat them. he then goes for seconds. i said, "honey, we should really work out together." he looks at me, and asks "you mean, instead of eating (*stuffs his face with the brownies*) brownies in the kitchen together?"

we just laughed so hard.

oh it was one of those moments you just had to be there.... his timing was perfect as he shoved the 2nd helping of brownies and edges in to his mouth.... i love my husband.

i really do.

i think we'd have a lot of fun working out together....

if we could just find some time to do that.... that'd be fantastic!

oh and new bikes would be even better....

so... i guess new bikes are what's up next!

to many more treasured and shared laughs with my lovely husband. =)

From the left side of our bed....

From the left side of our bed, which sits closer to the door, I can smell the aroma of the italian sausages cooking in the kitchen.... I can hear the faint clanking sounds of cupboards closing, the oven buttons beeping, the air conditioner roaring.... I can hear the soft breaths of my little man, interrupted every now again with little coos.... It's amazing how long you can sit and stare at a newborn baby, who really never changes what he does, but somehow manages to keep your eyes locked on him the entire day.... Hours at a time.... Your eyes glued to his every move, blink, coo, movement, smile, frown, squirm.... Life is amazing!!!!


You know, its amazing what got us up to this point.... I precisely remember the night we decided we wanted to add to our family.... It's not something you really want to talk about, because the second you mention "we started trying," you probably immediately get the image of 2 people doing it.... Which, I'm sure, is not an image you want to think about.... Soooo anyway.... As I was saying.... I precisely remember the night we decided we wanted to add to our little family.... I remember that night and the 4 weeks that followed.... And the first positive pregnancy test we had before I had even skipped a period. (Again, probably not another though you'd care to hear) shift your thoughts, would ya? We are talking about LIFE here!!!! We are talking about this funky little sea monkey 2 inch creature, that somehow magically turned into a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL baby boy!!!!



I hear Jason's voice in the living room, exchanging words with Michelle (my sister).... When I hear his voice, and his laugh, it brings tears to my eyes.... Besides the fact that I'm a raging hormonal, milk producing machine, I'd also like to give the very truthful credit where it's deserved. I love that man! More than I ever believed it to be possible.... More than I ever believed you could love another human being.... I love him that much!!!! I can't imagine the thought or a day without him. I can't imagine my life without him, and not just because you grow used to someone, but because you genuinely LOVE, adore, appreciate, and enjoy their company....


You know, I never wanted to be in a compromised position with my health, but this pregnancy was a trying time for us.... Even now.... I shower on a 2 step, step stool with a towel under me.... Every single day, he helps me undress and step into the shower, washes my back and holds the showerhead almost the entire time to make sure all of me is kept warm.... Stepping out of the shower is sometimes terribly painful, but his hands are there every time.... With 2 towels, ready to dry me off, and dress me.... It's a very humbling feeling, standing there cold and naked with a much less than attractive body and a scar across your stomach covered in small clear tape strips, in front of your husband, who found you so amazingly attractive before.... It's a humbling feeling holding onto his shoulders as he dries my legs and feet, (with soft litle kisses on my knees) telling me how much he loves me and how strong I am.... How strong IIII am??? I think HE'S the strong one!!! My eyes have filled with tears on so many occasions, including this one right now, because of the undying love we continue to share.... Our vows replay over and over in my head.... When I stood there looking into his eyes, and feeling every single word I was saying to him with all of my heart.... "In sickness and in health...." He meant it, just as much as I did.... We made this decision to bring this amazingly beautiful little boy into this world, without all the thoughts and expectations of a difficult pregnancy and even harder recovery.... But our vows and equal commitment to see it through, is exactly why I can't imagine being any other place than right where I am now.... Right here.... On the left side of our bed.... Listening to coos, soft breaths, smelling italian sausages, hearing his voice and his laugh in the distance.... Jason Raymond King, I hope you know you alone are reason enough to fight through anything that comes our way.... You and our "babies" are every single reason why I will never give up on anything in life!!!!