Update on Jason.

Thank you for those kind people who were thinking of us while I was busy absolutely freaking out about my husband not quite feeling all of his face and our little visit to the neurologist.

Neurologist isn't terribly concerned about it right at this moment, because he hadn't had it for too long and his entire visit with everything else checked out okay, though he definitely does need to do bloodwork.... However, since he's been working a ton (and 6 days a week), he hasn't gone in to do that yet... SO, that's that.  The other day, he bit his cheek pretty hard and now has a canker sore which has since distracted him. His face is still pretty much the same, as far as feeling goes, but he is keeping a symptom chart, to see when it is its worst and such and we'll go from there.  I would say, we are okay for now.  THANK YOU ALL!

Who cares about the what ifs? .... Well, I guess I do....

Jason's gonna kill me. He is such a private guy.  He doesn't share a whole lot and he has nothing to do with the internet.  But he married me.  The woman who has no filter or pause between her brain and mouth.

First off, let me start this by saying I am NOT, in any way, shape, or form, looking for any amount of sympathy with this post.  I guess I turned here because when I'm scared shitless, I turn to my husband and since it's my husband that has me scared, I turned to here.... (and my mom and stepmom), but that's it....

You've got to know a little bit about Jason. He can push through damn near anything.  It doesn't matter if he is sick.... fever.... puking his intestines out of his nostrils.... He'll still show up to work.

He'll take dayquil and say he's fine.... Even when I know he's not.

I feel like these past four years of me being so used to him saying, "I'm fine," or "I'll be fine," has almost made me immune to when something isn't right.... he'll say, "my eye is twitching."  My response is usually just, "oh. okay."  I don't usually ask any other questions, or ask him if he's okay, or how long it has been doing it, because I used to do all that.... and it drove him nuts.  He wanted to just let it go.  He would always tell me that he wasn't telling me something so that I could fix it, rather just making a statement, or stating a fact.

I got used to hearing his comments, but not really conversing with him about them.   Until recently....

Jason has come a long, long way during our 4 years of marriage.  In the very beginning, he seemed like a great communicator, and that's probably because it was the very beginning and we were just getting to know each other, so pretty much everything he said to me was new, and I felt like, "oh wow! You explained that great!" buuuuuut, we also were engaged after 16 days and married after 2 months, so the likelihood that we really knew each other really well.... is... well, highly unlikely.  BUT, there is not a single moment or thing that I regret with Jason.  I guess the we both just KNEW that we were both equally committed and serious about making it work.... How the rest worked out? I have absolutely no idea.  It just did.  We just aren't the type to give up.

Anyway, I don't want to get too off track here.  Bottom line is, about a week ago, he mentioned something about his face feeling weird.  I chalked it up to it being one of those weird twitch things that he gets sometimes when he's stressed, and didn't say much else about it.  He mentioned it a few other times. He asked me if one side felt different than the other, or if it looked different to me.  It didn't. It didn't feel different, nor did it look any different to me.  And now, in the complete silence of the early evening, sitting on my bed, waiting for him to come home, I'm wondering if there was something I missed.  Did one side really FEEL different than the other and I somehow missed it?

He called me yesterday morning while he was at work.  He asks, "Can you call and get me an appointment for the dr for today?"  
"For what time?" I asked.
"Whatever they have. I'll make it," he said.
I knew it was really bothering him now.

I called and got him an appointment for 2 pm yesterday afternoon.
Jason went in, by himself, as I was home with all the kids.
He came home in his work clothes just like every other day and went about his business, doing the dishes and settling down.  The (extra) kids got picked up and I finally had a moment to think clearly, but I still didn't.
I was sitting at the computer, looking at the amortization schedule calendar, figuring out how much less interest we'd be paying if we continued to make additional monthly payments on our house as we have been.... I'm sitting here, deep in thought.... "Well if we go with this streamline loan offer, and take the interest rate down one percent.... then that saves us x amount of money each month..... now if we pay.... " blah blah blah, you get the point. It was so stupid! Who cares about all of these freakin "what if" situations when my husband has a funny feeling in his face and he's just standing there quietly doing the dishes and I don't even know what the hell is going on?!

Well, I'll tell you who cares about the "what if" situations.... It's me.  I do.....
I care about all of the what if situations, because since we sat down and talked, it's all I can think about..... The doctor gave him a referral to a neurologist, because he was completely honest with Jason.  "My last patient who had what you're explaining, waited too long. He had a tumor that was growing behind his ear and ended up severing the nerve in his face." and blah blah blah is all I heard after he said the word tumor.

OF COURSE, he was not saying that my husband HAS a tumor, but brought up the chance that he just might.... and the fact that he just might, is absolutely NOTHING I want to hear about.... I mean, of course I want to know, because I will be that damn annoying patient's family, standing there with a notebook and a pen, asking questions and writing down the answers.... I'll be the annoying wife, standing at Jason's side, ensuring he's getting all of his proper medications, measuring his intake and output, changing his sheets and everything else annoying that you could possibly imagine.  I don't care at what age, as long as I am able, I will be that wife that won't leave his side no matter how painful it will be for me.... I KNOW it sounds like I'm putting a death sentence on my husband. GOD, that's not what I'm doing.... I have this tendency to often imagine how horrible things CAN be and how great we DO have things, and that is what drives me to appreciate people far more than I do at times.... I get all weepy at the thought of my mom passing away one day, and it makes me want to pack up my car, and go stay at her house for days at a time (but I don't, because anything over an hour with Lewie would drive ANYONE insane).... It makes me want to plan spa days with her.... manicures and pedicures.... it makes me want to do things that will make her smile.... Things that make me really appreciate and enjoy her company.... I do this often with my husband and kids.... I get caught up in these moments.... and I get lost in them.... Last night was one of those moments for me.... Everyone went to bed.... everyone except myself.... and Lewie... Lewie asked me multiple times, "momma can you come in your bed so we can get warm and snuggle next to daddy?"

"Give me another minute, buddy," I said, as I held up one finger over my laptop.  "One more minute, buddy. I'm almost done."

I could feel the crinkle between my eyebrows as I'd searched for neurologists.  How the hell do you search for a good neurologist?

I haven't the slightest clue, but I called the one our doctor referred and another one my mother has seen before for all of her brain scans.  My mom's neurologist retired over a year ago. bleh.
The other one had a voice mailbox for his receptionist.  So I left all of our information and asked for a call back.  I wanted to at least get him in.  I want him to have all of the tests done and if we don't like this guy's opinions, we can take those results and tests and go somewhere else for another opinion and this way, it would buy me time to research some more neurologists.... so that's what I did.
I called and made him an appointment.  I called him and asked if there was any way he would be able to make a mid-morning appointment for tomorrow and he seemed hesitant.  There are VERY few things or times I have ever veto'd anything in our marriage, actually only one other time I veto'd something and wasn't willing to budge, and this was going to be the 2nd time if he decided to disagree.... I was all ready to debate.... but his response sort of surprised me.

"Is your work day really busy tomorrow?" I asked.
"What's that question for?" He asked back.
"Do you think you'd be able to make an 11:15 am doctor's appointment?"
"For what?"
"The neurologist. If you can't go tomorrow, then you can't get in until the 19th."
He said, "I don't know. Let me think about it."

So I called the receptionist back and told her to book us for the 19th because he didn't know if he could make it tomorrow and their office was getting ready to close.

Two minutes later, Jason calls me back and said, "Go ahead and book it for tomorrow."
So I called back and waited on hold for 8 minutes to get him the appointment for tomorrow morning.

So, although I'm hoping they tell him something like, "oh you pulled a muscle grunting too hard," or something lame like that... That's what I'm hoping for.... What I'm hoping for is that I will never have to face the scariest journey of ever having to mentally prepare for losing Jason.... I haven't EVER put my heart into anyone else the way I have with my children and Jason.... I absolutely ADORE my husband more than I could ever even attempt to put into words....

So, if you will, I ask that you please keep Jason in your thoughts and prayers.

Also keep all of the doctors in your prayers too.... because they have to deal with me.... the crazy, ADD wife who carries a notebook and pen with her, everywhere she goes, as to not forget her thoughts, questions and answers....

I'll be back again soon! <3 p="">

there's a first time for everything.

We have been together for three years now, and haven't been away, not even for a night together (except in Vegas, when we got married) but even then, we had room crashers....

I've been bugging Jason for three years to go somewhere with me.... Nothing was working, so in a desperate attempt, I said, "either go away with me this weekend, or we are getting a divorce."

Hello San Diego. You sure are beautiful!

The view from our room. Believe it or not, it was really nice. There was a guy sitting in the park below, playing his trumpet. Pretty cool. =)
Handsome hubby getting ready to go walk the streets of the gaslamp district that night. =)
My heart was saying, "yes, yes, yes!!!!" my jeans were saying, "no, no, NO!"

I told our waiter that this was our very first night away from the kids in THREE YEARS!!!! I'm not sure who had more to drink, Jason or the chef.... "Co-gratulations to our first night away" (from Jimmy Loves) YUM! We had an awesome artichoke dip, salad, shared a Kobe beef burger and a bottle of wine. They just surprised us with this dessert.
And being the hillbilly pigs that we are.... here was our dessert plate 30 seconds later. ;)
I absolutely HATE self portraits, but I wanted to remember this night for three reasons. 1. I pierced my schnoz. 2. I actually found a hat BIG enough to fit my ginormous head. and 3. it was our FIRST night away from the kiddos since we've been together! =)
Yes, this picture is super blurry, but the stairs across the street were all lit up. There was a couple holding hands and kissing. It was pretty stinkin romantic. These were the stairs at the Convention Center. The next morning, after we got our Starbucks, we walked up those stairs and sat overlooking the bay. It was really nice and the weather was PERFECT!
Typical asian tourist. haha, minus my peace sign and fanny pack. ;) This was on our way back to the hotel from our morning walk.
The hubby's not a big hand holder.... but I still hold his hand. ;)
After our morning walk and coffee, we went up on the roof to the pool.... and drank a few strawberry daiquiris.... at 1030 am.... and sat in the sun.... and the weather was PERFECTLY amazing!!!!!
It was a much needed night away.... Very grateful for this time to reconnect.... what have YOU guys been up to? I need to catch up!

16 days brings wonderful things.

you know.... i just can't help but to think about the beginning of our relationship....

and how we were engaged on day 16....

yes, after 16 days, we decided to get married....

and how i knew the entire world would think we were insane.

i often questioned my sanity as well....

but there are some times in life, when you just follow. your. heart....

when all the "reasons why" may never sound good enough to anyone else....

but they're good enough to you.

there are some things in life that just don't need reason,

for LOVE is reason enough.

16 days, was one of those times....

Jason is definitely one of those things....

those wonderful, WONDERFUL things.... =)

stumped.

(jason's work boot insoles)

i'm pretty sure i found out why jason's knees bother him all the time....

i mean, i can't say for sure, but i'm just taking a wild guess....

Happy Father's Day, a little late.

i am fortunate to have a few good men in my life.

most of all, i am thankful for the wonderful memories created with them.

the memories are all very different with each of them....

First of all, to my Daddy-o (is what i called him a lot when he was alive)....

there are many wonderful memories we had together.

and those are the ones i'll hold onto.

your sense of humor and your belly-shakin laugh are probably the 2 that stand out the most....

sitting and laughing with you was something that would NEVER grow old to me....

i've chosen a man with a wonderful sense of humor and often, he reminds me of you....

you were strict.

you were far.

you were difficult,

but you were funny.

i remember you teaching me how to play the harmonica, and choking on my gum while playing "oh susanna."

i remember going to putt putt golf and probably spending $500 so we could win tickets on "wheel em in," so we could get that talking parrot.... only so you could have the bird repeat over and over again, "ashley farted. ashley farted." thanks dad!

you never went to bed without kissing us good night (when we would visit you),

and you never let me start my day without a hug and a kiss good morning.... NEVER! even into my adult years, you ALWAYS asked for a hug and kiss at night and in the morning....

and you'd wake us up, 5 hours before we had to leave to go anywhere, playing that stupid marine's song that they would play over the loud speaker to wake you up in bootcamp (not even going to attempt to spell it because i'm certain i'll butcher it).... you'd play that song with your mouth, as if you were playing a trumpet.... and i STILL, to this day, HATE that song whenever i hear it and i just imagine the sound of the bedroom door opening, KNOWING you were coming in to wake us up.... and i'd act like i was sleeping as long as i could, to prevent myself from chucking my pillows at your head....

speaking of your head, one of my very last memories i have were helping shave your head when i saw you last.... you finally gave in, and had us shave your head because you could no longer do it yourself.... i remember touching your soft head at your funeral, just waiting for your eyes to open and for your chest to rise again....

you didn't....

it didn't.

and i still miss you....

to my father-in-law.... Mr. Steve King.

a go-getter, take-care-of-business man,

he made my husband.....

now i don't know whether to love you or hate you for that....

so i think i'll go with love you for it. ;)

for raising 4 children on your own for so many years,

and never giving up on them....

you've shown the kids what a hardworker is and you've always given them your best.

i'm appreciative of that....

to the man whose respect i earned after having a talk with him about marriage and how i just didn't have an answer that he'd be happy with....

for all the cards he's been dealt in his life, and for still managing to push along forward....

he's got a good heart.

Happy father's dad, Steve/Grandpa!

to my Poppa....

to the man who came into my life when i was just 9 years old.... almost 20 years ago....

to the man who stayed after i stuffed bloomers with a pair of socks and acted a fool that young....

he came back....

for my mom....

he came back....

for us....

(maybe he knew that if he didn't come back, we didn't stand a chance) ;)

for whatever reason, he came back.

and my life,

our lives,

were NEVER the same....

he has ALWAYS stayed true to himself, his beliefs and his feelings....

he is a strong, STRONG man, who was dealth many blows in his life....

and continued to pick himself up....

he's loved my mom,

for so many years,

through thick and thin.

through good and bad (now it's just good)....

he's supported me during times i didn't feel like i even deserved to be supported,

he supported and loved me then.

he's loved us always.

he hasn't only been a wonderful father,

he's been an amazing grandfather too....

he's been an amazing role model,

showing a man with a great deal of patience,

acceptance,

and a WONDERFUL sense of humor.

(he thinks he's really funny, but he's really not)

i'm totally kidding.

he is a man that EVERY single person loves once they've met him

(and i'll even bet, he's won a few hearts in this blogging world, and ya'll don't even know him in real life)

he's a big huge teddy bear (don't be offended poppa... big huge as in cuddly and lovey, not fat) ;)

i love him dearly.

i give thanks for him daily.

Happy Father's day to one of the most amazing men i am lucky enough to know, to have and to love!

I love you poppa.

.... and last, but certainly not least,

my dear Jason.

the world throws so much our way,

and we have learned to laugh together....

we've learned how important our relationship is,

and continue to learn how to nurture it....

together....

i crawl into bed every single night, next to you....

how did i EVER become so lucky?

you are one of the most stubborn souls i've known,

but i love you anyway....

your heart,

your everlasting patience....

i don't know how you do it....

you work hard every, single day,

so that we'll never go without....

(or because if you stayed home with us, we'd drive you absolute bonkers!!!)

you were a daddy from the start!

you've given our life a much deeper meaning (T's and mine)....

you've given her routines of nightly hugs and kisses and kisses goodbye every single day....

(it warms my dysfunctional little heart and reminds me of my dad) ;)

you've given me a little mini daddy,

(you guys even have matching butts!!!)

you've taught me more in these few short years, than i've ever learned from another....

and the best part of all, is we're partners....

i'll never forget the moment you said, "i don't like to share.... i don't want to share you." and you pulled me close.....

i didn't expect the pitter patters in my heart to last this long, but they're still there....

i do still melt when you hold me.

i do get all teary eyed when we talk.

i think about the day we said our vows,

my pregnancy,

our babies....

i love watching you enjoy the kids more and more....

you truly are such a wonderful blessing that i'm EXTREMELY grateful for....

today and every. single. day.

i love you.... quite possibly more than you'll ever know....

Happy father's day to the men who have filled my life with lots of good times, laughs and sooo much love! =)

cheeks.

so ya'll know I had my wisdom teeth removed on Friday.

and the stink and swelling are slowly going away....

but not without melting my headboard last night (per Jason).

and not without Lewie making the farting noise in my face, as if to tell me he was not kissing my butt.... although it was my face....

and the swelling.... just looks funny.

looks like I'm hoarding nuts in my mouth....

....like a squirrel, you perv.

so tonight i go to put Lewie's laker sweats on for bed.

jason yells, "noooooo!!!! those are his laker pants.... for tomorrow night!!!!"

i THROW the pants across the living room, dramatically, and yell back, "THEN GET ME A PAIR of sweats he CAAAAAN wear!!!!!!!"

he gets up in my face and says, "don't give me attitude!!!! i'll smack those fat cheeks of yours!!!! and NOT the ones you're sitting on either!!!"

buuuuuuurrrrrnnnnn....

Real (bedtime/dirty) Talk.

I stood in the bathroom, in our bedroom, getting ready for bed.... This consists of slipping into my ultra sexy drawstring plaid pants and memphis tigers t-shirt, removing my contacts and brushing my teeth....

Me: I think I have gas.

Jason: what does that have to do with me?

Me: in case I accidentally fart in my sleep....

Jason: why don't you accidentally go sleep on the couch?

i could have cut his achilles tendon.

i'm not even joking.

our new yard wraps around the house like a big "U"....

there are 2 gates. one at each tip of the "U."

and our house is in the middle.

well asia runs around that whole U, multiple times a day. she usually likes the side that our front door is on. yes our front door is on the side of our house and you have to go through the front gate to get to it. it's kind of a different set up, but i really like it. ANYWAY....

the OTHER side of the U is where we have the huge side yard and where we line up the trashcans. it's the side of the garage and the other patios and such. i can't explain it very well (which is the REAL reason i'm not a teacher.)...

anyway, as soon as i find a way to make little pictures on my computer, i will, or perhaps i'll draw a picture and scan it and post it on here. then you will be able to see why i am not an artist either.

anyway, back to the gate story....

jason left the side gate open (the one with the trashcans) and let the dog out without checking the gates. i don't know when he did this or how long she was out before we realized, BUT, he was leaving to go to home depot and while he was driving down the street to get onto the main street, he sees asia trotting back towards our house from the BUSY street.... UGH!

it is a SUPER busy intersection and the speed limit is like 50 which means people go like 65 or 70.... she would have been road kill if she stepped foot onto that main street.... i wonder if she got to the main street and thought "oooh! i might not eat if i go out this way." i wonder what she thought when she got out there that kept her from heading away from us, but back to us instead.... i just wonder.

now my stepdad will tell you that she didn't think anything because he thinks dogs are stupid, but something brought her back here.... and whatever it is, i'm glad....

i bet she thought, "if i don't go home, mom's gonna cut dad's achilles tendons," which in fact she would have been right.

i probably would have....

four play.... for play.... foreplay....

FOUR PLAY: last night, all four of us went to dinner. (Jason, Taylor, Lewie and myself) We joked around the table, ate a really good meal and got good use out of ONE of the MANY gift cards we have been stashing in our underwear drawers for quite some time now. (do not break in to our home and try to steal our gift cards from our underwear drawer, because I have since moved them since this post). ;) I held Lewie while trying to eat my "street style mini steak tacos" and everytime I'd put the food to my mouth, Lewie would open his mouth too and lean his face in to my taco.... so i ended up letting him munch on 2 pieces of steak and a grilled onion.... gave him some of my ice water and lemon, and we all enjoyed the heck out of watching him enjoy "real" food.... too much fun....

FOR PLAY: Jason and taylor go on and on about how grumpy mom is (not me, some other mom).... that's "for play." Jason throws a sweater across the room and it lands on Lewie's head and covers his eyes. He cannot see and begins to grunt. (that's "for play").... I hear Lewie crying in the middle of the night, and continue to snore and drool and act like I am sleeping so that jason will get up and help Lewie get settled back into some slumber.... that is "for play."

which leads me in to my next example of "foreplay."

you ask a man his definition of "foreplay" and he'll give you something that might make you really uncomfortable (or really comfortable if you're a freak), depending on who you are.... you ask a woman her definition of the word, and it's (usually) entirely different!

So we get to talking last night, and i think there is a HUGE difference and understanding that men and women need to come to.....

MEN.... our idea of this definition is usually mental on some level, and although you THINK we are mental, i'm not referring to that kind of mental. Our closeness (usually) comes from feeling close to our husbands on that level. Good conversation about all sorts of different stuff, all night, can lead to me feeling close to my husband. A nice massage, or noticing a few things I've done.... that's nice.... noticing that when you left for work this morning and the house was a complete disaster and that when you came home, the house was much cleaner, the floors were vacuumed, the laundry done and the bed is made.... noticing that, is nice (you don't need to go overboard, just a little mention and/or appreciation....) that's nice.... suggesting a date night.... that's nice.... being in a good mood, while doing something you both really don't want to do, like cleaning the house (see movie "The Break Up" for example) .... that's nice too.... i can go on and on.... it's these super goober-tastic things that can REALLY make a woman feel nice and WANT to be close to you in the ways that YOU probably want to be close to her....

WOMEN.... i don't know where to help you here... i'm still working on this one myself. haha. Men are (usually) more playful than the women.... not always, but usually.... our definitions of the word are so incredibly different, that i DO understand why many people end up sleeping with their backs to each other.... their wants are ENTIRELY different (usually)....

so jason and i played this game last night (and i had SO much fun with my husband, not in that way, you perv!).... we were straightening the house together, when he picks up my starbucks cup and takes it to the kitchen.... "is this foreplay, honey?" he asks as he rinses it out and throws it away.... this game goes on all night, and we are laughing hysterically at some of the things the other one is doing....

just brought me to some odd conclusion (and a great idea that i'm not entirely convinced i know how to communicate comfortably yet), that our ideas of "closeness" are entirely different.... we both have some bending to do to bring the other one in....

the main point of this blog...is no, not to seduce men by ANY means.... (and i'm sure i haven't done that at ALL, haha) but the main point is, "men.... just step up your game for your wives...."

(jason's got it down now).... that's right.... clean out that cup, shake your tail while vacuuming, put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket... squeegy (sp?) down that shower.... uh huh, you've got it! do your thang boy!!!

this makes for some VERY happy women....

dreaded topic in our household: money.

i hate the topic.

i can spend it like no other,

but i HATE the topic.

hate it with a passion.

i married a saver (which is awesome)

he married a spender (which is unawesome).

BUT, i can say that i have become SO much better....

so much better that I have even started a budget on iWork.

i started filling in all the dollar amounts last night, because he really has no interest in this whatsoever....

i am filling this in and realizing, how EXPENSIVE life is....

you really just don't realize how much money everything costs... (or where you spend it)

you just spend it as needed (or in my case, as wanted), and it's *poof* gone, never to be seen again....

ugh.

i dread the topic.

i do.

and this is one thing, that, until there is a strict budget we are working off of, (or i learn to control my emotions), it'll always upset me....

we have a good idea....

but as for now, that's what it remains...

an idea...

money.

ugh.....

quit breathing, you're fogging up the windows....

"would you quit breathing? you're fogging up the windows..."

when i really meant to ask, "would you quit talking?"

i didn't mean for him to go and die on me now....

heck, he's the light of my life.

the sunshine in my day.

the apple of my eye.

or whatever else they say....

he's all of that good stuff.

i'll just say, "he's the chocolate of my life." (now THAT'S some good stuff !!!! speaking of chocolate, i just found a 1 lb see's candy gift certificate in my underwear drawer. YESSSSSS!!!!!)

so last night, we went to a wonderfully stuffing sushi dinner.

i ate so much, in fact, i could feel sushi backing up into my esophagus....

to try to push the sushi down, i thought a sliver of cake might help, but then i realized my stuffed esophagus was very much like a clogged toilet and that adding MORE toilet paper (or cake) to a clogged toilet (or esophagus) was only going to worsen or overflow the situation....

thankfully i didn't hurl.

(and thankfully he didn't either.)

he must have said "cheers", well let's just say, far more than i can ever remember him "cheers"ing anyone before....

he was having a good time.

and i felt torn.

there was the motherly (aka Godly, bossy, spazzy, crazy, controlling wife) side of me that wanted to say "there now. you've had enough."

and then there was this other side of me, that, (again in this relationship, just sat back and let the man make his own decisions) enjoyed seeing him so happy. he wouldn't stop smiling. this week has been a good one, i tell you.

jason is a hard man to buy gifts for.

he owns very little, but tells you he has all he needs and/or wants....

you think you'll surprise him with something, but chances are he won't like it or he won't be able to enjoy it because, if you've spent even a dollar on it, you've already spent too much.

wellllll, i made up my mind, that his care for money needed to go out the window and i wasn't going to listen to his voice in my head that i normally do when i get him a gift, because, by golly, i was going to get him a gift and make his birthday special this year.

so.... made a great dinner (slow cooked a pot roast all day with some potatoes and carrots) which turned out great (thanks mom for the seasoning and coffee idea! ) baked some homemade chocolate chip cookies ("from scratch cookies", as jason likes to call em) he LOVES these by the way.... we got him a mountain bike for his birthday this year. we'd all like to get out more, and, well the next big holiday that would call for any kind of larger gift giving would be either our anniversary or Christmas, which (both) would be in December, and well far beyond the sunny days of wanting to actually get outside and ride a bike (the summertime!).... so it was necessary that we make the "bike purchase" now... only, i don't have a bike either, so do i buy us BOTH bikes? well then if i did that, i'd be spending probably about 500 bucks and if i bought myself a bike, then it really wasn't like a birthday present for HIM.... anyway, borrowing mom's old one until we figure that part out. woo hoo. (thanks, again, mom!)....

so last night.... sushi dinner.... with the rest of our families.... combined. a bunch of people.... lots of talking, and laughing and pictures and just a good time. and then there was Lewie.... who fought like heck to be a good boy.... but he struggled. he was tired. he wanted his bed. he didn't like the noise from the other parties that joined the place at some point during the night.... lewie's arching his back, screaming his little head off. his face is BRIGHT red, and he is just NOT a happy camper. but over all the noise, jason couldn't hear it. he was at the other end of the table, laughing and chatting with everyone. (i LOVE to see my husband this happy, by the way) so that "motherly" side of me that wanted to call it a night, was a bit overpowered by the side of me who is thankful for a husband like him. he never goes out, never spends any time with his friends, and if you ask him, that's the way he wants it.... to be home with us rather than out at some bar that he's spent the last 10 years at.... (or maybe he's just saying what he thinks i want to hear?) either way, i'm grateful, that i NEVER wonder where my husband is.... i NEVER go to sleep alone... i NEVER have to wonder if he's driving under the influence of anything. i am just grateful. very, very grateful.

he enjoyed himself last night, as did i.

i enjoyed watching him socialize with everyone.

i baked a yellow cake (with CHOCOLATE frosting) and took that with us to the japanese restaurant and at some point after our sushi stuffing fest, we decided we'd better sing happy birthday to Jason.

well the ENTIRE restaurant decides to sing happy birthday, and by "the entire restaurant" i mean "the ENTIRE restaurant"....

someone even shut all of the lights off and the only thing lit was his cake.

it was awesome!

and when everyone cheered after the singing, someone flickered the lights on and off while the ENTIRE restaurant clapped and roared and whistled....

now, my husband....

he's a quiet guy.

a shy guy, don't-go-big, i'm-not-a-birthday, kind of guy....

but he was loving it....

even i could see that.

and THAT is a wonderful feeling....

we wrapped it up shortly after the cake part, and headed to the truck.

he gets in the truck and looks over at me and softly says "i love you baby."

i didn't know if he was talking to Lewie or to me (taylor went home with my mom and poppa a little bit earlier)....

i looked over at him and he was just smiling at me....

he told me i was his most favorite person in the entire world....

his most favorite person ever....

ever ever ever....

it made me smile....

i wanted to acknowledge him and go on about how much i love him and how much he is MY favorite person in the world, but didn't want to interrupt his "i love you so much" speech....

so i let him go on....

he'd say it again , "you're my favorite person in the world mama. you're so good to me."

and i said, "i hope i'm your favorite person! you're stuck with me forever."

he said, "i'm not stuck. i choose to be here."

sounded very much like something i tell him almost daily....

i'm not stuck.

i choose to be here....

and what an awesome choice.

what a HEALTHY choice.

so really, when i thought "stop breathing. you're fogging up the windows," what i really wanted to say was "stop talking, you're fogging up the windows."....

but instead, i tightened the scarf around my neck, turned on the "anti-heavy breathing" defroster and listened to him tell me, again (*batting my eyelashes*), how wonderful i am....

no, but really.... stop talking, you're fogging up the windows....

downtown nights.

BREAKING NEWS! it's been raining in southern cali this past week.

this past entire week.

ya'll didn't know that, now did ya?

man!

talk about not letting up.

talk about cabin fever.

talk about horrible ugly days.

and an "adjusted" work schedule (for jason)....

this past week, he has pretty much been working nights....

the regular team being there during the days, and he would go in anywhere from 3 to 5 and work until whenever.... i think the latest he came home was close to 3 am maybe....

anyway....

his first night out there alone was a memorable one, and very much the reason why i don't like him working in such a crummy area.... ESPECIALLY.... at night....

so he goes onsite around 6 ish and gets things set up in the trailer.... he had gotten everything about as situated as it could be.... he decided to call it a night, (which wasn't bad) it was only about 10 pm. on his drive home, he'd realized he'd forgotten something, and called me and said he had to head back onsite.... *sigh* .... i was at my mom's and had planned on coming home, then decided i should stay the night, then decided against that, being that our dog would need some company so she wouldn't be scared (aaaaand, she would probably have to be let out again before the night's end).... so we headed home.... well michelle drove us home (did i totally leave out the part about the lump getting cut out of my arm and the meds and all that?) anyway, that's why she drove.... because i couldn't. i'll get back to that at a later time.

so i get home and get settled, and get a call from jason. it was a good thing he went back. there was a power pole floating.... there was rain everywhere and the fence was knocked over and the sidewalk was about to give way.... soooo, he had to call in carpenters for help. they got the power shut off to that pole. they were out on the sidewalk messing with the dirt and fence, when they were surrounded by not just one dog, but EIGHT of them.... a pack of them.... in downtown LA.... 4 of them were pitbulls, 2 were german shepards and the other 2 were mutts.... they completely surrounded jason and the carpenter. jason said all he could think about was how he was gonna get out of the situation.... EIGHT dogs! i mean really? that's something you'd see on Lady and the Tramp or something.... anyway.... the dogs began barking back and forth at each other. the carpenter grabbed his hammer and told jason to grab something. all jason had was a wooden stake. yeah, some good that would do....

"oooo, get away from me you big ferocious beast, or i'm gonna beat you with this stake that you'll probably snap in half of a bite!" yeah, that sounded like a great idea.... but what other option did he have? he couldn't hop a fence that wasn't upright to begin with....

anyway, whatever the dogs barked back and forth to each other, led them away.... together....

Both men were paranoid after that.... shoot, I would have been too!!!

at some point during the night (i think before all this dog mess), jason was onsite alone, and heard a man and woman yelling and screaming at each other on the other side of the fence. the boyfriend proceeded to throw all of the woman's belongings over the fence and onto his jobsite. mind you, this job site is so unsafe, they have "infra-red" (sp?) security. The security guard stays inside a little tower like place and whenever someone comes onto the property, their heat lights up on the screen and the security is supposed to call the police IMMEDIATELY! well, either the security guard is color blind, or fell asleep, or was just M.I.A, because somehow that crazed woman made it over the fence and somehow managed to find jason. she was crying hysterically and asking him for help. now those of you who know my husband, know that he wouldn't just leave this woman nor would he call the cops, but instead he helped her. he called a cab, gave the guy 10 bucks and told the driver to take her as far away as he could with the 10 bucks....

me, being me, automatically thinks, "first of all, how did the lady make her way onto your jobsite without the cops being called? so much for that stupid 'security system' they have! what a waste!" then i felt scared..... thinking, "really?! that is what he has to go through.... for work?!" i mean come on!!!! but.... he doesn't complain.... bums pooping on sheets of paper and putting them on the electrical outlets.... loose pit bulls roaming the streets at all hours of the days.... and nights.... loose PACKS OF DOGS roaming the streets.... gangsters standing in front of houses all tatted up, just waiting for you to "wear the wrong color.".... man! i mean REALLY! what job have you ever had where there is a strict color dress code because of the possibility of offending the surrounding gangs?! really?! seriously?!

ugh. it turned my stomach.... i didn't want him to go back.... EVER! but of course, the very next night, he had to go back.... only these nights weren't nearly as bad as the first....

so when you complain about your job, think about this story.... or think about the many people who don't have jobs.... many of the people who are getting let go from all that they know.... at least you're not dodging wild dogs and floating power poles.... but then i thought about how the military wives (and husbands) must feel.... their husbands and/or wives are out there, gone for days.... in an entirely different country.... dodging bullets, and bombs.... and they can't even call home.... UGH!!!

i guess it really is true.... it could always be worse....

.... but i still don't want my husband in that kind of area.... at all!! especially at night!!!

King x 4.

I am no photographer, by ANY means....

Nor am I claiming to be one... ha!

All I wanted was to get a fairly decent picture of the brothers and sister together for Steve's (their dad's) Birthday coming up.

Seeing that there really aren't any recent pictures of the 4 of them, i just thought it'd be nice.

=) and i think that it was.

Look! Shane's even smiling! =)

oooo. and who's the stud on the right? ;)

Holy Laundry....

So , i don't quite understand it, but this is what Jason does.

He rips his laundry that he wants me to throw away.

rather than throw it away himself, he goes through the trouble of ripping it.

i asked him about this sock.

his response was. "well there was a hole in it."

ooohh honey.

lol.

he never ceases to make me laugh.

driving home....

My creative juices get flowing at night.... Maybe because jason falls asleep and I'm still awake, thinking of all the things I didn't get out of my head from earlier in the day.... Nooo.... That's not it, because all these seem to be new ideas.... Like they all of a sudden came to me tonight.... On my bit of a long drive home from long beach to laguna.... From the 22 east... To the 405 south.... To the 5 south.... I thought of many different things....

First of all, I'm sorry for getting on here and "venting" so much. You must think I hate being a mother or something, but in fact I don't.... I just share the side that many people don't share (mainly us women). You'll always hear women saying things like "ohhhh becoming a mommy was the greatest thing I've ever done..." Or "it's just the most wonderful thing you can ever experience...." Or things like that.... What they DON'T normally tell you, are all the normal feelings they feel.... Now I don't know if it's out of guilt.... Or if it's just because it's one of those forbidden things you just don't talk about.... Sort of like poop.... Whatever the case may be, the feelings are very real....(And, in fact, very normal!!!). I think every woman, (and probably man too) thinks about life before baby and how much easier it was, and how much more peaceful it was.... Stuff like that. You guys both got more attention from each other, and yes.... Affection too! I miss that SUPER closeness I had with my husband, which we both want back more than anything, but we've also both accepted that in a little due time (like maybe when he sleeps a little bit longer.... ) It'll come back. I still find my husband amazingly attractive.... And often wonder if I'm still as attractive to him as I once was.... I would never ask him that, but instead try to take his word when he says things like "you are so beautiful." Or "I still look at you the same as I did before.". But I see the pooch on my stomach... I know it's there, just as well as he does.... How attractive can that be?? I know it wasn't there when we met.... SEE MEN!!!! See what you guys do?! You fall in love with us one way, start a family with us, and now we don't look the same as we did before.... I know we also have to give it time and not be so hard on ourselves.... I just don't want to become that t-shirt and warmups wearing mom, with no makeup, throwing my hair back in a ponytail, "just because that's the easiest." (No offense to any of those moms!!!) I just want to keep up myself as I'd hope he would want to for me....

You know, since jason and I knew we were expecting, he has always made it very clear that he wanted me to stay at home with the kiddos and raise them.... Of course, it all sounds nice and everything, but when you're used to working fulltime, and used to depending on yourself as your sole-provider, "staying at home" just doesn't FEEEEL as appealing as it so often sounds.... Or better yet, make a decision once your child is born. With taylor, I remember working when she was 8 weeks old.... I worked nights at Hoag and LOVED coming home to her! I missed her while I was away.... (And although I didn't always LOVE seeing her at 8 am when I wanted to sleep, I did miss her very much so while I was busy working.... (Side note: I financially provided for us, but had a GREAT amount of daycare assistance from my wonderful family) I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.... For sure!!!!

It's very different having both kiddos home while jason's at work from dawn to dusk.... (Okay so not really but from 5 am-ish until 6 pm-ish.... So almost!). I don't have my grandma in a "back house" anymore.... I don't have mom upstairs, or sisters closeby.... I have me. And mom and poppa around the corner (and they still help a tremendous deal), it's just a completely different experience, and as it should be!!!!

I'd go into a little more of our plans for our near future, but Jason isn't as "open" as I am, and I don't want to disrespect him in throwing every detail about us into the public.... Ooooo I bet you're wondering what I'm not telling now huh? haha. I'm teasing. We're a great team, and I'm learning how to become a better partner.... I'm selfish!!! I know that about me! But I've never really committed myself to someone. I could be loyal, just wasn't ever COMMITTED to someone you know?? I always felt like "this isn't gonna last." Maybe that's why I always thought I'd never get married.... I just didn't care enough about someone else and compromising and all that stuff you do when you're really, truly committed.... Giving up isn't an option for us.... We ALWAYS know we'll get through whatever is handed to us.... Because if we're handed it, we can.... That's right.... Handle it!!! =).

So tonight, I was driving home in my truck with the baby, while Jason drove home with T (we had met up after he got off from work, ate dinner, and were now headed home).... We were driving and I was re-capping my day (which I do often).... I was overwhelmed.... Completely.... Completely overwhelmed.... I kept looking at this long to-do list, while Lewie was screaming in the background allllll morning into afternoon.... I kept thinking about how I was going to accomplish any of those items on the list. I stopped and prayed (yeah, I know, some of you aren't religious, but it's what keeps me going....) My faith.... My faith in God is what keeps me going.... I prayed and asked Him to forgive me for expecting to accomplish everything on my time.... I smiled. Life isn't on my time, not now, not ever! I can plan out what I'd LIKE to do.... But who knows what comes up in between me wanting to get it done and me actually getting it done (besides my procrastination! Ha!)

Anyway, after praying I knew that I would get done just what I would get done for the day. Nothing more, nothing less.... And so I did! I got the most important things done with nearly no time left in between.... Yeah this is probably getting hard to follow now. Anyway, Lewie had a drs appt at 215. I had to get taylors school registration packet in by 4 (or so I thought), and I had an appt in LB at 6 pm.... A tad bit out of sequence, and with a little extra gas, the most important things got done. I can't complain.... Tomorrow brings another day and yet another attempt to knock some of those things off that list....

The light has been dimmed in our room for the entire time I have been typing this blog out on my phone, so my eyes are really starting to drag right now.... I guess the way little kids count sheep jumping over a fence to fall asleep, is equivalent to me typing out a blog....

I still have tons to say, but do I ever not???

On a much more random note, I found my 7th grade algebra teacher on facebook. He was an excellent teacher, and I still remember many valuable (and invaluable) lessons from his classes (I also took him for geometry in 8th grade, so that may be why I remember him so well) but anyway.... It's super nice to find someone from the past who remembers you too (or at least lies to you and makes you think they remember you, ha!) Totally kidding!

Okay, I have 2 snoring males next to me.... I guess it's time I join the snoozing and snooze too.... Don't think I'm done here.... I've got much more to say! (So what's new?) Ha!

Good night! (Or morning, whatever) =)

The start....

So I finally decided to start some kind of blog....

the way my mind goes, and the way my mind forgets, i thought it'd be a great idea.

today.... Baby King hit the 11 weeks and 6 days mark.

1 more week and 1 day until the 2nd trimester begins.

we found out about our little bundle of joy on December 3rd, just a day before leaving town for our wedding.

Jason and I connected last fall, near an old pizza joint in Lakewood.

It had been a long week at work.... Monika (my best friend), Michelle (younger sister), and our friend Cesar all met up for dinner at The Yardhouse in Irvine.

Michelle, being her sleepy self, headed home after dinner, while Monika, Cesar and I decided our night was not yet ending.

I phoned an old friend, Dustin, in Lakewood, to see what he was up to and if he wanted to meet up with us that night.

So it was to the "old neck of the woods" we headed....

immediately walking into this place, i spotted Jason, standing over by some barstools by himself.

i grabbed Monika's arm and headed straight for the bathroom, heart pounding, butterflies in my stomach....

it had been years since i had seen him....

but i'd remembered him just the same!!!

i locked the bathroom door behind me and took one look in the mirror....

pulled out my make up bag to freshen up my makeup...

and adjusted my hair....

and fixed my jacket....

WHY?! tonight, of all nights, the one night i didn't care how i looked, and here he was....

there he was....

JASON KING....

holy smokes!!!!

we walked back out there, Monika and i, and played it cool....

talked to his friends who recognized me....

caught up with them for a bit, all the while my eyes peeled to jason.

he saw me staring.

i know he did.

i asked his friend, "is that jason? jason king?"

he said, "yep!"

i said. "oh my gosh! i was in love with him for FOUR years!!!!"

jason stared a whole lot, but never said a word.

his friend had told me they were headed elsewhere.

by this time, it was about 115 am.

i knew the night was coming to a close REAL quick.

i asked where they were headed, and told monika and cesar that's where we were headed too....

they left, and as we were getting ready to leave, in comes jason....

oh my gosh! oh my gosh!!

he came right up to me....

and said, "hi i'm jason," putting his hand out to shake mine.

I said, "yeah, i know exactly who you are. i had the hugest crush on you for about 4 years!"

he smiled and said, "can i call you sometime?"

we exchanged numbers that friday night....

he called at about 3 am to make sure we had all made it home safely.

we had.

he asked if he could call me the next day when i got off of work.

i told him i'd be off by 6, so he could call after that.

he said, "between 6 and 7."

the next night, 645 rolled around and my phone rang....

i didn't think he'd really call, but there he was.....

mr. king....

we talked and texted that night....

into sunday....

into monday....

and finally on monday he asks "can i come hang out with you tonight?"

i was completely thrown back....

taylor and i had plans to go grocery shopping and make dinner....

i told him our plans and told him he could join us if he'd like.

sure enough, over he came.....

i walked outside to meet him and he pulled me close.

"can i get some sugar?"

SERIOUSLY jason?! ha!

i was SO scared, and being that i don't just KISS people, i squeezed my lips together as tight as i could and gave him a "butthole" kiss. (that's what he calls it now) hahahaha!

we went grocery shopping, came home. hung out. had a great time, all of us together.

he was amazing!!!!

it was after 1 am and i had no idea when he had planned on leaving, but he looked comfortable on the couch.... not in any kind of hurry to leave.

i asked him when he had to be at work, when he asked if he could stay the night....

WOW!!!! WHAT NERVE!!!!

i told him he could, as long as he had zero expectations from me.... i was SO nervous to have him at my house, asking to stay over.

i was taken back a bit, and almost disgusted that he'd asked, but gave him the benefit of the doubt, being that he had to be at work in the next 2 hours....

we were lying there, talking, and laughing, with space between us, and he didn't cross over onto my side, not even once!!

i LOVED that!

we laughed until i cried.

i had to sit on the edge of the bed a couple times because the cramps were so painful....

i cuddled up next to him and fell asleep....

tuesday came and we texted all day....

he asked what our plans were for dinner..... ended up coming back.

he, tiki and i went to ruby's for dinner....

it was awesome.

such a good time with him....

he came back wednesday, thursday, friday....

he never left....

by october 14th, we had set our wedding date of september 26, 2009....

that was it for me....

100% confident, in my heart and no doubt in my mind, jason was it for me....

that september 26th date seemed so far away.... soon it became december 6th 2008 once we knew we didn't want a big wedding.....

we decided on vegas.

cheap, fun, immediate family only.

jason was ready to do it now.

so we did.

we set the plans and were headed to vegas....

at the end of october, we'd already decided we wanted children.

he was amazing with taylor and our parenting styles were perfect together.

i'm definitely the warden, and he's definitely the softy....

whatever, it works!!!!

he's fun. he's energetic. he builds the self esteem, and has patience unlike any other human being i've ever seen. he never takes his bad days out on taylor, and i knew.... i just knew.... he would be the man i would spend the rest of my days with.... HE would be the father of any babies of mine. =)

we began trying in november.... hoping to be pregnant by his birthday....

a day before we left for vegas, which was december 3rd, i wasn't feeling like myself.... i wasn't late to start, but should have been starting at any time....

i bought 2 tests, drank a few bottles of water, and headed to the dr.... (tests in purse).

while waiting at dr. aish's office, i took a test..... about a minute or so later, immediately PREGNANT! i literally giggled out loud, took a deep breath and wanted to believe it so badly!!!

i peed about 4 more times, but hadn't taken the 2nd test.

by the time i was finally called to the back, and they had me pee, it was clear as water....

their test was negative....

they'd had me go for bloodwork and said they'd call me in a few days....

i came home, took the other test that night. it said PREGNANT also. jason went and bought another 2 pack. that night before bed, i took a test and the next morning i took the 4th one....

we now had 4 PREGNANT readings.... i was definitely pregnant!!!!

there was so much excitement. we called my mom right away and told her the news. she was shocked at first, but excited within a few short moments!!!!

that weekend in vegas (friday night), we'd told his family.

a little taken back, they expressed their happiness as well.

we now had a baby King on the way....

our first prenatal visit with dr chu was on january 6th. we were (by dates) 9 weeks and 2 days.... we asked her if we could hear the heartbeat. she was a bit hesitant as she said it was so early.... didnt want us to be alarmed if we couldnt hear it. we agreed and she tried. first try, there it was.... our baby's heartbeat.... 170's and strong as can be....

our first ultrasound for dates was the following wednesday, january 13th at 315.... size and dates, baby King is actually 9 weeks and 6 days, and the due date has been pushed back from august 8th to august 13th.... baby was VERY active, kicking up a storm, all fingers were visible on both hands.... we got a disc of images to take home with us. auntie sissy and taylor were there....

it was perfect!!!! i was bummed jason was swamped at work in pasadena and couldn't make it, just because i knew how much he would have enjoyed it, but next time i'm sure he'll make it.

i got for my first cervical length on Feb 4th, and must go every 2 weeks after that for the remainder of my pregnancy. i'm at a higher risk of a shortened cervix, which could lead to early birth or a later miscarriage in the 2nd trimester....

keeping our fingers crossed, praying that everything remains the same, and nothing changes until it's time to bring this baby into the world, happy and healthy!

we will keep you posted on here as my belly grows!!!!