Part 1. "There's a lump."

I really did expect to be able to fall asleep much easier tonight. I did.... As exhausted as I was earlier today, I didn't think my eyelids would remain open to see the sun set....

This past Saturday was 2 weeks since I took Taylor in to see her doctor again. That Saturday, 2 weeks ago, she was diagnosed with the flu, as she had been sent home early that Friday with a fever.... Taylor RARELY gets sick! The pharmacy had her information on file from 2010.... FIVE years ago....  anyway.... I knew she was getting sick. In fact, I told her she was getting sick a few days before she actually FELT sick.... I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.... She insisted she wasn't, just as she always does.... but I know.... Mom's just know, you know....

That Saturday morning rolled around and she was in terrible pain. The pain that had her in tears.... and she doesn't cry for pain.... she was miserable.... "Mom, the lump hurts really bad... and it's bigger," she said.... That was enough to get my lazy, bed-loving self up and ready in about 4 and a half minutes (brushing my teeth were 2 of those minutes).  She was moving so slowly.... "Come on, let's go!" I kept trying to hurry her along.

You see, 2 months prior to this Saturday visit, she went with me to take Lewie in, as he was carrying sick germs from school for longer than I was comfortable with. They had already told me it was viral, but I just wanted to be sure. I don't normally do that, but my kids also don't normally stay sick for longer than a few days. That morning visit 2 months prior was mainly for Lewie, but we had the doctor look at her ankle and her back as both had been bothering her for some time.... Lewie was quickly looked over and we were told it could last a few more weeks.... Taylor, who was feeling fine (at least not SICK), was her concern.... The doctor examining Taylor was not her routine doctor, but one of the others in their medical group.  She was a pretty thorough doctor and I felt comfortable with how she was managing the kids. (not that I know any better, but as a mother, you sort of have a "feeling" about the doctor who sees your kids, no?)  She is moving Taylor into different positions with a look of concern on her face. Finally, she said, "there's a lump. here. come feel it, mom." I could tell that something was different about that area, but I couldn't say, "yep! there's a lump!" The doctor could tell that it was the size of a quarter.... She began marking Taylor's back and told us to go down to the hospital next door and have it looked at via ultrasound, stat.  What started as us still smiling and joking, quickly turned into a bit of confusion.... "wait... what? where? why?" I think Taylor and I were a little confused. I mean, I didn't think TOO much into it, but I didn't like the doctor's sense of urgency.... "They're busy..... they're busy and that's why she seems so urgent.... she needs us out of here and the next patient in here...." I really did tell myself that to try to help myself from getting all worked up and feeling anxious with her sense of urgency as well...

So, we'd gone downstairs with our STAT order for an ultrasound and an X-ray and tried to be seen. Unfortunately their "stattest" stat test wasn't for another another day.... WHAT?! Couldn't they FEEL the doctor's sense of urgency? Couldn't they FEEL MYYYY sense of urgency?! I asked for a phone list of all of the possible imaging centers I could go to and told them I'd call myself. I wasn't going to wait for another day....

The whole day was spent trying to get everything figured out and done.... we went back into the room with her and I tried like hell to study the screen as they rolled back and forth over her back.... I seriously could not tell you what the hell I was looking at. They could have been scanning a burrito, or a brain and I really wouldn't have been able to tell them apart.... (okay, maybe SLIGHTLY, but when they are rolling over your back, you really have no idea what they're looking at.... not even joking.... you think you see something, but just as you think you do, it goes away and then something else appears and then you think you see THAT, and then that thing goes away and then you are just still staring at a gray screen that keeps moving other gray areas around.... basically, you could have locked me in a dark closet and said, "there's her back...."

I was "in the zone." I mean, I was REALLY trying to see if I could see ANYTHING at all.... I thought to myself, "maybe they can just reach over and scan the right side so they'd have something to compare the images on the left side to." and no quicker than my thoughts arrived, she reached over to scan Taylor's right side.... I'm squinting and leaning in, trying to see if there is ANYTHING, ANYTHING even SLIGHTLY different from the left.... but nothing. She didn't click and measure anything, so I felt pretty confident that we'd get a call from the doctor saying, "all is great. nothing there!"

However....

Doctor called back and basically said, "There's something there, but we aren't sure what."

You see, the tech performs the test that is ordered. (I'm sure you all already know this)....
Then the test is reviewed and translated by the radiologist who never seeeees the patient nor does he/she have the background knowledge/history of the patient.... The radiologist's results were "could be one of these things," and lists a few different things.... Well the doctor who had examined Taylor and FOUND the lump, said, "It's not a lipoma (fatty tumor). It's much harder than that, and it's not really loose or moving around. We already said she didn't hit anything and there is no external bruising or anything.... if she had injured it, then there would still be something visible externally. Bruising or SOMETHING...."

okay.... sooooooo??

She seemed a little stumped. She said, "we're going to monitor it and if it gets any bigger, come in.... if it causes her any pain, come in.... You can try massaging it and warm compresses, but I don't think it's anything muscular, but at least try so we can rule that out also. If it's muscular, it will go away...."  My concern was, "I can't tell the exact size of it like you can. How will I know if it gets any bigger?" Again, she told us, "it's the size of a quarter"..... Anyhow, I pretty much bugged Taylor for the next ohhhhh, however long.... "does it hurt?" "can you feel it?" "has it gotten any bigger?" "want me to massage it?" "is it bothering you?"

Hadn't bothered her much since then.... she had just always said it was more annoying or it only bothered her if she pushed on it or around it....

Fast forward to that Saturday, 2 weeks and 2 days ago.... We go in to the "walk in appointments" at their office and the same doctor who saw Taylor a few months ago was now the doctor on call for the weekend. She sees Taylor. She swabs her brain nose and diagnoses her with the flu.... She goes to review Taylor's chart regarding her lump (keep in mind, this is NOT her normal pediatrician).... She comes back and finds the lump again. She expresses that she doesn't like that it is still present. Asked us if we had massaged it and applied the heating pad to it.... we had.... but the lump remained.... It was then that she submitted the referral for an MRI of her spine. "It should be between 7 and 10 business days to get an approval back." 7-10 whoooooole days before we knew if she could even have the MRI done??  UGH! and so we waited....