Sweet T.

(photo courtesy of Pat Tillett)

(photo courtesy of Pat Tillett)

i remember the very moment i found out i was pregnant.

i was just 18 years old.

i remember the very second, my feet dangled off the end of the dr's table....

and i sat there.

waiting for him to return.

"there is NO way i am pregnant," i told myself over and over again.

and he swings the door open and says, "hun, you're pregnant! that's what's wrong with you!!!"

"shhhhhhhhhhhh!" is all i could think.

he said it sooo loud!

everyone knew me in the office.

everyone knew my mom.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

and i remember what i was wearing.

i remember leaning over and bursting into tears at that VERY moment.

i was bawling.

i NEVER thought i'd be there.

18 years old,

and pregnant.

but i will tell you this.

there was something. something. in the pit of my stomach (besides her) that KNEW, without a doubt, that i was going to do whatever it took to keep her....

and i did just that.

i didn't know HOW i was going to do it.

i didn't have the slightest clue about parenting.

i had HOPED that things would just work out between her dad and i, but at our young age, i was also realistic that the odds were against us....

but i was going to do whatever it took to have this baby....

no one expected ME to get pregnant.

hell, i waited until i cleared my 1st trimester before i told my dad i was even pregnant.

i feared what everyone would say.

i feared what everyone would think.

i feared all of the changes my body was going to endure.

and then.... on september 12, 2002, they placed the most precious little being into my arms....

708 pm, they placed my precious little Taylor Kay on my chest.

after alllll my morning sickness and preterm labor, here she was, 3 weeks early.

5 lbs. 13 oz. and just about as winston churchill looking as they come, but she was mine.

i would grow to learn what being a mother was all about.

and it took time.

and i often fought, (and still fight the internal battles) of wishing I knew more than i do now.... wishing i knew more than i did then.... wishing i could give her more than i have given her.

i was ever so fortunate to have my mom and stepdad and grandma there for such great support.... our "village" raised this girl....

Taylor truly saved the person I could have become....

she taught me the innocent way a child sees the world,

and the way people SHOULD see it more....

her eyes light up,

her heart forgives,

she learned at such a young age to empathize and sympathize with me through my hurt.

she still tunes into my feelings....

i am ever so grateful to have found such a wonderful man to love, not only me, but US.

from the very beginning, Jason opened his heart up to her as well, and we have been beyond blessed.

she is the most patient and understanding little soul.

she is brilliant beyond her years.

and although i'm STILL learning the type of mother I want to become, I strive every single day to love the way she does....

to see the world the way she does....

i am ever so grateful for such an amazing little girl,

and i am EVER so grateful she is mine!

Happy 8th birthday, my beautiful girl!!!

(first day of 3rd grade. Sept 8, 2010)