i love my husband more than toy story bedding.

so where can i start with all of this?

or where can i continue....

i left off my last entry with my feelings of knowing a gentleman was going to be losing his battle to cancer within days....

he lost his battle on saturday afternoon.

he was so young....

i didn't know him personally, but i watched the lives he touched.

i listened to his words spoken....

i watched him fight a good fight....

and then i watched everyone's grief when he passed....

you know, i wrote about this just yesterday morning, bright and early.....

just a little food for thought on Facebook....

i watched the outpour of all of these heartfelt messages to him....

why didn't these people come forward with these words before?

where were all these thoughts,

and prayers

and love

and messages BEFORE he passed away....

my main point yesterday was if you are touched by someone and their smile, their laugh, their optimistic attitude....

if you enjoy spending time with someone, or love to kiss them, or get excited when they call....

if you are touched by someone who is ALIVE AND WELL, TELL THEM, PEOPLE!!!!!!!! Do you notice how people come forth to speak about all these wonderful memories and such AFTER the person is gone??

Do you notice how someone becomes a hero once they are gone? All of these people speak up after the fact.... i don't get it. i mean, i appreciate the thoughts of their actions, but to me, it seems like it's more about the people saying the nice things, once the person's already gone, than it is about the person who is gone.... when you tell the person who is ALIVE how wonderful they are, they can share in the joy that you are feeling.... am i wrong? they can KNOW the lives they touch.... or how contagious their laughter and smiles are.... wouldn't you agree?

i know many people have different beliefs as to what happens to people.

some people believe that once you're dead,

you're just gone.

there is not life after.

there is no communication.

no heaven.

there is nothing else that happens, but that you are buried....

there is no hell.

no pearly gates,

no God waiting for you.

that's it.

others believe that there is life after death.

there's a heaven.

a God waiting.

a hell waiting.

most people want to believe that there loved one has gone to heaven once they have passed.

and although there are many people i have known, who have not had any "religious beliefs" at all, when they lose a loved one, or someone else does, i notice they are praying all of a sudden....

i notice their loved one has "Gone to heaven," or that "heaven has another wonderful angel now."

i'm not quite sure i fully understand people's beliefs, or lack thereof, or if it's just "hope" and "weakness" that leads them to pray... that leads them to say such things as "i'm praying for you" and such.... anyway.... regardless of people's beliefs, i think it shows that in moments of weakness, and fear and sorrow, many of us turn to a higher power to somehow magically "fix" what is going on.... i remember praying as a little girl, when i was little. i used to just pray that bad things would go right, but never prayed to thank God for the wonderful things I was given....

In my last post, i went on and on about how in love with my husband i was.... and how i adore even the smallest (most annoying) things he does.... how empty my entire life would be without him....

i give thanks for him every morning I wake up, and he is still breathing... i give thanks again around 6 am, when i receive his text or call that he's made it to work safely.... i give thanks again when we go to sleep at night, because he's made it home safe and sound and i get to fall asleep next to him again.... how wonderful that is!!!!

_____________________

so remember that "we all take life for granted" that i was talking about in my last post?

i totally did something that i feel terribly guilty about....

terribly guilty, because i am still slighlty upset about it, but i don't know who to be upset with, therefore, i sit back with squinted eyes feeling upset at everyone.... =(

i know, shame on me, right?

and you'll ask over what, and i'll tell you and then you'll all laugh and say "REALLY ashley?!"

and i'll say, "ummm, no? i was just kidding. i'm not really mad about it."

i'm cheap.

sometimes, when it comes to money, i'm cheap.

but i'm sentimental as all heck!

everything that someone gives to me, holds such great meaning (remember? i would be a hoarder if jason hadn't come into my life)

so saturday was lewie's birthday party, and he received ALL kinds of different gifts....

most of them toys to help him to walk.... he stands up and, as long as he's holding onto something, he'll take off, BUT he won't walk by himself....

we got the hint.

everyone was telling us Lewie's behind. ;)

anyway,

my younger sister bought lewie toy story bedding.....

wrapped up in toy story wrapping paper....

we had the party at jason's dad's and stepmom's house, and it was mostly family there....

everything came in huge boxes and there was just one big bag that someone had given us a gift in.

anyway, the night goes on, and it's time to load the truck and go home.

i don't know who loaded the truck, and at this point i don't really care.... (although my curiosity still wants to know)....

buuuut, the bedding is missing.

every.thing.else. is here.... except the bedding....

we searched high and low for it.

checked the car.

the garage.

the entire house....

called them to check their house....

it's not there.

they checked everywhere, and the trash.

they couldn't even find the wrapping paper it was wrapped in.

now there were 2 thoughts that initially went through my mind....

1. maybe we didn't open the bedding there?? maybe i just THOUGHT we opened it there, and we really didn't!!!!

nope. not the case.... i'm pretty sure THAT'S the toy story bedding right below taylor in the picture.... you see the clear bag that says TOY STORY on it.... in the bedding bag?? there is picture proof that the bedding DID exist!!!!

and yes, it was Lewie's birthday, not Taylor's, however, with all of Lewie's toys that were purchased, his dad and stepmom were thoughtful and got her one to open too so she wouldn't feel left out. how sweet, because i wouldn't think of something like that. i'd give her a hard time and say, "dude, your birthday is coming up in a few months. get over it."

then i thought, okay, well SINCE the bedding DID exist, then maybe it flew out of the car.... or someone stole it from our car.... well, truck.

(because if it was put in the back of the truck, then it COULD have flown OUT of the truck, OR when we stopped for PANDA EXPRESS on our way HOME, someone COULD have STOLEN it out of the BACK OF OUR TRUCK!!!!!!!) which is why i NEVER PUT STUFF IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK THAT CAN FLY OUT OR BE STOLEN!!!! i'm crazy about this!!!!! jason ALWAYS says it will be okay....

anyway, i didn't load the truck, so honestly i can't tell you where the bedding was loaded. jason says that the bag was put INSIDE the truck, which only leaves one other explanation for the missing bedding.... a ghost stole it.

so i was upset with jason all day yesterday over this bedding.

1. because if he DID put it in the back of the truck and it flew out, I TOLD YOU SO!

2. if someone stole it out of the back of the truck, I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

or

3. if a ghost stole it, I TOLD YOU THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS! I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

so whatever happened to the bedding, I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!

not only was it one of the most expensive gifts we had, it was from my younger sister who doesn't have a whole lot of money to spend.... here i go with my dang sentimental-ness....

jason tried sooo hard to get me to get over the missing bedding.

"we'll go buy new bedding." he said. "then lewie will have the bedding you wanted him to have, and the only thing that is really missing is the 40 bucks."

it sounded good, but not good enough at the time.

i was still upset.

he said a bunch more, that all likely sounded good to him, but i was still upset....

how does bedding just DISAPPEAR!?!?

then i started thinking, "if i loaded the truck myself, i would know where the bedding was put. i would know where it went missing, and probably at what time." because i'm weird like that....

this took me back to my super controlling ways of it just being taylor and i, and i was upset....

and no matter how hard i tried talking myself out of it, nothing was working,

until this....

"what if something were to happen to him RIGHT NOW?! how HORRIBLE would i feel for bickering about toy story bedding that would just cost us 4o bucks.... (well actually 80 if you count the 40 that was already spent on it)...."

the answer: i'd feel horrible. so i sent him a text message and said, "i'd choose you over 40 dollar toy story bedding anyday honey."

his response: "you wouldn't have said that an hour ago."

my response: "nevermind."

lol. the bottom line is, that no matter how major things seem, remember if it isn't life or death, chances are it's petty.... (unless it has to do with toy story bedding, then it's major)....

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.

i love my husband more than toy story bedding.....

....i'm ALMOST convinced it's petty..... ;)